Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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White House Doctor's Confirm Donald Trump Dying of Evil
White House Doctors confirmed today what many have long suspected, President of the United States Donald Trump is dying of evil. The disease is terminal, and there are no treatments and no cure. At a press conference surrounded by global media, white house chief medical officer Dr. Timothy Stephens, read a prepared statement saying. “It is with great sadness that we are prepared to announce today we have finally converged on a diagnosis for the mysterious illness that has plagued President Trump for much of his life, but recently turned much more serious. We had initially suspected frontotemporal dementia as the most likely cause based on his symptology which appeared to align closely with the seven stages of that disease. As a reminder that disease begins with mild cognitive changes followed by changes in behavior and difficulty with language. At that point the patient begins to see a greater impact on quality of life and personality changes. In the final stages we see significant memory loss followed by severe cognitive decline. President Trump’s early symptoms such as chronic incontinence requiring him to wear a urinary catheter and urine collecting bag running down the side of his leg at all times while in public, along with his strangely stilted manner of standing and walking, and ever more frequent non sensical incoherent ramblings all supported the hypothesis of frontotemporal dementia as the disease from which he has suffered for so long now.
By Everyday Junglist5 months ago in Humor
Nihilist Rejects Nihilism
In what many are calling the apotheosis of nihilism, for the first time ever a nihilist has rejected nihilism itself. Nihilism is a philosophical belief system which traditionally holds that life is without meaning. It encompasses various perspectives, but often includes the rejection of traditional values and objective morality. In its most extreme form it rejects all systems of beliefs and values, including all philosophies but for one, nihilism itself. That changed on Friday this past week when radical nihilist Ted Stephens reportedly rejected nihilism calling it “completely unfounded, meaningless, and indifferent” in a series of posts to various social media and web publishing platforms. The posts included a number of black and white images of a rail thin, pasty white, visibly despairing Mr. Stephens dressed in black t-shirt and black pants and wearing a black French beret staring sadly out a window. His head was enveloped in wispy tendrils of white haze emanating from a still burning, half smoked Marlboro red cigarette in an ashtray perched upon the only piece of furniture in the cold and dreary apartment Mr. Stephens calls home. Tears could be seen just beginning to form in each eye as he contemplated the meaninglessness of a life without even a philosophy of meaninglessness to describe the desperate sadness and hopelessness of it. Wondering what to make of a of universe about which we can have no certain knowledge and now empty of even a philosophy man could use to convey the true depths of its emptiness. If he were not a nihilist Mr. Stephens would have described it as very existential. Fortunately, having rejected nihilism he was now free to embrace existentialism which he reportedly has done with gusto. In his final post he said “rejecting nihilism as meaningless has allowed me the individual freedom and given me the responsibility to create meaning for myself while still allowing me to grapple with the great questions of meaning and existence. Most importantly it has allowed me to remaining depressed and sun averse. Moreover, its practitioners embrace cigarette smoking and the wearing of all black clothes and french berets with almost as much enthusiasm as the nihilists once did before I rejected them and their philosophy so completely and thoroughly.”
By Everyday Junglist5 months ago in Humor
There is No Cancer
In yet another blow to the credibility of the world's scientists and medical professionals another so called disease, cancer, has been shown to not exist. It is thought that world governments conspired with the scientific and medical community to prop up the cancer myth in order to gain control over regular people's lifestyles including diet and physical activity. By linking obesity and a huge range of chemicals and consumer products to cancer they conspired to force the global population to exercise and eat “healthier” foods like vegetables even though these foods are disgusting in flavor and texture. Exercise is also well known to be difficult and painful and shown to provide little to no benefit despite the effort required. The cancer myth has been linked to the vegetable conspiracy in which medical doctors and agriculture lobbyists conspired to increase vegetable consumption in exchange for lavish gifts and other favors. Cancer is the second major disease to be shown to not exist shortly after the COVID-19 hoax was uncovered. That fake pandemic was suppossedly caused by a virus, SARS-CoV-2, which we now know does not exist. The ridiculous sounding name should have been a dead give a way but the doctors and scientists promoting the hoax sounded very convincing with their lab coats and fancy degrees giving instant credibility among the gullible public. Since that time we have also learned that there is no such thing as viruses and all so called viral diseases are actually caused by unknown disease causing agents that are definitely not viruses. Regular people around the world reacted with dismay and suspicion increased that other major diseases of humans may also be fake or a hoak. Many are speculating that heart disease will be next. Some regular people have begun to question if death itself may also be a myth. They believe we all live forever in a disease free, pain free, state of laziness and happiness from which scientists and doctors have conspired to deprive us out of jealousy or greed. One thing we know for certain. Scientists are bad.
