When you're robbed at gunpoint by men wearing masks & you go into covid .. with EVERYONE wearing masks .. !

I thought the ending of 2019 was the worst.. then 2020 arrived ! !

Robbed at gunpoint, i gain sezures from it, COVID hits, and i get it,.. my job goes down to 21 hrs a week..I'M BROKE.. and a fulltime caregiver to a disabled parent for whom i support us both on.., and my furnace cracks and emits carbon monoxide fumes.. all in 1 year.. what else is coming by Christmas? Aliens? bring it..get it over with plzzzzzzzz...

October of 2019 i was cashing my payroll check on a saturday about noon.. and casually chatting with my teller, when out the corner of My eye here come 2 skinny young men in halloween masks, black hoodies fast in the door with 2 guns.. 2 glocks ! one black /one silver.. these guys looked to be all of 19.. one JUMPED onto the counter behind the teller in bright yellow sneakers.., the other right next to me close enough to see his eyelashes thru the masks.. my heart sank..and so did i, to my knees as he hit me in the head with the gun and said BITCH get on your knees.. done.. the teller, she just lost it. Yellow sneakers guy on the counter jumped up there like spiderman, obviously the leader, he yells.." open the drawer now ! wheres all the money.. open the safe.." she tryed to explain its time set would be 10 minutes and wont open.. the guy w the gun jammed to my temple..threw him a green bag that hit the floor from under his shirt. Yellow sneakers guy at the teller has by now knocked her down on the floor.. and hes throwing what cash there is in the counter tray in front of me for the skinny figidty guy on me to collect it and shove in his pockets..

The one standing on the counter again now.. with his BRIGHT yellow shoes..he is all over the place, his trademark im guessing those neon shoes . (I looked them up later. Nikes..yellow all over..) the cops kept asking me what distingushing marks or clothes.. thats what i recalled most..

AND.. neither one obviously knew how to handle a gun.. they were awkward, fumbling about at angles trying to be all pulp fiction cool.. they werent. Then as im on my knees i look up once to see yellow shoes going BITCH i told you not to look at me ! ! with HIS gun now two inches from my nose..ever seen a barrel that close and knowing its in the hands of an idiot who is in a rush??? while skinny boy is next to me all figidty still..

I sank again and closed my eyes.

You know how they say your life flashes before you.. mine didnt actually and i didnt pray.. the ONE thought that went through my mind instantly is my grandkids. I will never get to see them. Back up a little.. my daughters married to a Navy guy, her highschool sweetheart, lovely.. great family. 4 kids !!.. and 2 new ones i havent even MET yet.. and barely have had time with the first 2.. and all i could think of is.. my sweet grandbabys will learn at some point grammi was shot at gunpoint in the head by 2 youths who were stupid over a few pieces of paper.

FINALLY yellow shoes says we have to go, shes pushed the alarm..

go go go

He jumps OFF the counter, runs to the door his pants hanging half off..he almost trips out the door.. the other one right behind him.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I am alive !!!!!

I RUSH..a rush thru me like fire.. I jump up... run to the door to lock it.

The teller is now lost her mind screaming, crying, and im now behind the counter, holding her saying its ok we survived.. we are ok hun..

I call 911 and step into a room nearby the counter..and then,

I crumble i cry and cry n barely get the words out we were just robbed.

Time passes, seems like hours.. the police arrive, they ask all the questions, we are both shaking like crazy..i cant seem to move..i feel glued to the floor. as if i were to move id run as fast as i could.

They take our statements. i cant even read what i write.. then I am told we have to stay. their team is coming. WHAT TEAM. i want out of here !!!

No luck.. i have to stay longer, her too. they get the camera footage from the home office and a bank manager has now arrived.. and swat team arrives to take samples.. theres footprints on the counter..etc

talk some MORE. re-live it again !!.. every step..UGHHHH

Im shaking like a leaf and feel faint off and on.. wobbly..head hurts !!..minds reeling... unusually thirsty and have to pee !..

During all this ive taken pics of my own. the bag on the floor..the drawers open.. you name it.. then they ask us to watch the footage of the cameras and my heart melts..i literally feel myself go all damp and mush like soggy paper towel

Im standing here seeing a huge silver gun to my head.. being hit with it, and the other guys at my nose.. and how fast it happened..under 1 minute. but felt like an hour !!

