Cooking Cans and Can'ts

There are many cooks and chefs who like to brag about their expertise in the kitchen. Not only do they know all the tools, but they'll tell you in longwinded pompous monologues how delicious their signature dishes are. Whether you believe them or not, the proof is in the pudding. Once you get a taste of one of their masterpieces, you decide for yourself whether you agree with their grandiose claims of master chefdom.

For the longest time, I was convinced that I could not cook and that I didn't belong anywhere near a kitchen unless I was in a fast food kitchen placing buns in a toaster or burgers on the grill. When older women or married women would start their bragging about cooking, I'd humor them with polite nods and wait for an invitation to sit at their table on some fine dining adventure. Sometimes, they had impressed me and I poured compliments on them like gravy on mashed potatoes. Sometimes I was shocked at their audacity to utter such ridiculous claims after seeing their version of "dinner". You really think you're a great cook because you know how to make macaroni and cheese?

I think I stayed out of the kitchen and told myself that I couldn't cook because I didn't want to compete with the great cooks in my family specifically my mother and my aunt Amalia. They were both amazing in the kitchen. There were others in the family who were pretty good too, like my grandmother, my Uncle Pepe, and my Aunt Clara. But after eating at Bella's and Amalia's tables, I threw in the towel right away. There was no way I was ever going to be a "good cook" if I had to make food taste that good.

When I got married in 2011, I wanted to be a good wife. To me that meant keeping a clean house, making love to your husband at least once per week, managing money well enough that the bills are paid, and cooking. I dreaded the cooking part, but I jumped into the kitchen and gave it a go. I had to have learned something from all those great cooks in my family. Come to find out, I hadn't learned much. None of them would ever let me cook with them when they were creating those masterpieces. All I ever got to do was set the table, wash the dishes, and put them away. I was the home bus boy. That "bus boy" life was not very helpful to me when it was my turn to play "wife". I knew I had to do better than burgers and hot dogs. But how?

I started with some simple meals I would cook for myself like macaroni and Ragu out of a jar or fried pork chops and applesauce and instant mashed potatoes. I knew I had one signature dish: Lasagna. I had watched the making of many lasagnas and I knew I could do it. I wasn't wrong. My lasagna is still the number one star from my menu. The great thing about a lasagna is it feeds more than 3 or 4 people. If there's less people, it makes great leftovers.

I stole a dish from my grandmother - her "minestra" - which is a delicious cabbage, potato, and chicken soup that is ultra healthy. That also doesn't cost a lot to make but can feed a lot of mouths or be stored as leftovers. Since that was a hit, I looked for recipes. I found a Cheesy Bacon Potato Soup (from scratch) and I followed the recipe verbatim. That soup was divine! I'm not bragging. Everybody loved it and praised it especially my husband and I was so proud of myself. But I couldn't be that proud, you know why? Because all I had done was read and follow the recipe. I couldn't call it MY Cheesy Bacon Potato Soup because I didn't come up with it on my own. That's when I realized that anybody (even a burger flipper like me) could be a "gourmet chef" simply by knowing how to find, read, and follow a recipe. That's why cook books were always bestsellers at the book stores! All those wives are buying those cookbooks because they don't know how to cook either! I'm not the only one!

So I began subscribing to some cookbook magazines like Diabetic Recipes and Southern Cooking hoping to find recipes that would appeal to both me and my husband. Sadly, I rarely used those magazine recipes because they just didn't convince (with the photograph or the ingredients list) my tastes that they were worth the cost, experiment, and time. I was going to have to wing it sometimes. It's not necessarily cheaper to "wing it" - but when it works out in your favor, it's definitely worth it. Not only can you claim it as your signature dish, it usually tastes much better to you because you've crafted it according to your tastes. Why do children like candy more than fruit? They both have sugar. I know why. Candy is all the sweetness of sugar cane, while fruit is not just sweet, it's also sour. I never understood the point of sweet and sour candy. Why not just eat an orange?

Throughout the first 7 years (the glory years of my marriage) I learned several dishes that became part of my cooking routine. The pasta basics were spaghetti with meat sauce or meatballs and mac n cheese jazzed up like Hamburger Helper. Instant Rice was a good kitchen friend, though I prefer the flavored rices. Add some kind of fried meat or fish with the rice, open up a can of carrots or green beans, and viola, dinner is served! I never resorted to Stouffer's or Hungry Man meals while I was married. My husband wasn't going to suffer some poser in the kitchen even if I was just a beginner. I didn't do much baking though. Most of the time our desserts did come from Pepperidge Farm, Nabisco, Entenmenn's, Hostess, Little Debbie, or something like that. The only time I would bake would be some cookies or brownies for Christmas or a birthday cake from the quick and easy packages.

Anyway, I did alright for my 7 years of paradise as far as the kitchen goes. My husband was not subjected to TV microwavables or living from Chef Boy r Dee cans. He knew that during our glory marriage days he could come home from a long day at work and expect to find something decent to eat. Now I don't say that I "can't cook" -- I just say "I'm not the best in the kitchen, but I do have some signature dishes."

Yesterday I tried to cook a meatloaf. I put everything I could think of into it: fresh meat, chopped onions, fresh pieces of bread and homemade breadcrumbs, and bbq sauce and seasonings. It was a disaster, absolutely disgusting. I couldn't eat it. I had to throw the whole thing out. I wasn't that mad at myself though. I've never really been a fan of meatloaf, so maybe it doesn't matter if I used good ingredients. Maybe the meatloaf knows that I don't like it.

I'll never be able to make my mother's delicious Angel Hair pasta with garlic butter and shrimp. I've tried countless times. It's never tasted close to hers and so I just gave up. I don't know if I was the only one who thought that was one of her best dishes, but I just couldn't figure it out on my own and I've never seen the recipe for it. So even though I know how to read, there are some things that can't be duplicated. Even though a cook book can make a great cook out of a beginner, there are some memorable meals that "can't" be found in a cook book. Sad, but true.