By Everyday Junglist5 months ago in Poets
The War of the Americas - Rescue & Loss
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. While I do use some people from the real world as characters including the current president of the United States of America Donald Trump and the current president of Mexico Claudia Scheinbaum, what is said by them and/or about them is totally fictional and is in no way meant to suggest that is how they are in real life or what they believe in real life. The actions they do or do not take in the story are also of course totally made up. I have no idea how either would respond if this situation were to arise and my knowledge of the specifics of the politics of Mexico is very limited. My knowledge of the structure of their military, etc. is based on what is publicly available and may be less than accurate or completely wrong. I know exactly as much about the Mexican military as Wikipedia knows. Anything else I made up. I know nothing as to the existence or not of a Mexican intelligence apparatus let alone the level of sophistication if may or may not possess if it does in fact exist. Hopefully it is also obvious that I have no idea what the CIA’s assessment of the mental fitness of any world leader is, nor do I even know if they produce such an assessment. I also have no special knowledge of the CIA, its operations, policies, procedures, or history. In that way I am like 99.999% of all people on the planet. I also have no special knowledge of the Mexican cartels, their structure, leadership or political leanings outside of the little I have read in researching this story. Further, while the two main characters, Dominic and Sylvia Platt are (very) loosely based on my wife and myself there are more differences than similarities. To be clear my wife is not now, nor has she ever been an agent of the CIA or any other American or foreign intelligence agency. In fact, she has never been employed by any government agency, state or federal. While I have worked for the federal government very briefly (~1 year) as a fellow with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention I am also not currently employed by any government agency, foreign or domestic.
By Everyday Junglist6 months ago in Chapters
It is Time to Call a Truce in the War Against Parts of Ourselves. Top Story - July 2025.
One of the most irritating aspects of many religions and spiritual systems is their overuse of terms and concepts associated with war and warfighting in their philosophical musings about the self. It also happens to be highly hypocritical in many cases, since many of these same religions and systems of spirituality teach that war and fighting are evils to be avoided at all costs. Essentially they tell us that war is bad, unless it is a war against ourselves, or parts of ourselves. In that case, war is noble and a thing to be valued. Eastern religions overdo this tendency in spades with Buddhism leading the way.
By Everyday Junglist6 months ago in Humans
Is a Life Free of Regrets Really What We Should Be Striving For?
The idea that the ideal life lived is one free of regrets is a philosophical position that most of us have been exposed to consistently and regularly from a very early age. It was preached as gospel in books, movies, television, and every other form of mass media by friends, peers, colleagues, presidents, kings, queens, prime ministers, and everyday Joes and Janes. The deathbed speech in which the dying person says “I have no regrets” with a smile on their face, as they take their last breath is a classic and highly cliched example. Basically the idea goes that when we die if we can honestly say that we have no regrets that means we had a good life. That does not imply that we had a perfect life or never made mistakes or only made good decisions. It only means that we recognize that even if some of our choices were less than ideal, we still accept them as a part of life and understand that sometimes what seem like bad choices may lead to good outcomes in unexpected ways. Essentially, that life is unpredictable and that we are fallible beings who don’t always do the right things. We do not regret the bad decisions we made, we accept them as a normal part of life and of being human. Importantly and most critically, if we could go back in time we would not change anything with respect to the decisions we made because ultimately it was the sum total of all those decisions and choices, both good and bad, that led us to where we are today, dying in our deathbeds thankful that we can honestly say we have no regrets.
