So recently I was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar type 1. So before all the medication I was all over the place, could never see things through. I would get overwhelmed and just quit. Bite off more than I could chew. A real people pleaser too. Always so polite. But I use to treat all of my illnesses myself with various medications that were prescribe but I went too far with. Vicodin then Xanax, the devils drugs. These drugs still try to ruin my life but I refuse to turn back to a substance like that to cope. I have anxiety, mania, depression, you name it. But those two are trouble. I have so many fires that I started long ago. They are still being put out one by one to this day. And it's not like I am a bum either. I work my ass off to have everything I have now. I built this. This is my kingdom now and I just want to enjoy it. So I listened to the psychiatrist and went on all these medications and now my hair will not stop falling out. One doctor said this way normal. So I keep working and crafting to cope now. I paint to leave reality sometimes, it's nice. As I see and have felt the chaos that an addiction brings I am very headstrong I want answers and I want things to feel better inside my head. It's like I'm going 500 Mph constantly my brain will not stop. I think of all this stuff at once and I cannot make sense of it. I'm trying to finish school for cyber security and I'm ready to join the real world now and earn my spot but nothing ever and I mean ever works out for me like that. I'm still cutting hair for crap pay most of the time doing all this side work just to earn a dollar. I'm determined but no direction to follow. You just hope everyday gets a little better or you find a job who doesn't care about your background when you were a totally different creature, not even a person. Now I'm looking at $1000 at least to get whatever off my record, then try to finish school in a year, find a job in a totally new career field where you don't know anyone and you're a woman. This my friend is what really sucks. There are barely and woman in cyber security related job. My passion is forensics but to be a scientist is very complex and super expensive so I found digital forensics. I like to go through people's stuff and learn about them and dig around if I can. I did it in school and I could sit in that class all day and just dig around for evidence. I feel like I would be a good fit but I need to be trained well at school and so far that road has been rough. I have learned from great teachers there but my programming class was a joke. That seems to be something I need in this field so I wanted to learn but the teacher knew nothing. Our other teacher bailed at the last minute so she took it over just so we could get the credit but why? I fail miserably because she could not help me. I was working a ton at the time too and was an assistant manager at a salon so my illness kicked in and thought I could handle it all and failed that class in school like an idiot. Now I owe the school $350 just to go back this January so I'm trying to have christmas and pay all of this stuff off. How is anyone ever going to get ahead in life and not be stressed out? I'm literally doing everything I can to make sure I can survive and it is hard. Life is so expensive and having a mental illness on top of that is torture. I'm trying to find the right medication combo still but I won't stop trying until I get this right. I realized what's important to me. My daughter keeps me going. This is my ADHD brain as I like to call it. Everything hits me at once, but constantly. Like make something of yourself, graduate school. I actually made the Dean's List too. I was killing it there for a while in school but I did not have a job the first year so that always helps. Working and going to school is the hardest thing I have ever done, especially with a toddler. So now to figure this all out while working full-time, crafting or painting for money, doing this thing on vocal, looking for jobs to do from home incase my child has to do e-learning, and seeing my doctors regularly. It's like I'm going through a maze blind, running into everything. I guess it's time to really figure this all out and start making things happen. You just hope and pray you take the right paths..
