trauma
At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
How my Traumas developed into Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety mixed with Social Anxiety
Due to the amount of traumas I have developed over years of growing up, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety mixed with Social Anxiety, ADHD, also Hypersexuality. My traumas began when I was 11 years old at that age I have watched my own father die in the hospital bed due to his liver no longer functioning, my father liver was no longer in good condition due to drinking alcohol all day and everyday. Eventually a year passed by, I turned 12 years old and my mom drug addiction have worsen, my mom went into rehab. In the meantime my mom was in rehab my sister and I started to live with an aunt of mine. Months later my mom got out rehab it was back in July. Once my mom got home from rehab a brother of mine who spent almost his whole life in jail left to a little market down the street from our house on his motorcycle to buy my mother a soda. After my brother bought my mother her soda he was on his way home, now as my brother was on his way home, he eventually was struct by a truck. My mother, my siblings, and I were waiting for hours for my brother to come home. After hours on waiting for my brother to come home, helicopters started to flash lights at our house and my family and I were confused. An hour later of the helicopters flashing lights at our house we heard a loud long knock on our house door, my mom answered the door and it was a family friend telling my mom that my brother was struct by a truck. My mom, my siblings and I ran to the scene it was right up the street from our house. I remember seeing my brother crying in pain telling my mom he loves her and that his head hurt, everything hurt my brother he was bleeding out. The ambulance came to the scene and took my brother to the emergency room, I was taken to my aunt house. The next day after the incident, I went home all lost and confused not knowing what happened. I remember seeing family members crying giving me a hug saying they are sorry and I was just lost and confused on the situation, I walked to my sister and my sister told me you know our brother died. After my sister told me that my brother died I felt numb and still confused but was hurting. Ever since the death of my father and brother our lives never been the same. My mom drug addiction have worsen, I started drinking and smoking tobacco at age 13. My mom would repeatedly be in and out of rehabs whenever I lived with her she would hurt my sister and I. My mom tried to kill herself one time with my sister and I in the car. I use to be bullied in school I had developed an eating disorder which was me not really eating and skipping out on classes. Once I have turned 16 years old I continued to consume a lot of alcohol, I was failing classes ditching classes, then I started to get into marijuana for a short amount of time. next thing you know it was late at night I left my house to walk to a friend house, as I was walking to my friend house some strange guy in a car started to follow me, I started walking faster and eventually the guy caught up to me and dragged me into his car and I was crying and screaming in fear. The guy started to put pressure on me and ripped my clothes off as I screamed saying please stop! with tears streaming down my face, but sadly the guy did not listen and he raped me and took my virginity something I could never take back. A week later after I was raped I had to walk to school and as soon as I stepped outside my house I had a severe panic attack that I just skipped out on school and stayed home. Days later I went back to school everything seemed normal except I was living in fear and was paranoid. Then one day I started to hangout with a female friend from school, my friend texted a guy friend of ours and we went over to his house and it was him and his uncles and cousins. My guy friend and his family drugged me and my female friend and tried to rape us, thankfully I got away as soon as possible I ran away trying to figure out how to get home I was crying, going to houses begging for help. An hour later my sister picked me up and took me home I was crying and I told my mom and brother that the guy who drugged me up and tried to rape me was my friend uncle and the guy lied to my family saying he does not know anything that he was never his uncle and that I am crazy. Next thing you know my mom asked me the next morning what happened and I told her the same story and I told how a month ago I was raped walking to a friend house at night, my mom started to cry and she told my entire family about it when I did not want anyone to know. Since those incidents I