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Most recently published stories in Families.
Bittersweet Tomorrows
For those of you who have not read my previous articles, I had the scare of my life Christmas Eve- a possible breast cancer diagnosis. Tomorrow, I will be going in for my mammogram to check out the hard lumps which have grown at an alarmingly quick pace. Today I am feeling scared and worried, unable to anticipate the results of tomorrow. Throughout my life, one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn is letting go when I have no control over how something will turn out. In my search to connect with others who have experienced trauma or abuse in their lives, I have realized we all share many common characteristics, but the one that stands out the most is our inability to control the things around us and the affect it has on us. I have come to accept that I am unable to change the results of tomorrow-that is not something I control. What I can is to lean on those who will help me through it, whether I have a really long road fighting cancer, or it is simply a surgical procedure to fix the growth. I can make sure that my kids are provided for, with loving, caring people who will honor my wishes. I can surround myself with those who can help me or support us all through this, and draw a boundary for those who will not. In the past 2 weeks, I have come to find out who will truly be there to help me through this, the people who have shown up for me and been there. But I have also found the ones who will not, those who simply revealed how they truly feel towards my children and myself. I am not so worried about the diagnosis itself, as I know I could get through it-no matter how exhausting and daunting that particular journey may be. What has kept me awake with worry is one simple fact: How would it affect my children? With that, I decided to do everything I can-the things in my control- to make sure they have the best outcome possible (within my control). I no longer look at them wanting to cry because of the painful outcome that MAY be, but rather I hold on to them and make new memories, ones that will stand out and hold them up. We spend our days playing hide and seek, minecraft in real person time, Movie nights with mom (and all the fixings of course, which in our household includes pizza, twizzlers, and other snacks), and mattress surfing down the stairs. No matter the diagnosis tomorrow, I have realized that is what is truly the most important. Making new, beautiful memories with my children, that they will remember and carry with them. I should draw the distinction that with this, I have not thrown out the rules of my house that have always been there. Those remain in place, but I have simply made more time and been more involved with their playtime than I have recently. They are my rocks, my center in the universe that reassure me that everything in life will be alright. I can handle what comes our way. After all, I have survived much worse and so have they. Now it is our turn to be happy in life! That happiness is ours to seize, and develop, together. These beautiful gifts that I have been blessed with are the very reason I live and breathe. They are my everything! I know they will prove to be my strength tomorrow as well-no matter what I find out, I can get through it as long as I have them. Their beautiful smiles, the joy in their laughter, and seeing their faces when they say "I love you Mommy," throughout my day- these are the moments that design my road in life. This is true love at its finest. No love will ever be as strong or faithful as that of a mother and her child.
By marion scott5 years ago in Families
Family Differences
I've always wondered where do I start when it comes to sharing myself and just exactly what is going on. I hesitate at times as I start to feel by sharing my frustrations I may start to sound ungrateful or that I should feel more appreciative of having family. Yet, we always hear and see the statement about even our family can be toxic to us. My family can have it's great moments; where they will help each other out - but it does seem that a few use it to showcase to others that they are good people and that they do so much for others. But more often than not it has been that my family takes advantage of each other; or I feel of my good will nature as I have always been the one to go and help. I have complete knowledge of doing this and do find myself stuck in doing this even when I tell myself I shouldn't. Just as I have the knowledge I have fallen in the trap from being made to feel guilty at as a teenager by my mother for wanting to be my own person and wanting to know my real father better.
By Amelia Woodrum5 years ago in Families
Following My Father, Palo Alto, Part Two
Our move to a house right across the street from Jordan Junior High School proved to make for a miserable year for me. Throughout my childhood, it often seemed that we lived in a place I liked a lot, moved to a place I didn't like, moved to a place I liked, and so on. This was not always the case; sometimes there were two places, even three, in a row where I felt unhappy.
