Nihilist Rejects Nihilism

In what many are calling the apotheosis of nihilism, for the first time ever a nihilist has rejected nihilism itself. Nihilism is a philosophical belief system which traditionally holds that life is without meaning. It encompasses various perspectives, but often includes the rejection of traditional values and objective morality. In its most extreme form it rejects all systems of beliefs and values, including all philosophies but for one, nihilism itself. That changed on Friday this past week when radical nihilist Ted Stephens reportedly rejected nihilism calling it “completely unfounded, meaningless, and indifferent” in a series of posts to various social media and web publishing platforms. The posts included a number of black and white images of a rail thin, pasty white, visibly despairing Mr. Stephens dressed in black t-shirt and black pants and wearing a black French beret staring sadly out a window. His head was enveloped in wispy tendrils of white haze emanating from a still burning, half smoked Marlboro red cigarette in an ashtray perched upon the only piece of furniture in the cold and dreary apartment Mr. Stephens calls home. Tears could be seen just beginning to form in each eye as he contemplated the meaninglessness of a life without even a philosophy of meaninglessness to describe the desperate sadness and hopelessness of it. Wondering what to make of a of universe about which we can have no certain knowledge and now empty of even a philosophy man could use to convey the true depths of its emptiness. If he were not a nihilist Mr. Stephens would have described it as very existential. Fortunately, having rejected nihilism he was now free to embrace existentialism which he reportedly has done with gusto. In his final post he said “rejecting nihilism as meaningless has allowed me the individual freedom and given me the responsibility to create meaning for myself while still allowing me to grapple with the great questions of meaning and existence. Most importantly it has allowed me to remaining depressed and sun averse. Moreover, its practitioners embrace cigarette smoking and the wearing of all black clothes and french berets with almost as much enthusiasm as the nihilists once did before I rejected them and their philosophy so completely and thoroughly.”

Professional academic philosophers reacted to the news with stunned amazement. Prominent Nietzsche scholar Brian Leiter, a contemporary American philosopher known for his work on Nietzsche and metaethics, and a highly respected figure in the field issued a statement by email that read in part "The importance and impact of Mr. Stephens social media posts with respect to nihilism and his rejection of it on nihilistic grounds cannot be overstated. The entirety of the work of Friedrich Nietzsche will need to be revisited in light of this brilliant intellectual leap made ironically by an armchair philosopher with only a 2 year 'degree' from a non accredited online 'university.' In addition to Nietzsche the works of Fyodor Dostoevsky, Albert Camus, and Samuel Beckett, who each explored themes of meaninglessness and absurdity in their literary works will all need to be reexamined and reassessed. If I were the Dean of a university philosophy department you better believe I would be on the phone right now with Mr. Stephens asking if he would be so kind as to honor me by accepting a full professorship with tenure at my school. Genuis of the sort displayed by Mr. Stephens only comes along once in a century. Mark my words, Ted Stephens will someday be mentioned along side Ludwig Wittgenstein as one of the greatest philosophers of all time."