Why does my shadow keep following me?

Why does my shadow keep following me? No matter where I go, it's always by my side. It was fun as a child, having my shadow there so I didn't feel so alone, but as an adult, my shadow appeared to be much more difficult to "have around".

Have you heard of the term "Shadow Self"? It's the part of you that you repress, shove down, forget about, and ignore. The part of you that you grew up thinking was BAD. Some say it's ugly, and I agree, the thoughts are, but not the shadow - for it is a part of you.

For years, I have pushed my shadow away. I made it feel unloved and abandoned. I didn't want to open the door to any repressed emotions.. I mean, they were shoved down for a reason right?

But that perspective lead to a destructive lifestyle.

Growing up, I went to a private school and besides my brother, I was the only one who looked like, ME. I had tan skin, brown eyes, and dark hair. Those around me had blue/green eyes, light skin, and blonde hair, or it was light and because of that I grew up thinking that I was not pretty. Boys never asked me on dates, I wasn't the first chosen to for grade school dances, I wasn't ever on the list as the "prettiest girls in the class". I created this belief for myself that unless I had blonde hair and blue eyes, I was not pretty. Nor, would I ever be.

Years of thinking those thoughts, created what we call today, our shadow. It followed me everywhere. I always carried that thought with me, that I was not pretty. For years, this part of my shadow lingered behind me, dragging it's feet and bringing me down. I would ignore it, forget it, and cast so much darkness on it, but it would not leave!

2 going on 3 years now, I experienced by AWAKENING, where I first learned about "loving your shadow". WHAT?! I'm supposed to love the part of me that says I'm not pretty? Wrong, I'm supposed to love the part of me that BEGS for love. I took grasp of what light I could find, told my shadow that I loved her, and began to scratch the surface on 'why my shadow kept following me'. She needed love more than anything, and I was depriving her of that. I told my shadow that she was welcome to walk beside me, that she was safe, and heard - that I was listening.

Just because the belief I created for myself as a child was something made up and not useful, that burden was placed on my shadow to carry all those years. Begged for my attention, to let that thought go, to let the energy of bad thoughts flow elsewhere and I ignored her because I was scared of what she might have wanted to say, so I silenced her. When I made my shadow feel welcome, I felt lighter.

Now, my shadow stills follows me, and honestly, always will. But it's years of other thoughts and beliefs that I and others created. She is full of negative emotions like greed, rage, sadness, selfishness, and many more. Whatever I believed to be evil, bad, and unacceptable, was thrown onto her. It will be a life long journey to work through, but at least I know how to care for her. And now I am creating a life full of authenticity, creativity, and love.

Anastasia M. Lindsey

@anamariepoetry