Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Depression; Do Not Suffer In Silence.
I am not a sufferer of depression by any means, I am naturally a very jolly, upbeat person. However I have experienced depression in my life, really badly, four times now. I have recently just come out of the other side of a really bad spell of depression, luckily this time it only lasted a few days. So with all of my last depression experiences in my mind, I want to offer you all the best advice which I can offer if you are currently suffering, because depression is such an awful place to be. So if you are currently suffering I really feel for you and I send you all my love.
By Hayley Dodwell5 years ago in Psyche
She
Not judging a book by its cover, as we are often told is an arduous act as one’s facade can be highly pristine, making transparency through correspondence unattainable. If you looked at this woman who graces you with a smile and the most delightful personality, you wouldn’t see the struggle, grief, and pain that lay beyond her eyes. Some people never escape a life of dismay. They become numb to their perils and accept the hand dealt to them. And some make it through the horror, become more robust, and leave the life of treachery behind them. She was a beautiful rose that grew through the strongest of concrete.
By Diana Doubrava5 years ago in Psyche
In the beginning....
Bullying is a very real thing. It is a very dangerous, cruel thing to do to someone; especially at a young age. I was destined to be a little different. I am constantly finding myself being referred to as an old soul. I fully believe this to be the truth. I am an old soul. I have been here before. I have been conditioned to a world of fears and dreams, and the most bewildering thing I have discovered so far is this:
By PhidJitt Schmidt5 years ago in Psyche
The Start of an Emotional Journey
I was just a regular girl, debating on what I was going to do with my life. I sat there in class, at First Choice Academy, where I was currently taking my CNA (certified nurses aid) classes. My instructor was very nice and was a nurse, on top of being a teacher! He was really understanding, a great listener and tried to give the best advice without sounding rude but also being 100% honest. I immediately felt like I could trust him. As we are going over our textbook, we were on the topic of depression, anxiety- mental health in general. I remember our discussion of it not being a “normal behavior.” After reading that and hearing it, it just made me feel not normal. I feel these feelings all the time, thinking it’s a normal thing to experience. It is a common diagnosis but it’s not “normal.” One day I showed up to class.. late, which isn’t like me. I’m always on time, if not early! I had gotten into an argument with my boyfriend beforehand and it made an impact on my mood that day. My bad day was written all over my face, according to the teacher and asked me what was wrong. It was hard to talk about. It was a very sensitive subject. I was being abused by my boyfriend, who almost didn’t let me take these classes in the first place. I told my instructor I was fine. I was just having a bummy day. He knew I was lying. He knew something else was wrong. I got home that same night, my classes were from 430 to 930. My boyfriend and I got into another argument. I ended up texting Marc, my instructor and asking him a question that we learned in class earlier that week. I already knew the answer. I just wanted to hint that I was in desperate need of help without actually saying the words “I need help.” “Is depression normal?” was my question. Then he really knew something was up. I was depressed, anxious, scared, ashamed. I was feeling so many emotions I didn’t know how to handle them all at once. I was in such a toxic and abusive relationship. I was always being choked, hit and called horrible names. I was a punching bag for this man that I really loved and who claimed to love me back. But how do you hurt the one you supposedly love? I was raped multiple times but was told it was “okay because we were in a serious relationship.” I was 19, young and dumb and always blame myself for what happened. Anyways, during this time of CNA classes and finally opening up about being in an abusive relationship. I developed an old habit that got out of hand again. I was self harming. My depression was to the point where I hit rock bottom. I didn’t want to live anymore. I wanted out of that relationship. I was just too scared to leave. What would happen if I tried? I had no one else to turn to. I remember telling my boyfriend one day in front of a group of people that I was done and didn’t want to be with him anymore. I did this on purpose so I had witnesses and didn’t feel as scared because I didn’t think he would hurt me in front of them. It took me a while to find a place to stay so I slept in my car and found places to park overnight. My best friend talked to her family about letting me stay there for a while after explaining some of the stuff I had been through recently. That night was a bad night. I was an emotional wreck. I didn’t understand what was going on. I honestly thought I was dreaming because I was finally able to get out. It didn’t seem real. Unfortunately, that’s when the self harm got worse. I went into my friend's bathroom and opened my new knife I had bought because my older ones weren’t as sharp and weren't leaving me satisfied enough. I sliced my arm three times, and on the last time I saw my skin literally cut.. like butter. There was blood everywhere. My arm was exposed through so many layers of skin. I could even see the fatty tissue, which is what the doctor told me the yellow, tendon looking string looked like. I was too afraid to go to the hospital because I didn’t want to be sectioned and knew that I needed stitches. I didn’t tell anyone until one day I felt brave enough to message Marc and tell him I had a problem. I opened up to him about my self harm and cutting, my emotions and being raped and beaten on a daily basis. He knew something serious was going on after I started talking to him, especially being on a day we didn’t have class. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I knew I cut too deep but I didn’t know what to do and that I was scared to go to the hospital. I took a picture and sent it to him. He told me I needed to go to the hospital because it was too deep, black and definitely had an infection going on. I bravely went to the hospital after texting Marc but he reassured me everything was going to be okay. I got to the hospital. I was sobbing for hours and so vulnerable at the time. I didn’t tell anyone I was at the hospital. The only person who knew was Marc. The doctor came in, looked at my arm and had asked me how long it had been before making the decision to go to the E.R. I waited two days, which was two days too late to get stitches, without them having to re-cut my arm back open and stitch it shut. I declined and just got it scrubbed clean and bandaged. I was asked all the basic questions, like if I felt suicidal or if I was going to go back home and keep hurting myself. I couldn’t answer these questions because as they were being asked the only response I had was tears. I couldn’t face reality at this point. I willingly took some medications to help calm me down and sedate me and then stayed at the hospital overnight. But this was just the beginning.
By Valarie Marsh5 years ago in Psyche
Better Off Without Them
My set of parents were born in the "Boomer" era, or so it's coined. The discussion around mental health in my house was infrequent and poorly sourced. The irony was that, not only did both of my parents have their own mental health issues, they also had personality disorders... neither of which were acknowledged. That's a story for another time.
By Felicia P.5 years ago in Psyche
Cha Cha Changes
I have decided that I am a mess. It took me a while to realize this. I have been given a lot of labels throughout my life but I think this one fits pretty well. I have a complicated past and an uncertain future. I realize this could be anybody, but I can only account for MY MESS. Maybe you want to hear about it although most people don’t. It’s pretty cringy. It’s extremely messy. I have recently understood that good and bad are relative terms. You may think I’m good, you may think I’m bad, I think I’m definitely both, but I am the only ME that I can be. Let me introduce myself.
By OneMooreCrystal5 years ago in Psyche
Compassionate warriors
The Dalai Lama has been leading in knowledge of sciences along with Buddhist practices. He says “Compassion is the radicalism of our time” radicalism is able to create changes in the world. You wouldn’t really think compassion could really be used in the same sentence but when you actually think about it and meditate on it Compassion actually IS able to accomplish RADICAL CHANGES in the world, I will explain why.
By Alexis Osborne5 years ago in Psyche
