The Art of Self-Compassion

What is Self-Compassion?

American Catholic author and mystic Thomas Merton holds that compassion is the acute understanding of everything's interdependence.

According to Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron, compassion is not some sort of goal or standard that we are striving to achieve.“Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at.”

A helpful attitude is one of self-compassion, gently guiding your own development, and seeking the best for yourself. Better for you than self-criticism is self-compassion.

The majority of individuals are pretty harsh on themselves. This is especially true if you feel like you have a flaw or are lacking in any way. When they make a mistake, people frequently treat themselves poorly in the hope that it would make things better. But in the end, it does absolutely nothing to improve matters; only self-compassion does.

Self-compassion is a healthy alternative to self-criticism and mistreatment. It entails treating yourself with kindness and acknowledging that you have things in common with the rest of humanity. But, it is also about recognising one's own limitations.

Self-compassion comprises three key components, according to American psychologist Kristin Neff, one of the best scholars in her field:

• Kindness toward yourself.
• Recognition of your own humanity.
• Focused attention.

Consideration for yourself

Kindness to yourself not only changes your thinking, but it also changes your body.

When you soothe your pain, you activate the attachment mechanism, which all mammals have. The production of oxytocin, a hormone that improves emotions of trust, is one of the most significant activities of this system. It also boosts your ability for self-affection and compassion by making you feel tranquil, safe, generous, and connected.

Kindness to yourself allows you to treat yourself as a valuable human being worthy of affection.

Acknowledge your shared humanity.

Compassion arises from the realisation that the human experience is flawed. Recognizing that all humans can fail is the first step towards compassion for oneself.

Remember that suffering is shared when you come into contact with your common humanity. Everyone experiences suffering and agony at some point in their lives.

Being self-compassionate does not imply feeling sorry for oneself. Self-compassion allows you to see the situation more clearly and compassionately. This inspires you to seek out better answers for your personal advancement.

Tara Brach explains: “Feeling that you don’t have any merit goes hand-in-hand with feeling removed from everyone else, removed from life. If we’re imperfect, how can we feel part of a community? It seems to be a vicious cycle; the more useless we feel, the more removed and vulnerable we feel”.

Kindness and other feelings of connection trigger your brain's attachment mechanism. Individuals who feel linked to others are less afraid of adversity and respond to life's obstacles with greater flexibility.

Developing concentrated attention

The third essential component of practising self-compassion is focused attention, often known as mindfulness. Living in the present moment with acceptance and without judgement allows you to gain a better understanding of your suffering.

Mindfulness practise also helps you acknowledge how you feel and identify emotions and thoughts as they are, without allowing them to define you.

It's about paying attention to what's going on in your mind and in the present moment. This allows you to recognise thoughts concerning the past and future for what they are: thoughts.

Furthermore, mindfulness provides you with techniques for responding to various situations from a sense of serenity and relaxation. As a result, you will not overreact and will prevent consequences that you may regret in the future.

When you think about it, being self-compassionate is a never-ending practise in self-kindness. You should cultivate it throughout your life.