humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
Celebrating the American Diet
Recently, I developed a friendship with a guy from Long Island. He wrote to a group of us his bemusement with the term “flexitarian”. It was his first encounter with the word, not certain that it was a real word at all. For those with better things to know and do, a flexitarian is “one whose normally meatless diet occasionally includes meat or fish.” Two decades ago, the Atlanta Journal and Constitution may have nailed it, “The icky neologism touted by the Food Channel…, which is a meat-eating semi-vegetarian who determines his/her eating preference based on mood rather than ideology.” This struck me as akin the flexibility NFL referees demonstrate enforcing “roughing the passer” calls on Tom Brady.
By Alexander J. Cameron4 years ago in Humans
Secrets from the Book of Karen
There's been a lot of online discussion about a type of woman, generically known as "Karen". She is a retail worker's worst nightmare. Her high-maintenance demands and petty complaints culminate in the outburst, "I want to speak to the manager," or "I was TOLD...(she was somehow entitled to her latest demand, usually a discount)". Posters often observe other characteristics of the Karen which make her recognizable before the transaction even occurs, giving them a chance to emotionally brace themselves for an unpleasant encounter She is usually middle-aged, with a particular hairstyle, asymmetrical with blonde frosting, reminiscent of Kate Gosselin and she often wears big sunglasses. Online posters often speculate if there is any correlation between this particular appearance and her peculiar behavior. Maybe because she tries to imitate a star, she fancies herself to actually be a star, and, thereby, deserving of special treatment. I have my own theory about the Karen, which may be a revelation as an
By Lemon Merang4 years ago in Humans
Being Sober at a Drunk Party
It was a first for me. It was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience. It happened a while ago, but I think it will be fun to share it now to showcase that being sober at a party where everyone else is drunk allows you to see things from a weird but fun perspective.
By Tarun Gupta4 years ago in Humans
Saturday night out.
A light hearted look at the pubs and clubs on a Saturday night in the mid-sixties. Saturday night in our house in the sixties was a bit of a free for all. With at least nine kids in the house it was a bit chaotic to say the least, especially on a cold and dark Winter evening when none of us could go out to play.
By Eric Harvey4 years ago in Humans
The Jenn Zone
Do not adjust your vertical… Do not adjust your horizontal… You have just entered the Jenn Zone. For all the usual reasons I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning. It is one of those mornings where my brain has driven me completely crazy with all the things I need to get done. Until I find myself wide awake and unable to go back to sleep.
By Jennifer Batterson4 years ago in Humans
Are You Familiar
Occasion Sprite is a typical windmill that ponders occasions to make destruction. Numerous families have one individual who drinks excessively and afterward makes an imbecile of himself over special times of year. These individuals are normal the entire year, aside from Christmas, Labor Day, Memorial Day, or even family social occasions. Now and then it's the day of the occasion, here and there a little while previously or after, however you can generally trust you appear. You see this individual getting insects, and you realize what is coming. After quite a long time after year, ten years after ten, regardless of whether they don't drink or utilize drugs they appear to be continually taking up wars and making issues on extraordinary events.
By albert bean4 years ago in Humans
Welcome to Our Alien Overlords
I’m going to tell you something that maybe a surprise to some of you. believe in aliens. I know, it’s hard to believe that someone who loves Star Trek, Star Wars, Dr. Who and superhero comic books, believes in alien life out there in the galaxy. Well, here's two reasons why I believe this:
By From the Mind of Nobody4 years ago in Humans
A Nice Pear
A Nice Pear (forbidden fruit) Original Sin It all began at the end of the beginning. Eve was sitting quite content, underneath what she thought was an apple tree. A breath of wind shook the tree in the gentlest of way, but enough to dislodge a dangling fruit. It landed on Eve’s lap. Eve looked down in puzzlement. The fruit was a little bit yellow and quite a bit red and looked very enticing. Curiosity got the better of her. First, she lifted it to her nose, and sniffed it. Indeed, it did smell fruity even though Eve had no idea what a fruit was. She was mesmerised. It seemed to be the only object catching her interest.
By Gavin Mayhew4 years ago in Humans
Are You Reeeaallly Sick?
Well it’s officially winter which means it’s now okay for me to pretend to be sick. I could easily actually be sick, but I could totally also just be a little bit chilly. It’s most definitely the time to sit in my bed, curl up with tea, and watch a sitcom about a goofy six-person friend dynamic within their living or work environment. And ya sweetie, I do have a canvas tab open for the illusion of efficiency. I truly can't imagine life way up north. Where you get a glimpse at the sun maybe once a day. There is no way to do anything besides exist. Capitalism is a sham and I'll choose to listen to the earth. We all should! It's impressive that we've kept up a facade all summer and nwo the universe is telling us that we get to rest. We get to lie down with tissues in our nose because even if it is not running, when else do we get to expirience that pillowy hug from the inside out? The fact that I can walk home from the bus stop, boil water, put on fuzzy socks, and watch TV ‘till I’m anxious all before the sun sets is a serious fucking accomplishment considering it’s basically dark at noon, noon-thirty. But see here’s the thing with the sun, do we use this a marker of the end of the day? When it’s gone, is that the point at which I change from DayQuil to NyQuil? I genuinely don’t know. I don’t know how to dose myself for anything. I wasn’t allowed MSG or Advil until I was like my own human at 13 and even then I had way more motivation to spend my limited quarters on Corn Nuts and Doritos over the likes of weak painkillers. I never fully learned how to take functional drugs. I have no practice. I’m just so tired all the time and can’t tell if it’s the Benadryl. Did I take the drowsy version? Or have I not drinken water in 4 days? I can’t stop itching my fucking neck and arms. And throat and shoulders. I can’t sleep at all, so I normally just vacuum and reorganize the tea bags. Once the tea bags are organized and re-organized to my liking, I will then divert my focus to the spice area. My friends think that it’s because of the pseudoephedrine I’m taking as a decongestant, but I’m starting to think it’s because of the meth. Whatever, friends are stupid and don’t know anything. They’re the ones who said my runny nose wasn’t because of my cat allergy but rather because of my “serious” and “crippling” “cocaine” “dependency”. I don’t know. It’s winter and I’m sad. If there is any advice I have for others, it’s this. And I don’t want to overstep, so I’ll make it short. Buy that Snuggie. They genuinly are up to something. The fierce wind that hits your soft and supple under bicep as you reach for your bowl is just not worth it. You wanted one like eight years ago so you should just do it, cocknob. I’m not sure if that “As Seen on TV” store is still in your mall but you should do it! And I say these next tiny bits of wisdom with confidence. 1) Trust WebMD 2) The “immune system” is a conspiracy theory introduced during the Reagan era to distract us from the gutting of public housing funds. And finally, 3) go ahead and just chug those pricey Emergen-C packets straight. Super Orange or Cranberry. Never Tangerine. Never Raspberry. Chug. Don’t mix with water and don’t snort.
By Julia Neal4 years ago in Humans
12 signs that your neighbourhood Facebook group has invaded your thinking way too much . . .
Your local Facebook page can tell you a lot about your part of town, village, or neighbourhood - great local walks. Reminders as to when the bins should be put out. Which streets to avoid at night. But for all the delights that your neck of the woods has to offer its great and good, there are always a few keyboard warriors who seem to have nothing more to do but fill your timeline with their endless local vendettas . . .
By jamie harding4 years ago in Humans