By Caroni Lombard5 years ago in Families
Kristen's POV
"ANSWER ME!" I yelled as I ran over to Kailey's seem to be, lifeless body. "What did you do to her?" I asked as tears began to roll down my cheeks. John and her mother were completely quiet. I looked up at them only to see that they were in utter shock. "Did you guys do this?" I asked, almost screaming. "We didn't mean too." Her mother said, "she was being so disrespectful and she was cursing at me, and then one thing led to another." She explained. "I don't believe you," I said as I looked around the room only to see Kailey's phone leaning against the door. I crawled over to it to call for some help and saw that someone was already on the line. I looked back and saw that they were watching me, so I got up and told them that I'll be right back. "Okay," they answered, almost in sync. I went outside to talk to the person who went by the name of Aunt Chelle. "Hello?" I said. "Hi, what is going on? Is she okay? Who is this?" She asked, with complete fret flooding her voice. "I'm her best friend, Kristen. No, she's not okay...she's unconscious. I have to call the cops. I can't leave her any longer up there with those people." I said, almost ready to click the end button. "Alright, I'm gonna take a flight. I'll text her phone, let me know if anything else happens." She says. "Okay, gotta go!" I said as I hung up and called the cops. I waited patiently for them to answer. "Hello, what is your emergency?" The guy on the other end of the phone asked. I quickly told him what I saw and the address of the house and then hung up. I quickly ran upstairs only to see them standing in the same position, staring at Kailey. "What are you guys just standing there for?" I asked in utter anger. Not a word came out of their mouth. I shook my head and sat on the floor next to her as I pulled her up to the point where her head can rest on my lap. I stared at her as I began to cry. "Everything is gonna be okay. I promise" I whispered and continued to cry. Shortly after, I heard the sirens. I was so happy. In just two point five seconds, two men ran up the stairs taking Kailey away from me. I got up and ran down the stairs with them. As I was walking out of the door, another man stopped me. "Hey, miss. How are you?" He asked. "Not so good, her mom and her fiancé are upstairs. I'm pretty sure they did this. Hurry!" I said while wiping my tears, and off he went and another one followed behind him. I continued on my way to the ambulance truck and sat in there with Kailey and the doctor. It almost felt like years went by before we finally reached the hospital. Everyone was moving so fast; almost like a movie scene. I tried to keep up with the doctors. While they were quickly running into the emergency room, I received a call. It was Chelle, Kailey's Aunt. "Hello?" I said "Hey, I'm in New York. What hospital am I meeting you at?" She asked "Brooklyn Hospital. See you soon!" I said in response, "See you soon." She ended the phone call. I locked my phone and continued to the ER that Kailey is in. The door was closed, I couldn't go in. I slid against the wall and began to cry. "How can one hurt someone this bad without any remorse? And then try to lie and get away with it!! I cannot believe this, she's done nothing wrong!" I exclaimed to the old lady right next to me. She looked at me as if I were crazy and walked away. I concealed my head into my knees and continued to cry. Only about twenty minutes passed by before I heard someone whisper my name in an unsure tone. I looked up only to see a pretty lady with long beautiful hair, who almost resembled Kailey. From there, I knew she had to be Aunt Chelle. "Hey, you made it!" I said as I got up and walked over to her. "Of course! How are you, honey? Is everything okay?" She asked as she pulled me in for a hug. "I don't even know. She's in that room, they wouldn't let me in, though!" I said, almost about to cry. "Why would anybody want to hurt someone as sweet as her? She did nothing wrong, I know she didn't." I continued. "Hey, hey!" She said as she gently