My 2021 Year Resolution

I've for a long time of my life, allowed my self conscience and loyalty over-whelm me so an extent that is a lot of times dangerous to my own health, or life completely. This is going to be a story and or short paper that will somewhat shock you or maybe even upset you also make you cry. Maybe, I don't know. I just know that my life has been a lot of things that it shouldn't have been. I have allowed myself to stay in a terrible, unhealthy, and dangerous marriage. I allowed it by letting my conscious and loyalty control me instead of what was happening to me. So it started as my husband painted a picture of someone that he wasn't. As in kind, caring, loving, generous, family and father type. I believed it. Apparently too soon. I should have waited and should have not allowed him to convince me of doing drugs with him. YES!!! DRUGS!!! I allowed him to completely control me. I did drugs with a man I didn't really know, All because I believed this total image of him that I did not give time to learn for myself. Oh and did I forget to mention that I had two kids of my own. Without fathers. So I have given into this man to the point that he has convinced me that I could do these drugs and actually do better in my life. I did not think for long enough to realize that he had just begun reeling me in as I had just begun allowing my loyalty, self-conscience, and his possessive habits to control me. Within a few weeks. I was in hell. Yes!! Hell!! I can not begin to express what I was feeling and you actually know what I was truly feeling. This year is different for me. This year I will not allow anyone and I mean anyone control me the way that this man did. I was married within 6 months. I was starving for food within 2 years. I was cheated on, spit on, abused, violently and physically. I have been through so much. I can't believe that my daughter actually witnessed some of it. I can't believe that I actually stooped that low to let him. I will not ever do that this year. I will not ever from this year forward be the woman that ever feels I need a man to the point of letting my soul be taken away. I am a mother, a woman of God, a strong and passionate human being. When it comes to loyalty and what is important in my life I have finally began to put my God, my kids, and most importantly myself first. I can finally focus on my spirit, my soul, my career, and my children. I do feel like I am someone now. I feel like I can overcome who I was before. The person that let a man that was not truly a real man, that his soul was still a dumb boy, control me over my loyalty in the wrong person. It is over. I am a strong woman this year and I will continue being that. For putting me and my kids first and foremost God first. By letting go of a drug habit that also my husband had attached me to. Yes! I let it all go. I am me now. I am myself beginning this year. I have began a new me and a new life. 2021, here I come. Not just becoming stronger but by having more faith in God and not allowing myself to get wrapped up in this world and the people in it. What it has come to is insane. I will not allow myself to become what this world has become. Which I believe starts with standing up for yourself and not trying to just please everyone around you. Not trying to seek satisfaction in others. Otherwise just be you, be satisfied with being proud of yourself not just being satisfied with what others think of you. Be Yourself and Be Strong!! Be innovative and Be optimistic!! Be a leader and Be a Starter!! Be loyal to yourself!! Thats what I'm doing starting this year!!