So You're Grieving a Loss...

It's the circle of life...

With life, comes death.

In some point in everyone's life we lose someone.

But what do you do when that loss shakes you to the core?

I recently lost two close friends, due to a car accident. This loss shattered me, and my close-knit group of friends.

All in our mid-twenties, struck with the reality that life is so fragile.

Given this incredible loss, many of us took off from work. Some took a whole week or two, others battled with bosses and unpaid leave to make it happen.

When the most exhausting week of our lives was over, we had to go back to reality.

How can you? Grieving at any age reminds us that life is short, and should be cherished.

At least for me the last thing I wanted to do was go back to work and pretend everything was "back to normal".

Grieving as a young professional poses unique challenges.

Your boss knows you're young, maybe this is your first job in your career, or maybe you're at the job you want for life.

Either way we are sometimes held to different standards, we are young, full of energy, ambition, and enthusiasm in our work. We are seen as innovators, resilient people that bring "freshness" to a work place. Yet, if we take too much time off from work it may be seen as the stereotypical "Millennial Lack of Work Ethic" or it simply runs through all of your PTO. Yikes!

How do you balance your professional identity, cultivate understanding, protect your own privacy, take time to grieve, return to work, and still not totally lose it?!

With what knowledge I have as a young mental-health professional, I offer my advice;

First, be honest...let your supervisor and HR representative know what's going on. Talk with them about the best plan regarding time away from work.

Second, unapologetically take the time you need. Every person deserves appropriate time to grieve. Do not feel guilt for the opinions of supervisors or co-workers regarding the time you take for yourself.

Third, evaluate how you are needed at your job, what ways in which you may struggle upon your return to work, and plan accordingly.

For example;

As a Therapist, I help others with their Mental Health. I cannot possibly support others if I am not healthy enough to do so. Therefore, I would cancel/postpone client appointments until further notice and notify co-workers and supervisors of my strategy to returning to work and taking on my entire work load.

Fourth, ask for support. With your return plan in action, let co-workers know how you are doing, and ask for help with projects. You don't have to give all the details to get the point across that you need support. Let them know you may not "be on your game" for a few weeks.

During the Grieving Process, you may experience Depression, inability to concentrate, memory issues, mood instability and lessened patience, and other symptoms unique to each person.

You may need to take moments away from work to cry or take a deep breathe, let a trusted colleague or supervisor know.

Lastly, step up your self-care game! Focus on self care activities that bring you the most happiness and relieve the most stress. Ween yourself off any unhealthy coping mechanisms you may have indulged in while in the thick of grieving (alcohol, over/under-eating, etc). Ween yourself back on any routines you had stopped (going to the gym, vitamins, house chores, etc). Get outside, eat healthy good-for-the-brain food, reach out to family and friends, and feel!

Whether you feel sadness or joy, welcome it, these are the emotions that remind us we live, and gently guide us through healing.

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation"- Rumi

To those who read this, I hope it helped. For those grieving or not, it's imperative we put our Mental Health first. We cannot be the best if we are not being the best to ourselves.

With a warm heart,

Kate