530 pm... WE CAN GO !.. i get to go home.. days go by and i felt numb. crashing if i hear one sound.. NO SLEEP for weeks.. cant even leave the house !.. then months... no sleep/ nightmares.. cant even shop at the grocery if a guy in a hoodie is nearby.. i bolt.. one day i literally walked out with my grocerys on the belt to checkout as a guy was in a black hoodie inches from me with a mask.. i felt wet all over. instant sweat and panic attack..i just ran out the door..cryed in the car. took me half hour to drive home.. no grocerys.

THEN Covid hits and guess what. EVERYONES wearing masks... !!!

EVERYWHERE.. i lost it.

I started having these jumpy body seizures in the winter.. they are awful, wears me down.. exhausted all the time. no rhyme or reason they just start and go.. stop and go.. night or day... Dr says its PTSD from shock.. eventually they will ease up. WHEN???

Now its November 2020.. my birthday is next week.. I can still barely stand to leave the house still. i tell myself. you are safe. its ok. go for it. all the time.. more pep talks than one needs to have with one self..lol.. masks freak the hell outa me !!.. everyones in masks and hoodies.. and looks scary i swear.. and im still having these stupid seizures..! they didnt go away anymore than COVID vansihed..in the warmer temps.. HA

The sheer stress of this year has def. taken its toll on me..

then the landlords furnace cracked emitting fumes and mom and i coulda died, HAD IT not been that half our ducts in the attic werent hooked up.. however we had headaches. nausea, and upset yukky feelings for two weeks after .. dodged another "bullet"

but.. after all that...in less than a year..

robbed at gunpoint, gained seizures, lost half my work hours due to covid, caught covid ! in march.. almost died of carbon monoxide poisoning..

I AM ALIVE !!

MY BIRTHDAY is next week.. and today i realized, its been a insane year and im still here.. little bumpy still.. but i am.. ALIVE !

One year of my life that ive somehow stumbled through.. will never get back.. but. im ok..

and time passed. i got to meet the two grandbabys i havent met, 4 and 8 months.. and spend a few days with the daughter, son in law, and other two grandkids.. and as much as this year has taught me. ALWAYS be on guard.. i also have learned.. the one thing that matters most.. the breathe in my lungs. the air. the sky.. earth, family.

L I V E !!!

literally each day. all you can in anyway you please.. JUST L I V E ! !

The saying it could be your last.. has more meaning to me than ever.

I survived.. and for the two thugs.. i wasnt even angry with them.

All i could think of is you have just wasted your LIFE for pieces of paper.. PAPER..

and if the figidity one had shot me fumbling around or the bossy one with his attitude.. well.. ALL adulthood gone.. eventually they will go to jail.. can pray they learn from it..

but why do that.. for what a new pair of sneakers? or a jacket? a rush?

One thing i will never understand is why, but then thats ok. I am HERE.. and i intend to stay a lot more years for my grandkids to know.. I have a LIFE to enjoy and i am so grateful. A senior mom to continue taking care of.. and more by Gods Grace to do on this earth. I may be broke this year, wondering how to pay bills, aftermath of a horrid plague virus thats weakened me to the core, and seizures to live with that i can pray one day just stop..

but i have life in me.

2 thugs w guns didnt kill me, Covid didnt kill me..a bad furnace and no work didnt take me.. this friday the 13th, 2020 LOL.. came and went and im still here.

SO, When they also say COUNT your blessings ? Blessed is an understatement !

I dont care whom you are, LIFE is literally the most important thing..

its not an ad line..

DO well with it.. Judge No One.. and DO more than is expected of you everyday, so when you DO leave it in a FLASH.. people will have known you existed.. especially family. MY family is my life. AND if anything like this ever does take my life.. It is them that will be my one last precious memory and i am soooooo happy with that. lessons? too many to list.. Gratitude tops the list. and knowing through all that.. i am stronger than i give myself credit for. And one day. i can tell my OLDER grandkids how grammi survived the worst year ever ! so if i can, they can ! survive all of lifes struggles.