pushes me back and holds on to my shoulder. I looked down because I didn't want her to see me crying. "Look at me, Sweetie." She said as she gently pushed my chin up, "don't cry, she's gonna be okay. Trust me. She's a fighter, she's strong. We just have to have faith!" She explained as she wiped my tears. "Okay? Just have faith." She concluded. I nodded my head and smiled at her, "Just have faith." I repeated. She nodded with a half-smile. And together, we waited until someone allowed us to finally see her. Thirty minutes have passed and Chelle and I fell asleep out of nowhere. We were sleeping across the room that Kailey was in. My head was rested upon Chelle's shoulder while she used the wall to rest hers upon. "Excuse me?" An unfamiliar voice spoke. We didn't answer. "Ladies!" He said again. Chelle and I slowly woke up as we realized that we were sitting on the hospital floor. "Uh, hi." Chelle said, "Hey, are you guys here for Kailey Miller?" He asked. "Yes," Chelle and I said in complete sync. We looked at each other and then Chelle continued, "uh, is she okay? Can we see her?" "She's fine. You guys may go in, she's waiting." He said with a smile. We smiled back and continued into the room. There she was, smiling at Chelle and me. "I knew you guys would come!" She said with excitement. "Aunt Chelle, I missed you!" She said as she opened her arms for a hug. Chelle walked over at a fast pace and fell into her hug. They both laughed as Chelle said how much she missed her as well. "Kristen, come here!" She said as she let one arm out to invite me into a group hug. I smiled as I walked over to her and fell into her arms. "I'm so glad you're okay! We were worried sick about you!" I said as I hugged them tighter. "I know, I know. But, I'm okay now. That's all that matters!" She smiled. "You're right." Chelle said, "you're completely right." Suddenly, silence began to overpower the room. It wasn't an awkward silence though, it was more like a calming silence. Shortly after, the hugging was done and the silence was broken. "Where are they?" Kailey asked, almost wishing that she hadn't. I didn't know what to say, so I looked over at Chelle. "Well, we don't know, honey. But they don't matter anymore..." Chelle said, "Why would say that?" Kailey asked, curiously. "Well, because...um, she's not... " her voice died out As she looked deeply into Kailey's eyes, "forget it, there's just no need to worry about her or her fiancée anymore. You're moving to Florida with me." Chelle concluded with complete hesitation. It almost sounded as if she was hiding something and she wanted us to catch on. "She's not...what?" Kailey asked with complete confusion flooding her voice. "She's just not important anymore, Kailey. She doesn't matter. You're living with me now." Chelle exclaimed. I looked over at Kailey and saw how confused she was. "Oh, okay," Kailey said, giggling. "Well, when can I leave? I don't wanna stay here anymore." She continued. "We can leave right now, get your clothes on," Chelle said. My eyes began to water because I realized that I was losing the only person that felt like a sister to me. "I'm gonna miss you, Kailey," I said, as I walked over to her and hugged her. "I'm gonna miss you too, don't worry though. You can come to visit sometimes, right?" She promised as she looked over at Chelle for assurance. "Yes, of course." Chelle said as she walked over to me, "I'll see you soon, honey. Don't worry!" She continued as she hugged me. Suddenly, the door opens and we all looked back, assuming that it would be the doctor but we were rudely mistaken.
By Steph Mathe5 years ago in Families
"Momma, why can't you love me?"
Mother and I have not spoken for two years. May of 2021 will be the 3 year anniversary of our failure to communicate. As my best friend recently lost her mother, and countless others die from Covid-19, I am reminded of the inability to know how my mother is doing. It doesn't matter anymore why we haven't communicated. I just believe it is important to be connected during such a dark and unprecedented time in our society.
