Inspiration

Love??????????
Whats next? 05/03/21 Do I talk about love and all the times I chased it. Do I begin with the first thing I ever fell in love with? When I was 10 there was this boy that came to the park with his brother, he ended up playing with my friends and I. He was a cute boy. Little did I know that boy, would be the same boy I had a crush on for 4 years. There was only one person I ever loved. I wasn’t apart of the plan, I was just a puzzle trying to be fixed. I secretly loved a boy for 4 years and wasn’t able to shout to the world the way I wanted. There was things shown to me in my dreams, that he confirmed were true. Every night he was on my mind and never once did I lose it. Its kind of bizarre to say, there was a sense of home, happiness and respect. When I sit back and think about it, It was like a hidden relationship that only we knew about. The things we said to each other, time spent with one another, I never did that with a boy before. Even when I was in my first relationship because the boy I loved decided to live a lie instead of his truth, and he knows what I’m talking about. The boy I loved was the only boy I ever wanted and he didn’t want me. I moved on and got cheated on, I never loved my boyfriend and maybe thats why I feel like I cheated without actually cheating. My heart was never in it and I knew I just couldn’t stomach the fact that I could possibly have someone who actually wanted to show me off to the world. Just come to realization that I was just another girl he got to take a virginity from, I stayed and I knew what he was capable of. The night I got raped, my ex decided on his behalf to go out of his way to tell my mom what happened and the proceed to tell his friends that I cheated on him and wanted to have sex. All my life, since I was child I told myself I would wait for the one God has for me and I was impatient, I hurt myself, I stayed in something toxic. The boy I loved, did like me. Liked me enough to shatter the image of love. Took my trust, took my everything. He broke me, he has a part to play in the person I turned into and its the exact thing I didn’t want to be. I was out chasing that same affection that I once had in every possible guy who would just answer my message. I never had sex with any of the guys I messaged. I gave a guy head once after high school and never again. I immediately hated myself and resorted to doing things i shouldnt have done like fine "art" in my arm. Once I stopped chasing and focusing on myself I was able to find Love that was lost and new love that I never had before. I wanted to hold on to a image that I believed was love for so long that I blinded myself to see that the Love was in ME the whole time. My God blesses me with unconditional love and I was too busy chasing the love of man. The love has and always will be in me and if the next guy comes along and doesn’t treat me the way I treat myself or his mother, then I’ll stay in the presence of God my whole life, theres no place I rather be but in Yahweh presence.
By Unésha2 years ago in Writers
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RUN
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By Unésha2 years ago in Writers
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