What Was It This Time?
I was watching an old episode of Gilligan's Island. Ok, I know, they're all old now. Anyway, it's the one where they all get superhuman powers. Because of the radioactive vegetables. You know, just regular Gilligan's Island stuff. When suddenly! (of course 'when suddenly', that's just how these things work). When suddenly Gilligan turns and looks right at me through the screen and says, "Scotty, come here we need your help," all urgent like. And then I'm just there. On the island, standing next to Gilligan. And all the other characters are there too. But they're not in the radioactive vegetables episode anymore. Instead, some weird talking seaweed has been washing up on shore, and the professor has called a meeting to figure out what to do about it. He introduces me as Han Zon, well known marine biologist and expert in talking seaweed. Apparently I have just swum to the island from a shipwreck. I have been guided by dolphins because, as luck would have it, I have studied their language and we get along swimmingly, so to speak. As the professor blahs on about my marvelous qualifications to help deal with the talking seaweed, I stare nervously at Ginger. I've undressed her in my mind many times as a thirteen year old pervert, but now in the presence of the real Ginger I feel like an awkward fool, in other words just my normal self. The Professor finishes up and turns to me. "So Mr. Zon what can you tell us?" I realize I'll just have to make it up as I go. "Well," I start, "Talking Seaweed, scientifically known as Seaweedicus Hablababla, speaks only in code. Unfortunately, nobody has ever been able to crack their code."
