My Abused Childhood

I remember the beginning like it was yesterday. I was a child of divorce and we moved around a lot for my mother to find a good place for us to live. However, when I was a little girl, I did not know the truly terrifying nature my mother possessed. I learned the beginning of it when I was five years old. We were living in Hawaii and staying with a nice family that treated us like family. Even though I was a child, to be honest, I was also a brat that would cause my mother trouble and it would stress her out so much that her anger got the better of her till her parenting skills no longer became parenting skills.

One day my mother had enough and those skills changed on that fateful day. Children would sometimes take showers with their parents if they were the same gender. I would take showers with my mother so she would make sure I would clean myself properly as a child. When I was five, my mother and I were taking a shower. My mother was mad at me because I was giving her trouble that day and it pissed her off. During the shower, my mother finished cleaning herself and accidentally knocked a bar of soap on the floor of the tub. My mother knew it was on the floor and had every chance of telling me that it was there, but she didn't. Instead long after she left the shower and I was there alone, I eventually slipped on it and fell.

I remember all the blood pouring out of me and into the drain. I remember how much it hurt and how much I was crying in that shower, hoping for my mother to hear me. I knew she heard me because the bathroom door was open and her bedroom door was open as well. I don't know how long I was there on the floor till someone from the family we were staying with helped me. That was the day my mother deep down stopped caring about me and turned towards abusing me in my childhood.

The abuse continued over the years. As I got older, the more creative the abuse got and the more scared I was of her. The more scared I got, the less likely I was able to tell an adult and have it change my life for the better.

However, during my 1st grade and 2nd-grade years, the abuse paused a bit because my mother had me in daycare and I was someone else's problem, but there I was well behaved the best I could be because I was surrounded by other children my age.

However, it resumed in the 3rd grade and it got creative. My mother would beat me and make fun of me when I was crying. It was not a pretty sight having me in the living room (that was where my bedroom was because we lived in a one-bedroom apartment) curled up in a ball and crying so hard I was dehydrated for a few hours. The most memorable abusive moment in the 3rd grade was the day my mother gave me a haircut as a punishment for my behavior. People can get bad haircuts a lot but they had a chance to hide it and wait for their hair to grow out to get another haircut to make it better. I did not have that chance. I had long beautiful hair, but that all got cut the day my mother had enough. She grabbed my hair as tight as she could despite how much I struggled. Then all of a sudden, SNIP! She kept cutting till she got to my scalp. "This is your punishment." I cried so much that I was so embarrassed. My mother forced me to go to school the next day. That was a mistake.

I wore a beanie to school to hide the haircut. My teacher did not like that. She kept telling me in front of the class to take it off and each time I refused. She took me to the back of the classroom to talk to me. She asked me why and I told her that my mother abused me and cut my hair. I showed my teacher the haircut and she was speechless. Unfortunately, she couldn't sympathize with my cause well enough to let me keep the beanie on. I had no choice but to sit in the classroom with that haircut. Everyone would keep staring and making fun of me. I ended up getting bullied by fellow classmates. When I went home that day, I told my mother that I was getting bullied because of my haircut. She told me that being bullied was my fault because my behavior led to the haircut which led to being bullied.

My mother's response made me not want to go to school anymore. But since my mother was forcing me to, I had to skip school by going to the neighborhood park till school was over, to spend the time. But I got tired of the park and its sandbox. When I went back to my apartment complex, I noticed that a friend of mine was not in school as well. His mother invited me to hang out with them. We went to another park and had a good time. At that park, her son and I were on the playground. Because it was hot that day, I took off my beanie for a minute to wipe off the sweat on my head. My friend's mother saw my head and wanted a closer look. When I showed her my haircut and she said she could see parts of my scalp, I could see the shock on her face especially when I told her that my mother was the one who gave me the haircut as a punishment. Later we went to her apartment and her son and I hung out and played video games.

I knew it was a mistake to hang out with them for the day when my friend's mother told me that someone was waiting for me outside. It was my mother and my school's vice principal. My friend's mother called the school and reported on me. The school then called my mother and informed me of the situation. My mother was steaming mad because I was not at school and she had to leave work early. My mother apologized to the vice-principal and promised her that I would be at school the next day. She took me home to beat me in private because I embarrassed her in the public.

That was the beginning of a long and cruel list of abusive tactics my mother used in her way to discipline me. It wasn't the right way. In my opinion, it is ok to discipline your child. It is ok to spank them when they are naughty at a young age. It is NOT ok to abuse them in the ways I was abused.

To Be Continued: