PACO Calling TACO - 2

This conversation happened on August 14, one day before the Friday summit in Alaska.

"Hello, Donnie?"

"Yes, Vlad."

"Do you think you could reconsider Alaska and come to Moscow instead?"

"Why?"

"In the recent years, I have developed an aerophobia."

"Aero... what?"

"Aerophobia, fear of flying."

"Ah, I think it's called aviophobia. I used to have it too, you know, but I grew out of it." [chuckles].

"Really? When?"

"Like in the late seventies, early eighties, when flying was not as safe and planes dropped from the sky like flies. They were just dropping from the sky, can you believe it?"

"And then what happened? How did you overcome it, Donnie?"

"I bought my own plane! When you have your own plane, you can control so many things! You know it's safe because it's yours and the people who run it love you and you can trust them. Trust is a big thing, Vlad. Very big thing."

"That is so true, Donnie."

"Don't tell anyone, Vlad, that I had it. I hate it when people think of me weak. You can't look weak these days. Absolutely cannot look weak. They'll eat you up alive."

"I promise I won't, Donnie. But this doesn't really help me. I already have my own plane."

"See?! And one of the most secure planes in the world, I heard. Is it really that safe, Vlad?"

"It's pretty safe, yes."

"So, it's not about the plane then. Are you claustrophobic or have a fear of heights?"

"I flew on a hang glider with the endangered Siberian cranes and dove deep into the sea in a bathyscaphe, so no for both."

"Bati... what?"

"Bathyscaphe, a self-propelled deep sea diving capsule. Have you not heard of them?"

"Ah, like the Titan that blew up? That was horrible, Vlad, so horrible!"

"Exactly, like the Titan, but ours are safer. None of them blew up."

"So, you have nothing to worry about then, Vlad. No fear of heights, no claustrophobia, your plane is safe. What is it about then, really?"

"Can you guarantee, Donnie, that I won't be arrested on the American soil? After all I have the fucking ICC arrest warrant hanging over me."

"Me? Arrest you??? That warrant is a joke, Vlad, and we do not honor ICC. Not honoring that fake court at all. Do you not trust me at all, Vlad? I'm your friend, why would I do that?"

"I don't know, to end the Ukrainian war and to finally get the Nobel Peace prize you are so craving?"

"Oh, you think they'd give me a Nobel for arresting you? I never thought of it that way." [thinking, pause]

"Are you kidding me, Donnie? Are you seriously thinking about it? Maybe I should not go after all..."

"No, no, Vlad, I was thinking about something else. Totally different, Kennedy Center. You are safe with me. You'll be absolutely safe in Anchorage. You have nothing to worry about, I'm so looking forward to seeing you in person after so long!"

"By the way, how did you come up with Alaska, Donnie? When you made that announcement, it kinda caught me by surprise..."

"Oh, you didn't know? It's a beauty, Vlad, really. I told my people to find a safest place for us to meet, and they asked AI, putting in so many different parameters, including your safety. And the AI came up with Anchorage, can you imagine?"

"Really? I didn't know that. What are the parameters, Donnie?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but I remember something about historical ties, Alaska used to be Russian you know, the distance from all current war lines, all sorts of safety issues like proximity of our friend Xi who is definitely interested in protecting us, and many other things as I heard. All sorts of things, Vlad. My people ran it by your people and they thought it was impressive."

"Did they take into account Ukrainian drones?"

"Of course, no drone from Ukraine can fly that far, Vlad."

"You don't know those fucking sneaky Ukrainians, Donnie, their drones are everywhere! It only takes one to hit my plane!" [almost screaming]

"As I said, Vlad, Xi will help to protect that air space for us. You have nothing to worry about."

"What if they find people in Alaska to ship their fucking drones on long-haul trucks to finish us both, Donnie? They've done that in Russia, with my bomber planes! And you can always find a traitor, anywhere, even in Alaska, for good money!"

"I think your imagination is running a little wild, Vlad. Just a little too wild. After all, we are talking about America. I have the best protection in the world, and my secret service is hard at work making sure we are safe. We'll be safe during our meeting, Vlad."

"Are you sure, Donnie? You don't even know how sneaky and inventive those Ukrainians are."

"I'm sure, Vlad. Put your mind to peace and I will see you tomorrow."

"Can you bring Elon with you, Donnie? I would love to finally meet him in person. Besides, his private security service would give me a little more peace of mind as well."

"That I can't do. Still not talking to him. Not talking to that good guy at all. But if you want to invite him, be my guest."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, Vlad, anything to make you feel safer."

"Alright, I'll call him right now then. Bye, Donnie, see you tomorrow."

"Can't wait, Vlad, bye!"