trauma
At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
Modern Confusion
Trigger Warnings: Emotional Abuse, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assault, Depression and Suicide Disclaimer: This is my real life story and experience that has shaped my opinions on the world around me, so I feel entitled to do so. None of my imagery will be graphic as it is likely even more difficult for me to recall than it would be for you to read. If this were a movie, I'd give it a PG-13 rating; however, I know a lot of people with similar life experiences could be thrown back into the vivid emotions and memories of those experiences by reading the following. As such, I recommend that you exercise the level of caution you feel appropriate for the point you are in your life right now. The few names used are shortened to initials to protect the privacy of those involved on both sides.
By Cici Woods5 years ago in Psyche
My 2021 Year Resolution
I've for a long time of my life, allowed my self conscience and loyalty over-whelm me so an extent that is a lot of times dangerous to my own health, or life completely. This is going to be a story and or short paper that will somewhat shock you or maybe even upset you also make you cry. Maybe, I don't know. I just know that my life has been a lot of things that it shouldn't have been. I have allowed myself to stay in a terrible, unhealthy, and dangerous marriage. I allowed it by letting my conscious and loyalty control me instead of what was happening to me. So it started as my husband painted a picture of someone that he wasn't. As in kind, caring, loving, generous, family and father type. I believed it. Apparently too soon. I should have waited and should have not allowed him to convince me of doing drugs with him. YES!!! DRUGS!!! I allowed him to completely control me. I did drugs with a man I didn't really know, All because I believed this total image of him that I did not give time to learn for myself. Oh and did I forget to mention that I had two kids of my own. Without fathers. So I have given into this man to the point that he has convinced me that I could do these drugs and actually do better in my life. I did not think for long enough to realize that he had just begun reeling me in as I had just begun allowing my loyalty, self-conscience, and his possessive habits to control me. Within a few weeks. I was in hell. Yes!! Hell!! I can not begin to express what I was feeling and you actually know what I was truly feeling. This year is different for me. This year I will not allow anyone and I mean anyone control me the way that this man did. I was married within 6 months. I was starving for food within 2 years. I was cheated on, spit on, abused, violently and physically. I have been through so much. I can't believe that my daughter actually witnessed some of it. I can't believe that I actually stooped that low to let him. I will not ever do that this year. I will not ever from this year forward be the woman that ever feels I need a man to the point of letting my soul be taken away. I am a mother, a woman of God, a strong and passionate human being. When it comes to loyalty and what is important in my life I have finally began to put my God, my kids, and most importantly myself first. I can finally focus on my spirit, my soul, my career, and my children. I do feel like I am someone now. I feel like I can overcome who I was before. The person that let a man that was not truly a real man, that his soul was still a dumb boy, control me over my loyalty in the wrong person. It is over. I am a strong woman this year and I will continue being that. For putting me and my kids first and foremost God first. By letting go of a drug habit that also my husband had attached me to. Yes! I let it all go. I am me now. I am myself beginning this year. I have began a new me and a new life. 2021, here I come. Not just becoming stronger but by having more faith in God and not allowing myself to get wrapped up in this world and the people in it. What it has come to is insane. I will not allow myself to become what this world has become. Which I believe starts with standing up for yourself and not trying to just please everyone around you. Not trying to seek satisfaction in others. Otherwise just be you, be satisfied with being proud of yourself not just being satisfied with what others think of you. Be Yourself and Be Strong!! Be innovative and Be optimistic!! Be a leader and Be a Starter!! Be loyal to yourself!! Thats what I'm doing starting this year!!
By Samantha Rena5 years ago in Psyche
Small Acts of Kindness
My life has been an interesting one. I was the born the illegitimate child of a mentally ill mother and a Middle Eastern father who, for reasons unknown to me, has never been a part of my life. I entered this world a burden on my family and on society. I will tell you that I don’t believe the disfunction began with me. I believe it takes generations of trauma to bring about the kind of disfunction seen within my family and others like us. I think each generation does their best given their individual circumstances but, over time, all the little mistakes they make only get amplified with the next generation and so on. So, to look at my side of the family which includes just myself, my mother, and my grandparents as I had no siblings that I’m aware of, it may have started with my maternal grandmother consuming alcohol during her pregnancy with my mother.
By Diseree Lee Zacher5 years ago in Psyche
Why didn't I wait?
"I'll come back", I grinned, lying through my stained teeth, hand on my brother's small shoulder. I knew far too well that I was never setting foot in his house again. What we had all gone through that night was frankly the last straw, I hid finally broken into a million jagged pieces. I would not live through another god knows what with my step "father" if you could call him that, I didn't.
By L.D. Malachite 5 years ago in Psyche
Did my boyfriend kill himself on purpose or was it an overdose?
It's hard to talk about. But he may have swallowed something right before my very eyes that made him vomit his bottle of water. In retrospect I came out as a therapist defending our sex life even though my apartment water wasn't running correctly, reported to City of Toronto and I was feeling sick. especially at that point two days later when he was still sick from the ight he had visited my apartment and died two days later in the ambulance says his Baby's Mom who lives across the street from Tony and beside Tony's family.
By Heather Cunningham5 years ago in Psyche
Making My Scars Beautiful
2021 is a new year has had admittedly a rough start, but after the horror show that was 2020, I think we are all ready to make the best of it. Like every year I have my vanity-health resolutions, that are good for me but are partly because of the raging insecurities I can't shake no matter how much I know I shouldn't let society define me. This year I still want to lose 70 lbs and exercise more regularly, but for 2021 that isn't enough.
By Cici Woods5 years ago in Psyche
My Life Isn't a Story Book?
I spent the first half of my life entranced with the idea that my life was simply a book, my psychiatrist later told me it was a "trauma response." I narrated each move made, each emotion felt to the most minute of detail. People would assume I had ADHD, when in reality I was just mulling over the overwhelming wall of text that had become my life. I was 23 when my psychiatrist told me, while I sat sequestered in my room at the mental hospital, about the book theory.
By L.D. Malachite 5 years ago in Psyche
Why does my shadow keep following me?
Why does my shadow keep following me? No matter where I go, it's always by my side. It was fun as a child, having my shadow there so I didn't feel so alone, but as an adult, my shadow appeared to be much more difficult to "have around".
By Anastasia M. Lindsey5 years ago in Psyche
The Cycle
Ever since I was little, I've been chasing the wrong things. The wrong dreams and goals. Never having any real direction or idea of what I really wanted from life. The last ten to fifteen years, I think I've just been on autopilot, not really going with the flow, but not really going my own way either. I've been lost and out of my mind with depression and anxiety so long, I don't know who I am outside of that. What do I really want? From myself and my life. Do I want to continue the way that I am, not really living?
By Tabitha White5 years ago in Psyche
My memories as a kidnap victim
I spent the majority of my childhood through young adulthood looking over my shoulders in paranoia. I spent most of my youth fearful that I would be kidnapped again. My worst fear was that barbaric thought experiment that my bio mom's husband attempted on me. I remember the fear and hatred I felt as being whisked away from my dad, who loved me, and did his best to protect me.
By L.D. Malachite 5 years ago in Psyche