By Davina Lyons5 years ago in Families
Living in Uncertain times with a disability
Scary times! No politics here. No opinions here. Just uncertainty and fear! All I can do is speak from a perspective of someone with autism. These times would be scary to a typical person so to say that it is scary for someone on the spectrum, would not be surprising. Living in a house with four people on the spectrum can be challenging, to say the least, but trying to keep peace in a world that is so challenging is difficult right now. School has been disrupted in our house. Work has been disrupted in our house. Kids that knew and understood their schedules have been thrown into an unpredictable maze with no way out. Teachers are trying to reach kids through a computer screen that are hard to reach in a physical classroom. Kids that need a structured schedule are falling apart. I, for one, thought I could do this. I really did think I could reach my child on the spectrum. I had no idea that she would go out of control and her world would be so turned upside down that she would be unreachable. The only thing that helped, at all, was to put her back into school. Is it safe enough to put her back in a physical classroom? I have no idea, but it comes down to quality of life. I have three kids on the spectrum and myself. Crazy! I know! My sanity became a factor as well. I love teaching my kids at home, but at some point, I had to recognize that if I don't have my space, as well, I was going to lose it. I always say that people with autism need time to be in their autism bubble every single day. We work so hard trying to fit in and act like we are not on the spectrum. It is crucial that we make time for ourselves and get lost in our own passions. I have many passions that I have not been able to do in months. I love to write. I love to read about marvel. I love to blog and work on my photography. I love to work on projects I have at home. I love to play games with my kids. I love to watch binge-worthy shows on Netflix, etc. These are all so important to me. I'm obsessed with antenna tv and trying to find the most channels without paying for them. I love scanner radios. I love taking a bath. I love just having a few minutes to breathe. In these uncertain times, a lot of what allowed me to breathe easier, has been taken away. A few minutes just for me. A few minutes to calm is so crucial to the rest of my day. I have a passion for the news and being informed, but during these uncertain times, that can bring about more anxiety. The world we are living in, is very scary and I'm not even sure what tomorrow is going to look like. Two of my kids are back in school, but one has to be home because he is immunodeficient. We are just trying to make it through until tomorrow. We all are. We are all just trying to find our new normal, but there is really no way to find it when there is NO new normal. Every day is different and there is no place to settle. Imagine being on the spectrum during these times when your entire life depends on structure and certainty. Two of my kids with autism, well, I think I can say all three of them have anxiety issues. One of my kids on the spectrum has generalized anxiety disorder and her behavior has been out of control. Her fears have been dictating her every move and she is stuck in fight or flight. We can't blame her at all because after watching our news, from people taking over the capital to covid, we are all living in uncertain times just trying to find our new normal. I feel like our world is under attack and it is coming from within. I pray for our country and I pray for those on the spectrum that is trying to make sense where there is no making sense.
By Ann Kagarise5 years ago in Families
Following My Father: Palo Alto, Part One
My family left San Francisco at the end of fifth grade. Why? Beats me. Dad still worked at John Blum's firm downtown. We moved many times during the years he worked for him. I've written before about how nonsensical most of our moving seemed. Dad had wanderlust in addition to a tendency toward the geographical cure.
By Caroni Lombard5 years ago in Families
Confession Of A Dad.
I wonder how my life would have turned out, had I not lied to my then three year old daughter. Her favourite pastime was watching cartoons on our 40-inch television. Me, I was not content with my life or job and so I decided to pursue Garden-Designing. I found an online diploma course but I was short of money by a £300. I sold my television that day. Back then, garden-designing was more important to me, a selfish halfwit, than cartoons.
By Rajaroy Joseph Alphonse5 years ago in Families
Our Secret Spot
June 2018 (21 years old at the time of writing) “Kel, that’s not how you do it!” I cautioned him “Who cares? I’m going faster than you!” my brother responds snarkily, laughing as he runs off in an awkward sort of tip-toe manner. And there we were, learning to skate for the first time. We don’t remember how we got there or who else was present. Still, I’ll never forget the happiness and security my brother and I shared that evening. Kelvin and I have always looked to each other for confidence, and it seemed we had found a safe place to talk about our lives and laugh about our struggles. The combination of disco lights, buzzing and blaring from the arcade games, and the rink DJ spinning the hottest tracks of 2008 was enough noise to drown out our voices. We had to experience this elation again. My brother began mowing lawns to earn a little cash, and I the same through domestic duties. Once we had been able to save consistently enough, we’d run off to the roller rink once, sometimes twice a month. From my mother’s divorce to her remarriage, and then the birth of our younger sister. Through our parents leaving to serve overseas, splitting us into different homes in the process. The rink was where we could escape together. Plans and dreams were thought up there because no one could tell us our hopes were foolish. The roller rink was our secret spot.
By Ashley Croban5 years ago in Families