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Hair Stylist/Artist/Mom/Crafter
So, a few months ago I discovered abstract art. I really enjoy watching painting videos that are not abstract though. I cannot paint with a brush, at all. I have tried to learn hacks, tricks, and even got an easel. I was watching the same videos over and over again trying to understand how they make it look so easy. I had wasted many, many canvases. Then, I found acrylic pouring method I just had to try. Instantly I fell in love! I never knew something could make you feel a thousand times better about yourself and at the same time you're making some extra cash here and there from it. So it's September, and my house is literally slap full with paintings after about one week of trying these pouring techniques. I post them online to my Facebook and suddenly people start messaging me about the ones that they like already! So, I decide maybe I can make a career of this one day and quit hair. I am so desperate to get out of the hair business it is unreal. It's just not for me. I have been doing hair since I was in highschool so maybe I'm just sick of it? Anyway, I decided to invest in more supplies, get a cricut maker cutting machine and go big or go home. It is now November and I am finally getting everything in order to try and start some kind of a crafting business. I have so much fun making odd and end things. My daughter can even help me with some things I create. We already paint a lot together so once she is older she will have so much fun with me making all sorts of cool things! I have not been at this long at all but I truly hope all things work out and I can stay home and make stuff instead of going to work and cutting everyones hair in the middle of a pandemic. Doesn't it sound fun yet? I don't know if I should journal about my days in the salon or about my art journey but I'm sure the two will intersect anyways. I want everything to be about my art and crafting. My facebook page is Kreative Krafts1989, just search for it and check out all my sweet paintings so far. I'm just trying to be positive lately since everything in my world has been devastating the past couple of years. My grandma died last year and I have been trying to fill that hole ever since. No one, and I mean no one, will ever be as awesome as my grandma. I miss her everyday and recently finding out I am bipolar doesn't help anything. From trying to find the right doctor, to getting on the right medication, to getting the days off from work can be downright exhausting in itself. So art to me is an escape from my reality. I feel no pain or sadness when I pour. I feel no emptiness when I start to work on a craft. Talking to other people everyday and hearing some of their problems does make me grateful for my little problems in the world, don't get me wrong. But sometimes the wrong people cross your path and shake up that little world you're in because they're just a miserable as you are. But at least I try to hide my misery and be cheerful and chipper. I try to never be the debbie downer of things so when people sit in my chair and just continue to be awful I tend to get quiet. This is why I want out of dealing with customers. I'm not saying everyone or even half the people I see are like this but more than enough are this way and it desperately makes me want to pack up my things and quit but I quickly realize I have no other options around here and I am stuck here. This is why I do crafts and pour my little heart out on that canvas. Puts me in a much better mood, I feel productive, and sometimes I make a little extra cash from it. But to make a career out of it... that is what's stumping me. I have done everything to make it seem more like a business. I have made a youtube channel, website, etsy, and now I'm even journaling about this. I am told if you have a passion for something and give it your all it will always work out. But it doesn't quite seem this way. I dedicate all of my free-time to painting and working with my cricut to really understand how everything works. I am obsessed with a new pouring technique that involves my blow dryer, which is super cool since I am really good with a blow dryer in more ways than one now. So I am going to end this now hoping I don't sound whiny or like a cry baby. I'm really neither one. Just someone who is fed up with this pandemic and touching people on a daily basis who don't shower or think that it is okay to get sick then come get a haircut at their local salon. Thank god for masks is all I can say!! YES I SAID IT. I am thankful to all of our healthcare workers who I know are severely stressed out and are working tons of overtime due to the pandemic. I always have my nurse friends in mind. I want to personally thank everyone in the healthcare field. I don't know how they do it but I hope whoever is reading this enjoyed it and was able to put my shoe on for a minute and walk around in it.. No one has a perfect life, but when you're thrown one too many curve balls, the little things in life are all you have left and you cherish every little thing a little bit more. Thank you once again to our nurses, medical assistants, and all medical professionals. I appreciate you all! Let's get through this pandemic together and support each other!
By Danielle Solo5 years ago in Psyche
Fair Trade without robberies
Fair Trade without robberies Chapter 1 of Dark Memoirs There are at least two types of people in the world: those who write this half-assed introduction to a story that tries to distinguish the unusual from the common, and those who are aware that it is an overused framing device but choose not to use it. I tend to be in the latter camp, not the former. In case you were curious. if you asked the question in your head as if you were praying to God, Santa, or that person who was with you for the first two decades of your existence. You are aware of it. the man who went to bed with your mother that night. Looking back, I believe I was always troubled. No, I am aware of it. issues with being disconnected and detached. I really like people, but they are full of cliches, like they can't be trusted and are always wrong. Because the world is cruel and people have hearts, people are cruel. Their hearts are erratic and dishonest. You are already familiar with the kind of cliches I'm referring to. I rarely look in the mirror. Concerned about what I might see? No. I already know what I'll see, and it's not something I like. It is a waste of time to look through a looking glass for every second. Self-loathing is my full-time job, and I'm good at it without looking at that horrible jerk. As the last person so many people see before they expire, I do feel they're relieved by death's imminent arrival. As a result of the darkened realization that dances across their face as I call time, there will be no robberies. I'd say that it gives me a sense of purpose and even joy, but I'm much more than just driven by basic human needs. Glib. That is a word that is rarely used. It feels appropriate, even in my memoirs, which are heavy on erudition and grandiosity. According to the Collins Dictionary, the term "glib" refers to something that is simple and effortless, but frequently in a deceptive, superficial, or insincere manner. Perfect.
By Silent Truth 7 days ago in Psyche
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