became more depressed and became homeschooled, being homeschooled did not work for me I was becoming very very depressed. So I started to attend to a new school and everything was going good I made new friends I was happy and I was getting some help with a little therapy. But then I started to spend my days at an uncle house after school because my mom would come home late from work, as I was going over to my uncle house for a month, my uncle started to sexually harass me that I cried to my mom about it and ever since I stopped going to his house. I started to hate myself, I would spend days crying saying I hate being a female, I was very depressed. Years passed by same thing with my mom and her drug addiction me doing marijuana and consuming alcohol, my mom would come home with bruises from her ex girlfriend, my mom and her ex girlfriend eventually had sex in the same room I was sleeping in. I started to cut myself and spent days in the restroom crying on the floor attempting to kill myself. when I was 18 to age 19 I lost myself to alcohol and marijuana I was super depressed I would still harm myself. Again years later I am now 20 years old dealing again with my mom and her drug addiction her losing her mind coming home with more bruises, cussing me out. eventually it got to a point my mom hit me and I was again lost on marijuana and alcohol, I would use to sleep with guys to ignore the fact that I was hurting. I went into a homeless shelter because I did not have a place to live, as I was in the homeless shelter again I was raped and I made a report and nothing happened because the police did not believe I was raped because the guy lied to the cops and made some story up and the cops believed this guy story and said he was innocent and let him lose and now I have to live with fear of men hurting me. Then My mom came home one day with her arm cut up from her crazy ex girlfriend, my mom was bleeding out and I was crying because I was scared of losing my mom. Now I no longer live with my mom, I no longer live in California, I now live in Arizona, I sometimes drink here and there, rarely smoke marijuana now, my mom is again in rehab. I now spend days crying, cutting myself, thinking of killing myself, feeling guilt and shame, having nightmares of being raped, rarely eating, having no energy, losing hair, losing jobs, being unable to focus, concentrate, think properly, and could hardly remember stuff, I also forget about stuff quickly and I tend to be very very slow at everything I do, I have a very high sex drive but when I do have sex I tend to go numb and get grossed out but my family does not believe something is wrong with me they think I fake everything just because they never heard me speak up on it or never seen me sad because I am a master at masking my sadness.
By vanessa lopez5 years ago in Psyche
Keep Your Mouth Shut
*Note- Names have been changed to protect the identities of the people involved.* My life started as normal as everyone else. I had an older brother, Trevor, who was born 2 years before me, a father, Damion, one of the strongest men I will ever know, and a mother, Kathy, who will become my best friend as I got older. Being born I do not remember(which in all honesty would be very weird and scary), I do remember trips to the community building in our small town during December to visit Santa and going to the park close to our house to hunt for Easter eggs. The first vivid memory I have was going to the doctor office to get shots. I was so scared, because I didn't know if it was going to hurt or even what to think about the fact that a needle was going to be put into my body not once but Twice! Needless to say, I actually did very well. My mom was with me and I was allowed to sit on her lap. When the needle pierced my skin, it did hurt, I had a few tears come out of my eyes. But, mom said I did so good that I could get something I had been wanting, I could get a pet! That didn't mean just any pet. I was only about 3 or 4 years of age, so a cat or puppy was a little too much work for just me. Mom told me I could get either a fish, hamster or a bird(and any cage or container that I would need to house my new pet). After we got to the pet store, I chose to get a bird. She was so beautiful! She was a small parakeet with green, yellow, a patch of blue on her chest and just a little red on her head. I named her Ariel after my favorite movie at the time "The Little Mermaid". She started with her wings clipped, but as the grew she was able to fly! My parents allowed her to fly until the day she died. Ariel would fly around the room and land on me, but never made messes in the house. She was a smart bird and one of the best memories I have of when my mom and dad were still together.
