Surviving is not living

It's five A.M. I'm sitting in bed, with a t-shirt pulled up to my collarbone, a baby suckling away at his milk and goosebumps arriving on my bare legs that got caught in the lingering cool morning air. Every night, countlessly, my husband tends to do what I like to call a 'tuck-and-roll', where he will grab the sheets and completely wrap himself into a cocoon, made of what is supposed to be our shared blanket. Hence, the goosebumps on my skin.

My eyeballs felt like hitting the ground. It was one of those nights where yesterday practically blended into this supposedly, 'new' day. Thankfully, my baby's eyes shut on behalf of us, and I snuggled him back down in his cot. Excitedly, I slunk back into bed and rolled up to my cocoon, gathering as much of his radiating warmth as possible. After what felt like thirty-seconds, I awoke again to the sun waving to us through the window, and the beautiful, peaceful sound of my son screeching in the delight of being awake again. That was my queue. Another day of wet nappies, laughter, tears, repeatedly opening and closing my nursing bra, while ignoring the piled dishes and laundry looming to be folded. Sighing, I collected my son from his cot and made our way to the change table to begin our morning routine.

Since having a baby, everyday can be the same. The same things, over and over again. There are days where I absolutely love it, and I count all of my blessings. However, there are days where it really, really sucks. Being a stay-at-home mum can feel very trapping, lonesome, and helpless. There will be times where I question my self-worth, wondering if I am doing everything correctly, or if I simply suck at motherhood. These are the days where I find my sanity in taking baby out of the house. It doesn't really matter where, well, preferably outside, if it is a nice day.

In saying this, to get of the house is always my number-one, self-care go-to. My favourite place to escape to is a local cafe that sits on the bank of a river. With a large iced chai latte, with almond milk, in one hand, the pram handle in the other, I like to walk along the riverside and breathe in the soul cleansing air. The tranquil scenery of the rustling trees and chirping birds always resets my brain into calm-mode and I feel ready to keep going with whatever the day might throw at me.

If, and I repeat, if, the day is extremely bad, and simply escaping the house hasn't done it's duty; my second self-care go-to is to make sure baby is fed, safe and has some form of entertainment, while I sit comfortably and use a meditation App called, Bloom. I go through a series of breath-work patterns, guided meditations and some stretching to improve my blood circulation. With the idea that the more oxygen going to the brain, equals a clearer mind and a calmer heart. This is also beneficial in helping me feel grounded and more connected with my emotions, which assists in helping me to regulate them.

My final self-care go-to, on days where nothing is working, I resort to the depths of the couch. Whether baby is in his rocker, playing on the floor or snuggled in my arms, I will sit back, eat all the snacks and watch as many episodes of Vampire Diaries as it takes until I start to feel semi-normal and ready to move forward.

As a mum, you have to just take each day as it comes. It can feel hard to not set expectations on yourself, as well as your baby. However, it is so important to put your mental health first. A mother, father, or any person, can not function to their best ability if they are not taking care of themselves primarily. This means, do the things you love to do and make time for yourself. Ensure that in the craziness of reality, you have an outlet where you can feel grounded, and connect with yourself again. Check in with your mind, body and soul. You wouldn't be able to drive a car with no fuel, or bake cookies without an oven. Taking care of yourself is setting the greatest example to your kids, by showing them that they matter and how putting your health and wellness first is a priority. In doing this, our kids will break the intergenerational cycle of prioritising everything but ourselves. Not only could this save lives, it could change the humanity in our society completely and this is what inspires me.

In case you need a reminder right now, here it is.

You are loved. You are so important and you are worth taking care of. You were put on this Earth for a reason and nothing should let you believe otherwise. Take each day as it comes, and simply talk to yourself as you would a friend. If the greatest achievement you did today was simply get out of bed, I am proud of you. Keep going. Life is filled with so many unexpected ups and downs, and I know for certain there is something in your future worth waiting for.

*If you need someone to talk to right now, please, google your national lifeline. There is someone waiting to speak to you this very moment.

Australian lifeline: 13 11 14