The War of the Gargantuas

Not subtle or intellectual, but undeniably Lovecraftian—dark brother versus brother take on Giant Frankenstein, as provided by Toho Studios circa 1966. Russ "Dr. Jacoby" Tamblyn, of "Twin Peaks" fame (among others), stars as Dr. Paul Stewart, who runs around Tokyo with his lovely assistant Akemi, played by Kumi Mizuno, trying to save the life of the baby Frankenstein (but here that name implies a giant, somewhat flat-headed kaiju freakazoid with furry or mossy skin and a nose that looks as if it was hacked in half. Think a harelip somewhere central to the rest of the facial features.)

Tamblyn, the only Americano on the picture, was brought in to replace Tab Hunter, who didn't get to make the party for some reason, and who was described by producer Harry Saperstein as a "royal pain in the ass." Tamblyn is described as a "dancer" in his Wikipedia entry, and he was also a star in Al Adamson's quite awful yet still undeniably colorfully psychedelic and incredible Dracula vs. Frankenstein (not to be confused with Frankenstein vs. Dracula) from 1971, which featured Lon Chaney Jr., J. Carrol Naish, Angelo Rossitto, AND a special appearance by none other than Uncle Forry himself, Forrest J. Ackerman—who I once actually got an email from in the early days of the internet.

Wonders never ceasing and all...

Getting back to it, War begins with big slimy Lovecraft tentacles reaching up from a toy Tonka boat afloat the brackish waters off of coastal Japan. A terrified sailor is terrified some more when a giant squid creature from a calamari nightmare (perhaps one served at the Olive Garden with a glass of freshly squeezed vino) takes on the kaiju movie Frankenstein, who does battle with it before disappearing.

Then we cut to the whole thing going dark on us, and the military is called in and the scientists yak, and Paul "Russ Tamblyn" Stewart and Akemi come in and then go on a hiking trip to a Japanese island backed by some music on the soundtrack that sounds like something the Führerjugend might have listened to while marching to Stalingrad.

(This is not the only intensely horrible music on the soundtrack, as there is also an insufferably bad nightclub song that was covered by Devo, I suppose to be ironic. You look it up; I've got enough on my giant Japanese monsters plate right here.)

Toy buildings, toy cars, toy laser beams are smashed or brought out to shoot fake electrical rays—like giant tasers—at the two Frankenstein combatants, one of which I suppose evolved from the other. There's a certain disappointing sameness in having two identical monsters this size go for a wrasslin’ match—I mean, it's not as visually appealing as a giant lizard and a flying moth creature. Come to think of it: this film is a very dark film aesthetically, and spends a lot of time in the shadows. However, that doesn't temper the fun it brings a jot or tittle.

The military is called in, as in all of these movies. I could give away the ending and create a huge spoiler, but suffice it to say, the earth farts sparks and everyone goes to Walla Walla. Is that rendered in plain enough English for you, kimosabe?

Directed by Ishirō Honda, as if there was any doubt. Starring Russ Tamblyn in a role so unmemorable it's like he sleepwalked through it in an alternate life. I could give you more finer plot points, but what's the point? We'd lose the plot. I will add that Tarantino, and Guillermo del Toro, and Tim Burton, and even Brad F*CKIN’ Pitt have cited this film as an "inspiration"—as well as some manga or anime I can't offhand remember and feel as if I don't really care enough about how much f*cking INFO I give you during a g*ddamned movie review to even click back to Wikipedia, that unimpeachable internet resource, to verify.

Now, I've met the minimum word count. This was, to recap, a great, entertaining, mindless movie. Watch it. You'll never get the time it ate up in minutes of your life back. (And I'm searching here, like a couple of lost Frankensteins, for my volcanic undersea flatulent climax, and I'm hopin’ it isn't in vain.)

The War Of The Gargantuas | FULL MOVIE | Monster Kaiju Tokusatsu Action Adventure

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