What Does it Take to Be Successful?

Cover image-Wonders x Andrea Wan

With what power do we move through our spaces when we feel like we are failing or falling through the cracks? Is there some source, think Atlantis power of the former Kings, that our peers and celebrities have tapped into, that allows them to pick themselves back up and re-assert themselves when they feel like all hope is lost? In simple reality the answer is no. Unfortunately due to the complexities of human nature, there is no simple answer for this question because while the answers we think we are looking for are not directly accessible via flying machine or single blue pill, there is more truth to this idea than the world at large gives credit. Looking back to where I was a year ago, my life has changed in so many ways. In truth, I am not anywhere near as happy as I was at that time. I had two jobs that kept me working around the clock, bills paid months in advance, and money to spend on myself and others. So I sit alone in my apartment, 2:00 a.m., unemployed and nervous as hell to move forward, especially during this global pandemic! Reports come from every angle encouraging me to fear my body, my neighbors, my country, and myself. There is no right or wrong at this moment in time, so the rights we believe individually galvanize us into believing that if not everyone is doing things like me, they are failing or we are failing or the country is failing! (I do believe in some ways the country is failing however…) The prospect of engaging anything other than sitting at home and not spending money is one that, for a lack of better words, devastates me. I love to socialize and explore, and most of all, make money to spend money! This feeling has been overwhelming me from before the pandemic started and I hit a wall where I am truly having to ask myself, what do I do now? Where do I access power now that I feel my light is dimming? How do I make money when everyone is applying for online jobs and I have the qualifications of a 6+ year food service worker? The incense and candles I once trusted to get me through stressful nights are burned out, and I have resorted to researching Youtube home workout videos to exhaust energy and erase my FUPA in 2 weeks more times than I can count this month. The FUPA is large and I can either dedicate myself to the cause or love her for who she is (I do love my lil FUPA though, so I am accepting of the reality where she stays with me forever).

As of late, I realized the only way to go out, is to go in. Thinking back to where I was a year ago, I was in control. I was dominating my emotional and mental states and felt comfortable with this control and closeness. I was honest with myself and aware of the effects (affect is acting on something, effect is endings we see) almost everything I did had on my daily, weekly, and monthly experiences. I had tuned into something within myself that trusted I was powerful and determined enough to achieve anything I want in life. Now, I am not groundbreaking for saying these things, so do not clock me thinking I believe myself to be the next Buddha. I am not the first person to discuss manifesting or envisioning the life you want. Twitter is home to thousands of accounts and pages describing the ways in which you can manifest a better life for yourself today. (I have reconnected with a number of them, so if you would like some suggestions or links I am happy to supply.) So rather than explain to you how to manifest, I want to remind you that manifesting and willing can only take you so far.

In an effort to continue the work we do on the daily, we have to keep stock of the things in life that are integral to our peace and work. As I transitioned into new spaces, I forgot to take accountability for the aspects of my life that brought joy and peace. The aspects that I had worked so hard to provide for myself. I am realizing that in losing these pillars of stability I had once clung to, I began to miscalculate my control of everything that was good about my life a year ago. I lashed out in ways that were not obvious to others but made room for my nature to be paranoid and controlling, jealous and petty (despite having learned to shape my scorpio tendencies into positive extensions of myself). I latched onto money, or lack thereof, and access to distractions, i.e., jobs, friends, food, as a way of gauging success. I moved away from understanding the readings of the cards pulled for me, and engaging the energy as a way of guidance rather than directives. A friend recently reminded me to focus on fulfillment in the daily rather than achievement and for some reason, this struck a chord. Am I fulfilled? Is my daily life peaceful and exciting, engaging and free flowing in the ways it once was? I have been so caught up in the plans I have for myself in 5 years, I am forgetting the plans I can have for myself now, and the joy I can take in simply fulfilling my daily and weekly duties as a sign of love, dedication, and respect.

