Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
The Mind of a Depressed Soul
Depression isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy. I get so frustrated with myself at times for my lack of understanding of what is going on inside my OWN head, and I imagine I am not alone in those frustrations. However, as I was deep in thought earlier, trying to comprehend this latest tormenting depression spell, I was hit with a new perspective. It was like my “aha” moment. I am finally beginning to see a very important aspect of understanding myself and my life, which oddly enough, is that understanding this also encompasses an understanding that NOT understanding is okay.
By Annie Mae Edwards5 years ago in Psyche
I AM A DIAMOND UNIQUELY MADE
There is no way of knowing how your life will turn out to be. You just have to live it and hope that your life has meaning and help people along the way. I have always thought of myself as my mother's clone, because of the similar events that happened in our lives made me just love on her even more. See my my mom was one of the strongest women I have ever met. Then at the same time she was also a weak woman who at times let the struggles of life get to her as well.
By VICTORIA JACKSON-MOREHEAD5 years ago in Psyche
Benzo withdrawal
It began with running low on a prescription and turned into a nightmare. So where do we begin? Well let's start with having your primary care physician manage some serious psychiatric medications. Bad idea, and something I wish I would've known sooner because it could've prevented this whole disaster. So what is this disaster you speak of? The disaster was running out of benzodiazepines to find out that my primary care physician could not prescribe them. At first, I thought nothing of it. I'll figure it out, but I wasn't able to. Now I'm without this medication and my body has grown dependent on it. I'm starting to experience a nightmare of symptoms. I'm at work and I can't sit still. Not just a normal anxious feeling either. I can feel this in my head, like this terrible gnawing feeling of I have to move.
By Cameron Bremner5 years ago in Psyche
ADHD Brain
So recently I was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar type 1. So before all the medication I was all over the place, could never see things through. I would get overwhelmed and just quit. Bite off more than I could chew. A real people pleaser too. Always so polite. But I use to treat all of my illnesses myself with various medications that were prescribe but I went too far with. Vicodin then Xanax, the devils drugs. These drugs still try to ruin my life but I refuse to turn back to a substance like that to cope. I have anxiety, mania, depression, you name it. But those two are trouble. I have so many fires that I started long ago. They are still being put out one by one to this day. And it's not like I am a bum either. I work my ass off to have everything I have now. I built this. This is my kingdom now and I just want to enjoy it. So I listened to the psychiatrist and went on all these medications and now my hair will not stop falling out. One doctor said this way normal. So I keep working and crafting to cope now. I paint to leave reality sometimes, it's nice. As I see and have felt the chaos that an addiction brings I am very headstrong I want answers and I want things to feel better inside my head. It's like I'm going 500 Mph constantly my brain will not stop. I think of all this stuff at once and I cannot make sense of it. I'm trying to finish school for cyber security and I'm ready to join the real world now and earn my spot but nothing ever and I mean ever works out for me like that. I'm still cutting hair for crap pay most of the time doing all this side work just to earn a dollar. I'm determined but no direction to follow. You just hope everyday gets a little better or you find a job who doesn't care about your background when you were a totally different creature, not even a person. Now I'm looking at $1000 at least to get whatever off my record, then try to finish school in a year, find a job in a totally new career field where you don't know anyone and you're a woman. This my friend is what really sucks. There are barely and woman in cyber security related job. My passion is forensics but to be a scientist is very complex and super expensive so I found digital forensics. I like to go through people's stuff and learn about them and dig around if I can. I did it in school and I could sit in that class all day and just dig around for evidence. I feel like I would be a good fit but I need to be trained well at school and so far that road has been rough. I have learned from great teachers there but my programming class was a joke. That seems to be something I need in this field so I wanted to learn but the teacher knew nothing. Our other teacher bailed at the last minute so she took it over just so we could get the credit but why? I fail miserably because she could not help me. I was working a ton at the time too and was an assistant manager at a salon so my illness kicked in and thought I could handle it all and failed that class in school like an idiot. Now I owe the school $350 just to go back this January so I'm trying to have christmas and pay all of this stuff off. How is anyone ever going to get ahead in life and not be stressed out? I'm literally doing everything I can to make sure I can survive and it is hard. Life is so expensive and having a mental illness on top of that is torture. I'm trying to find the right medication combo still but I won't stop trying until I get this right. I realized what's important to me. My daughter keeps me going. This is my ADHD brain as I like to call it. Everything hits me at once, but constantly. Like make something of yourself, graduate school. I actually made the Dean's List too. I was killing it there for a while in school but I did not have a job the first year so that always helps. Working and going to school is the hardest thing I have ever done, especially with a toddler. So now to figure this all out while working full-time, crafting or painting for money, doing this thing on vocal, looking for jobs to do from home incase my child has to do e-learning, and seeing my doctors regularly. It's like I'm going through a maze blind, running into everything. I guess it's time to really figure this all out and start making things happen. You just hope and pray you take the right paths..
By Danielle Solo5 years ago in Psyche
Let Music Be Your Jumper Cables
So if you, like me, have a host of mental health issues, you already know what “rock bottom” means. For some background, my brain is riddled with clinical depression, anxiety, major panic disorder, as well as autism (Asperger’s), and ADD. Nightmares are a nightly occurrence and I get regular panic attacks. I am a mess of unbalanced mental chemistry. I also work multiple jobs and am in the process of returning to school (which, let’s be honest, is almost more stressful than actually being IN school). I’m certain most of you have something similar going on in your own lives.
By Caroline Drury5 years ago in Psyche
Me, Myself and Depression
Depression for me was a scary thing to deal with. When I first started showing symptoms of depression I didn't have a clue of what was going on, I just knew something wasn't right with me. My passion for the thing I loved and wanted to accomplish in life started to decline, I consistently dealt with mood swings, My appetite grew bigger and I became very isolated. During these episodes, I would become very mean to the people I love. It wasn't until years later that I found out that what I was dealing with was depression. I didn't talk to my family about it because I thought they wouldn't believe me. Many people who have friends/family members who deal with depression believe that it's in their head and/or seeking attention. This is not true, to help people better understand this disease we must ask why what, and how? Why does depression impact people? What is depression? and How to treat depression? Understanding these questions can help people who deal with depression to overcome depression.
By Toccara Clarke 5 years ago in Psyche
The Bucket & The Crumbs
In the words of my best friend Kasia - ‘Love is the drug’ I’m addicted to his crumbs. Every tiny crumb of connection he sends my way, be it a text, a voice message, a photo. Every single gesture that he is thinking about me becomes my hit, my supply of endorphins.
By Amy Louise Fox5 years ago in Psyche
