types of vulnerability

Vulnerability

02/12/24

WARNING: mature language is used

What does it mean?

- the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

What does emotional vulnerability mean?

- a state of emotional exposure that comes with a certain degree of uncertainty. It involves a person's willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved. The fear of vulnerability is a very common fear.

What is physical vulnerability?

- the ability of the built environment, including homes, roads, bridges, hospitals, schools, and government buildings, to withstand impacts. Generally, physical vulnerability is represented as the monetary value of physical assets in the hazardous zone

When it comes to vulnerability its more than just being vulnerable with people, it’s coming to terms with yourself and realizing that we haven’t been vulnerable completely. We haven’t completely opened up because our mind has created a barrier around parts of our subconscious to block out any negative memories that have happened. Majority of the time its our trauma, sexual trauma, mental, emotional, physical, etc. When it comes to being vulnerable with yourself, you have to ask yourself some harsh questions. Sometimes you get mad at your self, sometimes you get mad with others. We try to identify is it us or other people in this situation. Sometimes we sit and ponder on its all my fault, we cry and beat ourselves up for the mistakes we’ve made. Its the fact that you can sit there and identify that the actions you took towards a situation was not worth it, first you have to forgive yourself and move past that burden. Second is admitting the truth to the people in the situation, sometimes we don’t always get the opportunity to tell the people we wronged in these situations were sorry, openly telling your truth and admitting where you went wrong, whether its a letter, journal, to the universe, to the public or whomever, its the fact you are at the point of release. Being vulnerable in ways you never experienced before is usually uncomfortable and we want to quit the journey. Ask yourself this, is it worth wearing a mask? Knowing deep down you aren’t truly happy and the only reason you want to quit is because you made yourself believe that, that lifestyle is meant for you. We all have dreams and aspirations so why are you following everyone else? When were kids we never questioned a thing, never asked or wonder where our next meal was coming from, how we will get clothes or money, we Just had it, Universe always provided, regardless of how it came. GOD ALWAYS PROVIDED, THEY WERE ALWAYS GUIDING AND PROTECTING US. When we pulled away from the imaginations of this world and started adapting the 9-5 mindset get a job, get married have kids, put your kids in school, pay for their graduation, say bye bye now there adults and die. We waste all our life living for others, we have the free will and choice to live the life we want. So why do you care if the world judges you for BEING FREE? Does their opinion matter or is it your validation trauma coming up, the abandonment issue of no one ever having an input in your life or giving advice, looking for love in all the wrong places. For the longest time though you convinced yourself you are worthy of the life you choose regardless of what others say, until that one person said “Why are you doing that? Get a Job, etc.” so you fell in the matrix and wasted your time working for the MAN. No one is truly happy following what Society told us. Why should we struggle when Struggle isn’t even real, its Striving To Right Undeniable Grudges Given Lifetimes to Embrace. Every lifetime we always choose the same thing over and over again. This lifetime we are Righting All our Wrongs with the RAW uncut versions of ourselves were afraid to show. The world will have to learn to either Love me for all of me Or sit on the back burner while God guides them back, the seed will be sown the more you change and open others eyes. You will get a sense of peace and freedom for living your truth and everyday we always learn new things about our selves. Healing is a journey so don’t believe you will magically become healed over night. Our Pride and Ego make it a bit of challenge to open up, we fight between heart and logic. Always follow your heart and gut, logic will make you second guess what your intuition already told you in situations. You can be logical to the sheep in the matrix but for the WOKE ones intuition is our superpower, we follow that. Sometimes were put in uncomfortable positions and that causes our ego and pride to pop up and say f no, really take that f no and transmute it into F YES, I will go for it, I don’t care how uncomfortable I am.

Let’s talk about emotional vulnerability. As you can see I put the definition of vulnerability here as well as emotional and physical.

