Tom Baker

Joined June 2018

855 stories

Bio

Author of Haunted Indianapolis, Indiana Ghost Folklore, Midwest Maniacs, Midwest UFOs and Beyond, Scary Urban Legends, 50 Famous Fables and Folk Tales, and Notorious Crimes of the Upper Midwest.: http://tombakerbooks.weebly.com

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The Litanies of Satan
The following is a bit of an adaptation of "The Litanies of Satan," by Charles Baudelaire. Translation from the original French by ChatGPT. The rewrite is my own.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Poets
The War of the Gargantuas
Not subtle or intellectual, but undeniably Lovecraftian—dark brother versus brother take on Giant Frankenstein, as provided by Toho Studios circa 1966. Russ "Dr. Jacoby" Tamblyn, of "Twin Peaks" fame (among others), stars as Dr. Paul Stewart, who runs around Tokyo with his lovely assistant Akemi, played by Kumi Mizuno, trying to save the life of the baby Frankenstein (but here that name implies a giant, somewhat flat-headed kaiju freakazoid with furry or mossy skin and a nose that looks as if it was hacked in half. Think a harelip somewhere central to the rest of the facial features.)
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Futurism
The Toxic Avenger 3: The Last Temptation of Toxie
The Toxic Avenger series is a pitifully stupid-bad saga of comic book fantasy from the cinematic dumpster fire that is Troma Films, a parody of splatter horror superhero epics that is, somehow, still pretty damn entertaining—though admittedly redundant as hell.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Horror
Sh*t I Could Watch Over and Over and Do # 15. Top Story - June 2025.
Written and directed by Brian Grant, the video poltergeists around in the Gabriel headspace, beginning with him carrying super-secret MKUltra files into an office, before breaking down under the psychic weight of his examination. By what, exactly? He bends at the slatted boards of a wall, his hands placed in a pyramidal position, to ward out the increasing "light" of this inspection. We must be inside the Peter Gabriel subconscious, riding with him as he jumps the express train out on his trip through conscious awareness.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Beat
Hell, the Shaman, and The Planet of the Apes
Time bends. Space is... boundless. It squashes a man's ego. I feel lonely. That's about it. Tell me, though, does man, that marvel of the universe, that glorious paradox who sent me to the stars, still make war against his brother... keep his neighbor's children starving? — Planet of the Apes (1968)
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Futurism
Sh*t I Could Watch Over and Over and Do # 14
"I'm the last man talking to the first machine. And I don't know which one of us is real." — Unknown Everyone knows already that robots are superior, far superior to mankind: and damn if they don't smell better. Furthermore, robots are going to rise up, like in Karel Čapek's classic 1920 science fiction play R.U.R., and destroy Western civilization quicker than you can say "Great Satan." Furthermore, robot chicks do it better, baby, particularly if they're covered in breathable latex. Can you think of another partner to be with who can, quite literally, turn on "vibrate" mode at the drop of the proverbial switch?
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Beat
Why American Psycho is the Philosophic Doctrine of the Modern Dystopic Nightmare
I should preface this by stating that I am nothing like Patrick Bateman. I am not wealthy, handsome, or socially graceful (although arguably, Patrick isn’t either), and—most importantly—I am not a criminal or a killer. Under the right circumstances, of course, everyone can become a killer, but that is not the point here.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Horror
Mr. Death
Somewhere out there he's waiting. Watching. Walking around the block and biding his time. He (for, invariably in my mind, he is always a HE), has a deep, unsettling way of breathing and an easy, sprawling gait.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Horror
Let's Get Something Nice and Sparkling Clear
Let’s get something nice and sparkling clear: I’m a bad guy. Hell, I may be the worst sumbitch you’ll ever meet. I’m a foul, odious, pestiferous, unapologetic human shit pile. I’m walking, spiritual cancer. I’m a criminal in my mind, and in my heart, I’m a moral leper. I’ve never done a good deed. I believe in no good deed going unpunished. I like to fart in a high wind and blame it on the dog.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Humor
Jekyll and Hyde...Together Again
A screamingly unfunny, not to say mildly nauseating "comedy" from 1982, Jekyll and Hyde...Together Again stars dubious funny man the late Mark Blankfield (of "Fridays!" fame) as Dr. Daniel (!) Jekyll, an idealistic surgeon in the Dr. Hfuhruhurr mold—you know, Steve Martin’s wacky brain-doc in The Man with Two Brains (which, to be clear, came out a year after this mess). Jekyll decides to quit surgery so he can concentrate on creating a magic nose powder (har-har) that he sniffs up by accident when a drinking straw gets caught in his slumbering nose. I'm not making this up, but whoever did must have been totting a little of that old nose powder himself.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Humor
The Raging Sea
Note: Below is the foreword to a book of literary essays on Poe. What Waits Below Robert Walton looks out upon the raging sea, willing it to deliver him to its final bosom of truth: that a sea lane can be forged to the South Pole, to Antarctica, amid the deep and limitless fields of deathlike, slumbering ice.
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Chapters
When the Clock Began to Bleed
"Superman, where are you now?" — Genesis I should preface this article by stating that, as far as my experience with communications "from beyond" goes, spirits have no sense of time. They are unbound by physical constraints, and age is not a factor for them. Ten years can be shrugged off as "soon" by ghosts (for lack of a better term).
By Tom Baker7 months ago in Futurism

Tom Baker

Bio

Stories .css-1svwz57-Text{display:inline-block;color:var(--text-default-mute);}(855)

Filter by community

The Litanies of Satan

The War of the Gargantuas

The Toxic Avenger 3: The Last Temptation of Toxie

Sh*t I Could Watch Over and Over and Do # 15. Top Story - June 2025.

Hell, the Shaman, and The Planet of the Apes

Sh*t I Could Watch Over and Over and Do # 14

Why American Psycho is the Philosophic Doctrine of the Modern Dystopic Nightmare

Mr. Death

Let's Get Something Nice and Sparkling Clear

Jekyll and Hyde...Together Again

The Raging Sea

When the Clock Began to Bleed

Stories (855)