By Everyday Junglist6 months ago in Psyche
The Second First Time Again Revisited
"This will be the second time you have invented a new genre of writing?" Sean asked skeptically of his close friend Tom as they drove slowly down Main Street. It was a gorgeous spring day, traffic was light, and they had the windows rolled down. "Not exactly my doubting Thomas." Sean was quite pleased with himself for having thought up that reply, which managed to use his friends name in a way which he thought quite clever and he laughed softly to himself before continuing. "I have invented many more genre than two, however, this is the second one I have invented specifically in response to a writing challenge. And, ironically, or perhaps not, they are both what I would call meta genre. The first I called meta-magical satironical realism." Tom looked at Sean and rolled his eyes, snorted loudly then said "Satironical is not a word dude." "It is a word I invented, exactly like the genre which it describes. You will note, if you are paying attention, that an invented word to describe an invented genre is also very meta which is perfect since the entire genre is meta, meta-magical at least. And of course, realistic. Thus the name." Tom laughed out loud at that. His friend Sean was a nice guy, and he really did like him, but he was certifiably insane and often said things that made sense to no one but himself, and sometimes not even that much sense. "Buddy, you are one strange dude. OK. So, you have me interested. What is this second new meta genre you have invented?" "I call it meta meta satironical realism for reasons you will understand if you pay attention closely. "Wait a second buddy, slow down. I need to make sure I understand what you just said. You said meta meta satironical realism? So it has an extra layer of meta and is without any magical elements, but is still satironical, whatever that means? "Don't let anyone ever say you are not capable of paying attention my youthful ward Thomas, for clearly you are. You are correct. Meta meta satironical realism. And satironical simply means it is both satirical and ironic at the same time, or it can mean that it is satirical about being ironic or that it is a satire of an ironic story or ironically it can also mean it is irony that feels like satire or which has a satirical tone. Get it?" "Gheezus Mary and Joseph Sean you are friggin insane. But sure, I'll play along. I get it." They had stopped at a red light, so Sean took a deep breath and composed himself while he waited for the light to turn green before continuing. "I call this genre meta meta satironical realism because the particular challenge for which it is being written is asking the writer to tell a story about doing something again,which feels like the first time. My story, is about how this particular story I am telling right now feels almost exactly like a previous meta story I submitted for a different writing challenge for which the prompt was to write a story in the genre of magical realism. That was the inspiration for the birth of the aforementioned never before seen genre of meta magical satironical realism." "OK Sean. So go ahead. Tell the story. How does it feel almost exactly like that time?" "First, that story failed to win or place in the challenge or receive even an ounce of recognition nor praise, even though it was a work of genius likely unparalleled in the history of writing. This story, is almost certainly destined to the same fate and it is almost as genius. Second that story was intended to be satironical and so is this one. Third and finally, that story was intended to be meta, whereas this one is intended to have one extra layer of meta." Sean paused there, appearing deep in thought for a moment, then spoke again. "My apologies, I suppose that would not actually be a similarity between the two stories, but rather a difference. Oh well. Even I sometimes make mistakes." Both Sean and Tom laughed out loud at that as they continued driving slowly down Main Street feeling like it was the first time they had even done so, even though in actuality it was the second.
By Everyday Junglist7 months ago in Fiction
Expatrianas Histories - In the Image of the Gods
“If it isn’t the Goddess of peace and love, Elyria.” Elyria immediately recognized the voice that had spoken as coming from the God Loki. The arrogant tone dripping with condensation always made her skin crawl and she scowled as she replied. “Hello Loki, God of fools and circus clowns. I am surprised to see you alone. If you have left your whorefriend Aphrodite to her own devices in your absence, you will want to pick up some new bed sheets for you will surely find your own fouled with a preponderance of manseed upon your return home. Just because Zeus commanded me to allow you to join us does not mean I must converse with you. Say what you will, then be gone from my presence.” “Now, now Elyria. You are certainly in a mood today. I was just talking with your favorite little mortal slave Baj Expatrianas, and he was telling me some very interesting stories about you. Well, not exactly telling me. I was pulling them from his puny human mind.” Elyria turned and stared directly in the eyes of Loki, her own eyes ablaze, a glow could be seen outlining her entire form. It flickered and crackled like blue fire. When she spoke, her words had an edge of steel and carried a real threat of violence. “If you hurt him Loki, you will meet one of my Elyrian spears up close and personal as the guest of honor at a recreation of one of Demon Drakula’s feasts.” Loki laughed at that, infuriating the Goddess even more. “You will not find life nearly as amusing with the tip of my spear inserted through your backside and protruding out of your mouth as you dangle over my breakfast.” she spat and the fire around her form grew even brighter. “Hold Goddess Elyria. I meant no offense and I laid not a finger on your manservant. He is uninjured. Besides I dare not have touched him with his two feline protectors lurking about. His familiars Mythos and Ethos are highly favored among their kind. I have no wish to find myself their enemy as to be an enemy of the cats is to not be long for this plane of existence.”
By Everyday Junglist7 months ago in Fiction