Were deep diving into emotional vulnerability and as my cousin explain emotions are basically “energy in motion” your probably wondering what that means, when you wake up and feel today is going to be a great day, everything is going so smoothly so you stay content with that emotion. So here comes another individual with anxious energy, they are very doubtful. You feel this energy, now your questioning is it me or them? Then you’re wondering why am I mad, why do I feel anxiousness. We look at these feelings as I never experienced it before, when in reality we have and the reason your day started off good was because of mindset and God came along to see are you going to keep that same strong mindset or let the “energy in motions” of others affect you? Think about a time where you needed to be emotional vulnerable and you just couldn’t, you were not sure how to comfort yourself in these feelings, let alone someone else. When we identify our emotional vulnerability, what feeling you hid away years and years on end, we can learn to take that feeling, embrace it, acknowledge it, cry about it and finally transmute it into beauty, into something no one has ever thought of because its ours, its our trauma that were making beautiful art. Lets talk about depression, its something I’ve struggled with for years, don’t get me wrong I do have days where I just want to give up and my toxic thought patterns come up and make me sometimes believe I’m less than. When I’m in this mindset, it usually takes about 4 hours before I snap out of it and realize that “hey, you are not there anymore, you are not the same as before, you’ve grown and changed”

I stand in the mirror every rising and evening and I talk to myself for 5-10 minutes and tell myself how great I am. The world will make you feel like you’re conceited because you talk about yourself in such a high standard, the only difference is YOU took the time to heal. You took the time to not be like everyone else. Life has so many lessons and it’s only a matter of time before it hits us and makes us sit down and truly go in. When I was child I would sit outside talking to the sky, the bees, the grass, just talk to nothing. At least what was nothing wasn’t nothing, cause on the other side of that was celestials, my higher self, God, Shekinah, archangels and more. What may look like loneliness to others was really a breathtaking moment, to others I was crazy, to the other side we can’t see just believe in, they were always watching and taking care. I knew who God was, the representation was not there as a kid. I would act out, I was a bully, I was stealing and just being an overall BIG DICK. When I was in grade 5 or 6 I had a complete switch, as if a layer of myself was ripped off and I was seeing things I never saw before. All my summers, PA days, holidays or just days off, I would sit at home and see “my friends” all go out together and the hilarious thing is, it was the hiding. Instead of being honest, they kept me around and made me feel small. I realized I was getting emotionally abused at home and then at school. Not everyone is for you and life will show you that. Especially people you call close, or known for a long time they like to talk down on your dreams. The emotional abuse I experienced at home, caused me to be emotionally abusive at school. The people who spoke down on me or made me feel less then, were the people I would emotionally abuse. I went from bullying people who didn’t do shit too me to bullying the people who told me that was okay. The ring leader in “my old friend group” would talk shot about everyone, so I knew not to say much around her. It was more so the fact that I stayed in that. I got marked by what I associated with, if people only knew I was just muppet with someone else hand in my ass, someone would have reached out and saved me. That’s exactly what happened, I was bulimic and anorexic in elementary, I would avoid eating cause I was told I was fat so I convinced myself it was true. Never ate breakfast, lunch or dinner, just sweet peppers and fruits during snack time or any break I got. I would come home, have a lemon honey tea, and one butter and jam sandwich and go about my evening. One day in school I openly admitted to a this girl and she will know who it is because despite me building a relationship with her, I tarnished it as soon as I went back to the people who hurt me. She asked me in grade 7 “why are you even friends with them” I simply said, I have no one, you guys have your own group and I just shift from group to group. She wasn’t wrong tho why was I holding on? Eventually grade 8 came and I graduated. That summer I told myself I was going into high school to make new friends, I was socially awkward yet brutally honest all in one. I became vulnerable, when I went into Highschool looking to make friends, I sat after school for the mens volleyball, not only cause I had a crush on someone, I also enjoyed the aggressive nature the boys had, the you can make a joke with them and no one gets butt hurt or even