"Obituaries"
Obituaries
03/02/2024
Dwayne Sagamore, 33, was declared dead yesterday, after being flattened by a steamroller. Sagamore, a purported time-traveler, had vanished from the time-space continuum precisely 20 minutes prior, according to his grotesque, walleyed lab assistant. Authorities concluded that Sagamore had overlooked Leap Day, confounding his Flux Capacitor. Upon reappearing, 24 hours passed his ETA, the construction site, which Sagamore had used as a staging site for his experiment, had reopened for business.