The ways in which we check off our daily accomplishments encourages positive discipline to which I attribute the most fundamental building blocks in a person’s life. Growing up, most often, discipline was a negative experience that encouraged me to run from it the moment I saw a glimmer of liberation. After running from discipline for years and not understanding why situations were not working out in my favor, eventually, I came to realize positive discipline is in itself a liberation. A fresh made bed and clean, moisturized face makes me so excited to sleep at night in preparation for the next day. It is these minor accountabilities that allow me to exercise greater freedoms in my daily life. These responsibilities encourage me to explore spontaneity but remind me that there is work to be done after I have enjoyed my freedom. Positive discipline reminds me that the goals I have for tomorrow cannot be achieved until I complete the work that is necessary for today.

From a curious heart I can say, maybe this is where power comes from, in the practice, study, and mastery of the building blocks. In almost every hero story, we are reminded to return to the basics and understand that we must flourish in these essentials, if we hope to excel in complications. We see this storyline instilled in every aspect of the human experience, but part of me believes that we equate growth and power to heroes, celebrities, and people in the movies. We doubt the power that we can have because in the grand scheme of things, our plans and goals are menial in comparison to what is glamorized. This, my friends, is the great saboteur as named by Ru Paul Charles. This overwhelming veil of resistance to our power is our fear, and occasionally trust, that things will inevitably go left. All the excitement we have for our dreams should be put away and the clothes we love to wear, hung up in the back of the closet.

This frenemy gains access to our dreams and our powers by way of the linear concept of success. Once you attain success in a single aspect of your life, that is your final form, and only true mishandling of that success can make you unsuccessful. On top of that, should we become unsuccessful, our options are depleted, the bags are closed up, and we should lay down and die. This linear notion leads us to believe that one major success defines the totality of our lives, but again, there are times the goals for the next five years distract us from the goals of today and tomorrow. It is okay to achieve the goals, and it is meaningful to set new goals. Should we achieve what we want, or should we change what we work towards, there is a natural rhythm of this work that cannot be ignored.

If asked to list the reasons why I love Rihanna, I could dedicate an entire day cataloging her success, her beauty, and her impact; yet the primary reason I have a deep seated reverence for Rihanna is her willingness to pick herself up and keep pushing. Very few people would chose to publicize their lives and experiences, and most definitely their falls from grace throughout those lives whether by their hand or another. In seeing Rihanna’s success from the outside, her experience can comes off as linear if you have not been keeping up. To understand the reality of Rihanna’s experience coming up in the music industry, her bankruptcy, and her very public abusive relationships reminds me that whether I fall because x, y, or z, I cannot resign myself to accept that. I am the performer in my show and the visionary for my life. I have to take time to understand my situation, develop a better perspective and move forward. Audre Lorde talks about the anger that fuels a person and how impactful that anger can be. She opened up the reality of being a black woman in America and, to top it off, a lesbian, describing the hate that surrounded her and millions of women just like her for reasons unbeknownst to her. She described the ways in which each and every person can use the anger that results from our experiences as driving forces in the lives we chose to live and the worlds we wish to see. To do this, we must understand these powers and categorize their place in our lives, learning to control and access them when necessary. I must catch myself before I begin to allow my saboteur access to my personal files and I must force the anger for my situation to be my catalyst for change. I must be the person I look to at the end of the day for guidance and strength.

The times we fall are terrifying and jarring. The expectation that once we have defeated our demons, the linear road that follows is filled with success is a false vision to encourage us to stop or turn around at the first left turn or missed road. To walk ourselves through these periods should be encouraged. I encourage you to consistently take stock of the struggles and successes in your lives, in ways that free you to use those experiences when the struggles seem to overwhelm you, and remember that you have been here before and to return to this place only means you are more prepared to handle however the fear, failure, or rejection choses to manifest. There is a power in each and every one of us, regardless of where we believe it to originate. To identify differences does not lessen the value of any one person’s power but rather creates space to grow in knowledge and tap into power we may be unfamiliar with. To find true potential and success we must find our reason, our purpose, our power and carry it with us in all that we do because without it, we forget where we have been and what success we have seen along the way.