By Asina Michelle5 years ago in Psyche
No one’s Somewhere
So just as my fiancé and I began to move into our new home together, excited for all the new memories we plan to create and stories to tell our friends, the unimaginable happened. I arrived at his cozy little bachelor pad, less than thrilled to help him pack up his belongings into boxes. I never bothered to obtain a house key; we were always together anyways, it was never a necessity. A mind numbing feeling fell over me as I heard the complete silence and saw no sign of life from within. I knocked. No answer. My heart sank into my stomach and I walked around the building to the back door, still nothing but silence. I climbed through the only window I could reach, knowing that it wouldn’t be locked by the overall demeanor of the building. I barely managed to get myself up on the ledge and through the window when the smell hit me. That smell you get when you return home from a long trip and realize you left a carton of milk in the fridge with some questionable looking parcels of food you can only assume were fruits or vegetables at some point. It hit me. Pure panic. I ran into the kitchen; that’s where he spent most of his time just pacing back and forth on the phone. Not today though, today it was nothing but my heavy breaths and heart beating so loud I thought my ear drums would bust from the sound of it. Just as I ran around the corner, I was stopped dead in my tracks. BAM! I didn’t even have time to fully hit the ground before I heard the blood curdling scream come from deep within , and no sooner had I fallen to the ground I was back outside screaming for anyone to help. How could this happen!?!? He was hanging in the kitchen just above my line of vision. Just like that, my entire fairytale was over before it ever got to truly began.
By Kara Lynch5 years ago in Psyche
ABUSE
Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other types of aggression.
By CARTIER JAY5 years ago in Psyche
My Abused Childhood
I remember the beginning like it was yesterday. I was a child of divorce and we moved around a lot for my mother to find a good place for us to live. However, when I was a little girl, I did not know the truly terrifying nature my mother possessed. I learned the beginning of it when I was five years old. We were living in Hawaii and staying with a nice family that treated us like family. Even though I was a child, to be honest, I was also a brat that would cause my mother trouble and it would stress her out so much that her anger got the better of her till her parenting skills no longer became parenting skills.
By Sarah LaChance5 years ago in Psyche
A Beautiful Day
It was a beautiful autumn day. The leaves were still clinging to the trees, the colors blazing in reds, purples, and oranges. The sun was shining and the clouds were feather-like and wispy. Neighbors were walking their dogs in light sweaters and cardigans, comfortable in the sixty-six-degree weather. The windows were open, the wind carrying the laughter of the children a few houses down as they chased each other around the trees.
By Maggie Justice5 years ago in Psyche
LOVE IS NOT ABUSE
More than 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year, including both men and women. Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million people. One-third of women and one-fourth of men will have experienced some sort of interpersonal violence, and for one-fourth of women and one-seventh of men, it's severe. What is less talked about, though serious, is emotional abuse that ranges from withholding to controlling, and includes manipulation and verbal abuse. The number of people affected is astronomical. Emotional abuse is insidious and slowly eats away at your confidence and self-esteem. The effects are long term, and can take even longer to recover from than blatant violence. We hear from many people who are in abusive relationships, and even those who have left relationships, but say that they love their abusive partner. They wonder, “Why do I love someone who has hurt me so much?” It can feel strange, confusing and even wrong to love someone who has chosen to be abusive. While these feelings can be difficult to understand, they aren’t strange and they aren’t wrong. Love isn’t something that just disappears overnight. It’s a connection and emotional attachment that you create with another person. Love comes with a lot of investment of time, energy and trust. It’s not easy to just let go of a life you’ve built with someone, whether they’re abusive toward you or not. What starts off as well intentioned forgiveness turns into forfeiting your life for someone who is never going to be capable of being a truly healthy partner. Controlling, abusive partners need help. You are worth more in this life than waiting for their sickness to get better. You are worth a partner that respects you exactly as you are. You are worthy of a partner that does not control you or force you to hide parts of who you are. What if you even had a partner that was there to be a catalyst – even to your own personal growth in a healthy way? Imagine how far you could go in your life by shedding what is dragging you down. The longer you stay, the more difficult you will find the truth something you believe. Experiencing abuse will eventually rob you of your self-worth. Being the victim in these relationships can cause you to think, “If only I had dressed better, or cleaned the house better, or been more affectionate… then maybe the fight wouldn’t have started.”
By Alexis Sharde5 years ago in Psyche
April 18th
"Wait, Cat. Just wait one more minute." I thought to myself as I sat at the foot of the bed trying desperately to control my shaking for fear that I might wake him up and ruin my escape plan. I had already got my bag ready the last time he passed out and set it right next to the door with my sandals. I was even able to get my pants on the last time, but that's when he woke up again.
By Cat Brooks5 years ago in Psyche