the fact you can chat with them about anything and they will be honest with you 25/8. This is where people assume you fuck the guys you hang around, which made me pull away cause it was never like that, yet people only wanted to see what they wanted. Bizarre as that sounds, I graduated high school by myself, everyone I knew acted like I was a stranger. A vulnerable moment would be trusting your friend not to hurt you and do anything. This is me being vulnerable with the reader of this book. I was raped at 17, I just came out of a shitty relationship and my guy best friend who’s always been real with me, didn’t open his mouth once that they liked me. This is emotional abuse, making it seem like a relationship could form from this, due to racist parents and caring about the opinions of others, caused him to take away my trust and openness to be loved again. Its something I’ve struggled with. I’m 22 almost 23 as I write this and I can finally admit to you Mrs/Mr. Reader deep down I’ve avoided this part of me cause I don’t ever want to be reminded of this, how can I get into a relationship with my person and still have pain? Its not fair for them, when they didn’t cause any of it. From the moment I met my other half, my world, my light, I felt a shift in myself to be better, not to hate or dwell on the past pain but take that pain and transmute it for myself, in my makeup, my art, my poetry, everything. I forgive myself in this situation because I never took the time to dive deeper into this situation and acknowledge its okay that it happened, its okay I was angry, its okay I’m sad, it taught me to be closer with myself, it taught me to be in love with myself, that all the broken parts of me will be made whole again, in a whole new body. Like a snake shedding its skin, we do too. Like a larva, into a caterpillar and finally into a beautiful butterfly. Emotional vulnerability was finally admitting I’ve suppressed emotions inside. I don’t open up to people cause all they do is hurt me, if that’s my mindset, ill make it my reality. I will make new relationships with people of the same mind, when I feel the energy shift and it gives me off vibes, I know this place, situation, person whatever it is, is not worth it and I have to let it go. Sometimes it hurts more letting go then actually having it physically. Its just an abandonment issue. Instead of myself choosing to blame everyone, I take accountability for where I went wrong, I journal, talk to God, just full on talk to Them as my best friend everyday and every night. We’ve never completely have been alone in any situation. We always had a sixth sense. Deep diving into my emotional vulnerability with myself and others I find I push people away before they can hurt me. Instead of self-sabatoging what God gave me, I have to allow these emotions to appear so I can feel it, really indulge on the hurt and pain I endured. Emotional Vulnerability isn’t just identifying depression, anxiety, fear, it’s also about the love, happiness, gratitude for the beauty of this world. We’re going to talk about Good emotional vulnerability. How one can go from negative, toxic thought patterns to exquisite vulnerability, a love and joy that goes beyond. Before we get into that the next part of this section is physical vulnerability, this is something were currently working with and as I write and journal how to be more physically vulnerable with myself, others and my atom (other half), while we work through our PTSD and getting down to opening up that side up. Please join me on the next page.

Physical Vulnerability isn’t just setting a side your pride and ego, its allowing yourself to feel. Physically we get hugs and kisses, sometimes high fives, people willing to help us. Then we have another side of us that wonders why the hell are these people being so nice? Have you ever take the moment to reflect and think maybe there’s something in my life I need to heal in order to become childlike and free like the rest of the world. For the longest time we go out side and we pass judgement on EVERYONE and you can’t sit here and read this and say you don’t. At some point in our life we actually judged someone before even knowing them. When you go out and show the new version of you, you will experience that same judgement you gave others for being happy and free, you will feel the eyes and energy of others passing judgement solely on what they see today. Its kind of messed up, its our karmic debt to pay for going out there and being a judge Judy. As the religious fanatics would say “God is the only Judge” they still allow someone to judge their life. They are no different, then the pigs who literally have to be forced on schedule before being slaughtered. When I say slaughter I don’t mean physically despite that’s what were talking about right now, I mean the fact that their mental, emotional, childlike self that wants to come out can’t because, they’ve been so programmed to believe this is the only life they get to live. We can plant the seed, let it grow and harvest.