TACO Calling PACO - 3

This conversation happened on September 3, 2025, after Trump watched clips from the military parade President Xi of China threw on the Tiananmen Square (!!!) to celebrate the end of WW2. The parade was attended by Putin, Kim Jon Un and other heads of states who'd gathered for the Shanghai Cooperation Organization's summit in Tianjin, China (Aug.31-Sept.1). Many experts see the summit as China's attempt to redefine the global relationships toward a multi-polar world with many centers of power and influence, and the parade - as a deliberate showoff of the Chinese military might and advanced military tech and equipment.

"Hello, Vlad?"

"Hi, Donnie, I can't really talk right now." [low, almost whispering]

"Why? It's me!"

"I know. Only if it's quick. I don't have much time."

"Really? Even for me? What are you doing?"

"Xi is throwing us this magnificent, lavish state dinner after the day at the parade. We are in the middle of it right now. He is sitting right next to me."

"Oh wow, really? He is right there with you? Who else is there?"

"Our friend Kim and some other dignitaries."

"Uhm, and our friend Modi? Seems like he is a special friend to you now, holding hands and all... Is he your special friend, Vlad?" [sounding jealous]

"He has already left, some urgent things at home, I guess. Or maybe he just didn't want to watch the parade [chuckles]. Wait a minute, Donnie, are you jealous or something? You sound jealous."

"Of course I'm jealous. So jealous! You guys are having such a good time there. Looks like you're having a great time."

"We are indeed. I told you you should have come."

"You know I can't. Too much in the face for our so-called western allies."

"So-called? That's progress, Donnie, you calling them so-called allies."

"That's right, so called. They are not even paying their fair share into NATO, just constantly begging for our support, money and arms. Constantly begging, never stopping!"

"And then giving a lot of it to Ukraine!"

"They are buying stuff for Ukraine from us now, but that's a different story. Totally different story, Vlad. You know I'd rather be with you there than listen to their lectures on American leadership, human rights, democracy and all that crap. I would rather watch Xi's military parade with you! It looked so good on TV!"

"It looked even much better in person, Donnie! Those Chinese soldiers were so in-sync, marching as one. And looking at Xi like he is their God, with so much crazy devotion!"

"I noticed that! They did look crazy! Those eyes! Do you think they might have been high on something?"

"High on patriotism and loyalty to their country and leader, for sure. They are like well-trained beasts ready to tear anyone up who goes up against China. It gave me goosebumps, Donnie, even my soldiers looked pale by comparison!"

"And mine were just a joke! That parade they threw for me was just a clown show! I was so angry! A clown show with the squeaking tanks!"

"Well, Donnie, parades like Xi's require months and months of preparation and rehearsals. No one can outdo him, it's like the Beijing Olympics that no one could outdo for a long time. Xi has a lot of money and people for these kinds of things. Give your soldiers a break, it was kinda short notice." [giggling to the side]

"They also had months, from January to June! They just didn't want to do it, wanted to sabotage me! Don't defend them, Vlad, they also had months to prepare!" [almost shouting]

"Ok, ok, Donnie, you don't have to be yelling. Xi is already looking at me like he wants to know who I am talking to. And now you are so loud I'm afraid he's figured it's you."

"Oh, really? Could you pass him the phone? I wanna congratulate him on the beautiful parade."

"I don't think it's wise, Donnie. I don't want him to know that we have this kind of special relationship where you can call me at any time."

"Really? Why? Are we hiding from him, Vlad?" [whispering]

"In a way, we are."

"Oh, OK."

"He is looking at me again, Donnie, like he is jealous. I have to wrap this up."

"Wait, Vlad, I have something important to tell you. Very important."

"Ok, but let me finish this call now so that Xi is not suspicious. I'll call you back, OK?" [hangs up]

Trump, looking at the phone, "Ok, I guess."

***

About two hours later.

"Hello, Donnie, I'm calling you back, as promised!" [slurring his words]

"Two hours later??? I've waited and waited, Vlad."

"Xi was looking at me like a hawk all the time, I couldn't escape. I just now returned to my hotel. It's almost midnight here, we've been at that dinner for over four hours!"

"Really? It's noon here, and you made me wait! Wait a second, Vlad, are you drunk???"

"Just a little bit, Donnie, a tiny little bit. I still can talk, can't I? What was that important thing you wanted to talk about?"

Trump, suddenly angry, jealous and frustrated that he missed all the fun in China, "Stop bombing Ukraine, Vlad! Just stop it!"

"Woah, Donnie, where is this coming from? Why are you bringing up Ukraine again?"

"Listen, Vlad, you promised me you'd sit with Zelenskyy one-on-one to talk about ending the war."

"I never did, Donnie. I promised I'd think about it, if we could find a good place and time." [speaking a lot clearer]

"So, did you? Did you think about it, Vlad?"

"Yes." [pause]

"And???"

"Still not sure about the place, but I think we should do it after October 10. That will give us a little more time for preparation."

"But... but that's too late, Vlad!"

"Too late for what, Donnie?"

"For the... You know what, Vlad, if you don't set a meeting with Zelenskyy within two weeks or so, I will give up on you both! I'll just give up on this whole peace thing!"

"I know, Donnie, isn't that why they call you TACO?"

"Well, that's too much, Vlad! That's a red line! I can't talk to you like that!" [hangs up, angry]

Putin, looking at the phone, "Did he just hung up on me? Oh well, I guess we'll have to work with the two-week deadline. Again." [chuckles meanly]

***

Author's note: The Nobel Peace Prize winners are usually announced around October 10. My prediction is that if Trump is not awarded the Prize (which he only wants because Obama received it in 2009 'for nothing'), he will lose interest to ending the Russian war against Ukraine instantly.

And here is a clip from a right-wing Putin-loving YouTube "news" channel with the compilation from today's military parade. Mighty authoritarian rulers and their boot-licking news outlets know how to put up a spectacle: