The Art of Being Happy Alone

How Living Overseas Taught Me to Grow Alone and Well

About eight years ago, I arrived in France to pursue my studies — a lifelong dream I had carried since childhood. It was my first station overseas and, above all, the biggest challenge I had ever faced. Everyone knows what it means to live far from one’s family and home country.

At first, I struggled greatly to find my footing, especially since I landed in Paris, a city well-known for its overcrowded and hectic atmosphere.

I recall that my first week at the university began with a stressful administrative marathon — between university registration, the prefecture, and other bureaucratic procedures. I was already feeling the weight of life as a foreigner and alone.

At the beginning, it was difficult for me to shoulder that burden. And that was normal; my shoulders were not yet conditioned to bear such weight. Worse still, there was no one to help me or fill my cup. I had left all my friends and relatives behind.

At that point, a part of me wanted to raise the white flag and return to my home country to escape the ongoing distress. Then, I began second-guessing my decision to venture into the unknown like that and even my ability to stay the course.

A deep sense of loss and increasing anxiety — with all their devastating ripple effects — took hold of me, despite my relentless efforts to resist them.

Initially, I thought I was the only one going through this situation, which was only getting worse. Doubt continued to fill my empty cups of hope and overshadow my original fiery determination.

However, after exchanging with peers and hearing their feedback, I realized that I was not alone. This realization brought some reassurance, even though it remained bittersweet.

I kept fighting the restive idea of giving up that fiercely resisted my hankering for success until I ended up resigning myself to the facts and settling into my new land little by little, just like a migratory bird landing in a new land.

I understood that "What cannot be cured must be endured.”

I had no choice but to accept reality and stay focused on my goals if I truly wanted to achieve them — without ever trying to stop the river. In any case, it would be pointless.

One of the earliest and most enlightening lessons exile taught me was the necessity of learning to fend for myself and build my own life with my own hands.

Although I met people almost daily at university and occasionally spent time with classmates, it never brought me the level of solace and meaning I was seeking. I shouldn’t expect people with whom I was in the same unstable boat to cheer me up — there is only a slim chance that this will happen.

That was the first powerful message I received, and I immediately noted it.

After all, it’s a struggle for survival for everyone, but particularly a rite of passage for purpose-driven people.

As time went on, this realization grew stronger within me, making me more confident and resilient than ever.

Gradually, things improved as I found answers to my deepest intellectual questions and spiritual needs. These answers emerged from combining extensive reading with lived experience.

The Black Death, a plague pandemic that ravaged Europe between 1347 and 1351, has been referred to by some historians as “The Great Teacher,” for the timeless lessons it revealed about human fragility, mortality, the vulnerability of life, and the limits of medical knowledge and institutions.

Similarly, exile became a great teacher and wake-up call for me. It taught me autonomy, responsibility, the vulnerability of the human condition, and the ease with which exile can derail or destabilize fragile souls…

Looking back now, what once seemed like a rough patch turned out to be a transformative path that led me to where I am today.

My primary thought became clear:

If I want something done well, I must do it myself.

My final commitment was simple and firm:

I take an oath to keep chasing my dreams and building my own house — alone — come wind or rain.

Looking back now, what once seemed like a rough patch turned out to be a transformative path that led me to where I am today.

After extensive research and drawing on my long experience overseas, I identified several traits that characterize people who live alone yet meaningfully and peacefully.

1. They Cultivate Self-Awareness

People who live alone contentedly know themselves deeply. They understand their Personal Legend and never stop pursuing it — much like Santiago in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho:

“Life is really generous to those who pursue their Personal Legend.”

They know their needs and aspirations, their strengths and weaknesses, their bridges and their walls. Aloneness becomes an opportunity for self-discovery and recovery rather than self-destruction or emotional bankruptcy.

In my own experience, exile-related aloneness allowed me to:

-Free up more time to read and explore the world of ideas

-Become more independent and resilient

-Ultimately, better understand myself and the world around me

Proof of this transformation came later, when I found a job as a primary school teacher — my lifelong dream.

Thanks to aloneness, I developed new skills and focused on personal growth, far from the noise and exhaustion of metropolitan life and social media.

2. They Invest Heavily in Themselves

Happy people living alone use their energy and time to build better versions of themselves.

They:

-Read extensively and look at things deeply

-Take online courses

-Attend seminars

-Build selective and meaningful relationships

-Learn languages and new skills — even while traveling or eating dinner

They understood that every minute counts. Every experience becomes an opportunity for growth and expansion.

They don’t seek validation or attention. They are self-sufficient and move forward with clarity because they know who they are and what they are capable of.

They remain focused, whatever the weather is, and no matter how big life‘s obstacles are.

3. They Pursue Their Goals Without Compromise

People with few or no close friends devote most of their time to self-improvement and progress toward their goals.

The void left by the absence of constant social interaction becomes a space for developing deep expertise. They focus on what truly matters and avoid the distractions of trivialities and attention merchants.

They demonstrate strong time management and discernment. Not everything — or everyone — is worth following unless it serves their purpose and well-being.

When you understand that time and attention are your most valuable assets, you stop trading them for what doesn’t benefit your own growth.

4. They Adopt Atomic Habits and Healthy Routines

At their core, purpose-driven lives revolve around healthy routines — habits that nurture them.

These may include morning rituals like:

-Drinking water upon waking

-Exercising to energize body and mind

-Reading or writing daily

-Practicing meditation to sharpen focus and prepare the mind for the day ahead

Routines act as anchors and daily resourcing rituals, aligning actions with goals and providing daily direction and an uplifting sense of achievement.

5. They Find Purpose Beyond Social Validation

As Maslow pointed out, the needs of belonging and esteem are parts of human nature and life. Seeking approval is natural — but when it becomes an obsession, it can distort life.

Social media, as a breeding ground for comparison and competition, magnifies this obsession, turning validation into a currency of narcissistic tendencies and attention seeking into a business or livelihood.

People who thrive alone find validation internally or through their returns on investment.

They share ideas without expecting applause and can voluntarily help in the neighborhood association without ever disclosing their status.

All they need is to build a meaningful life and make an impact, however small.

6. They Protect Their Energy Uncompromisingly

Those who enjoy life without close friends understand their limits and set boundaries on the external world.

They know what drains them and what refreshes them

They avoid noisy environments and energy-draining interactions — not out of antisocial tendency, but strategic lucidity.

They are not stringent; they are merely intentionally selective.

There is a difference between loneliness and aloneness.

Loneliness arises from emotional isolation and social disconnection, impacting a person’s health and increasing their vulnerability.

Aloneness is a deliberate choice and transformative experience, providing a positive empowerment complementing social engagement. Unlike loneliness, which implies deprivation and feeling empty and sad even in the presence of others, aloneness is strengthening and can contribute to positive and active engagement in multiple aspects of life.

7. They Embrace Solitary Adventures

Solo travel

Exercising alone

Eating alone

Going to the cinema alone

What others see as carceral, a happy solo person considers emancipatory, which leaves more room for personal development.

They become their own best company, developing independence and self-compassion without relying on external approval.

They remain deeply present, even when they appear distant.

Final Thoughts

I once spent many months feeling painfully lonely in the middle of a bustling, festive world around me— especially during my first year as a foreign student in France.

At first, I thought it was the worst thing that could happen.

Later, I realized it was a blessing in disguise — a necessary step in my transformation process.

Aloneness is not always synonymous with cursed isolation. It can be blessed seclusion and life-saving separation. It depends on how we interpret the message and live the experience.

It can be the best moment that allows you to:

• Quietly confront your reality without special effects and background noises
• Realign your actions with your values and goals
• Discover yourself and the world around you more deeply
• Reconnect with your life mission
• And, ultimately, to be stronger, more balanced, and more fulfilled.

Solo happiness, too, is a choice, even more, an art that requires self-awareness, practice, love of life, and much courage.

It’s like an existential sculling; it requires a strong body-mind connection, focus, tenacity, and serenity.

As you embark on or grow in this journey, remember:

You are not really alone; you are with your true self and inner guide.

Serve your purpose by yourself while remaining open to the world from time to time, to let the light fill your room.