Was it Worth it?

There she sat, tears streamed down her pale face as her eyes glistened in the salty pool that filled them. Her delicate fingers clutching what would be the last item he had ever given her. A simple black notebook. Her heart ached at the touch of it. Each movement of her hand caused a new shattering of what should be her heart in her chest.

'Open it', she thought to herself, her words trembling even in her mind.

Firmly grasping the notebook as his memory flashed through her mind, she stopped. His voice echoed like a shadow in the dark "You will not leave me" he said, his tone sharp and stern. She jumped. Dropping the notebook in turn, and she felt the tears well up again. 'How could this happen?' she wondered. 'How could a man so terrible in private, be so loved in public?', 'If they only knew', she shook her head 'How could he only leave me this stupid awful notebook?' angered she growled at the idea as she cursed his name. She was glad he was dead. But she was lost. Alone in the world with nothing. He had taken her freedom from the moment they met, alienating her from her friends and family. Not even a penny to speak of. She shuddered at the idea of confronting them again. How could she? It had been soo many years. Gulping a strong breath she picked up the notebook. It wasn't anything special just a small black notebook with a simple red ribbon page holder that marked one page and leather binding on it's cover.

Grasping at the smallest bit of courage she had left in her body she gently pinched the bottom of the red ribbon and opened the last page it held. Instantly she froze in fear as she read the words;

'My Dearest' she read. Closing her eyes as she took a deep breath and began to read again.

'I can't begin to explain or apologize for all of the wrong I have done to you. I just get soo jealous sometimes that I can not control myself. I don't want you to leave, but it seems if you are reading this then I am already gone. I guess my apologies mean nothing to you at this point but I want you to know, through it all I loved you. The pain I caused was only to show you how much. Please take this money and use it to start your new life. Love Always X'

She slowly let out her breath as she turned the page.

Tucked deep into the nook of the crease was a small folded envelope. Carefully she unfolded it, her hands trying not to shake as she did. It was a check, 20,000$, her name at the top. Confused she dropped the notebook, check still in hand. 'How?' she pondered 'When?' thoughts raced through her mind, she questioned every move he had ever made, ever word he had ever spoken, her scars hidden under her clothes seemed to simmer a dull ache.

She looked up, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Puzzled, her glanced at her mouth open in the strangest of ways. Her thin fragile lips began to curl up towards her cheeks. 'That sound?' 'What is that sound?' she asked herself.

Laughter.

Laughter, she remembered like a dream of tales once lost in her mind. She was laughing. Her tears no longer of hate and dismay, but now held a small glimpse of joy she had wanted for soo long. It was in that moment she knew, she would be whole again one day. She could finally start living again.