THE PROMISE THAT HOLD US HOSTAGE : HOW EMOTIONAL EMPTINESS KEEP US IN TO A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

I want to share something personal _ a story about how the emptiness we carry inside can blind us and keep us tied to relationships that harm us, all because of a single promise made during a vulnerable moment.

I remember when I started one of my past relationships. I had just lost my father _ a wound so deep that words couldn't touch it. I was grieving, fragile , and quietly searching for something and someone to fill the space he left behind.

During those early conversations, he learned that my father had passed away. He looked at me with genuine sympathy and said something I'll never forget:

" I'll always make sure you're okay. I'll be here for you, so you never feel that absence again."

That one promise _ made perhaps unconsciously - became the reason I stayed.

Even when the relationship became toxic...Even when I was disrespected, emotionally manipulated, or made to feel small...I held onto that promise like a life time. I didn't see him as partner anymore - I had unconsciously made him a father figure. I told myself that if I was cold, controlling, or dismissive, it was okay. "Fathers punish their children sometimes," I thought. That's just how it is. And with that twisted logic, I tolerated pain that I never should have.

What I didn't realize then is that I wasn't staying because of love. I was staying because of lack _ the void in me that never healed.

That's what emotional emptiness does. It doesn't always show up as sadness, it shows up as attachment. It disguises itself as loyalty. You end up clinging to moments that felt safe, even if the present reality is anything but.

I know many people might relate to this _ staying in relationships not because they're happy, but because of the potential they once saw, or because someone was kind during their pain. It could be a person who once encouraged you when no one else did, who saw something in you when you couldn't see it in yourself. But here's the thing: kindness in the beginning doesn't justify cruelty that comes later.

Here's what I've learned:

• A promise made in your pain is not a reason to stay in more pain.
• No one can replace someone you've lost - and it's unfair to them and to you to expect that.
• Healing must come from within, not someone else's presence or pity.
• Just because someone once made you feel safe, doesn't mean they're still good for your soul.

Sometimes we confuse emotional debt with commitment. We tell ourselves, "They were there for me when I was at my lowest, I can't leave now". But true connection is mutual_ it doesn't thrive on guilt, silence; or power imbalance.

If you're in a situation like that _ staying for staying for the memory of a promise _ ask yourself: Is that promise still honored today? And if not, you have the right to walk away.

You don't owe you loyalty to a version of someone that no longer exists.

You owe it to yourself to heal, to grow, and to chose peace over attachment. The version of you that was hurting deserved care _ but the version of you now deserves freedom.

That's the life lesson I wanted to share today. I hope that it speaks to someone who needed to hear it.

Words by Solange_Inspired by pain, reborn through purpose