My Peace

My motivation is my “peace” of mind.

Oftentimes, I feel like the majority of the world is on “autopilot”. Most people live day-to-day, going through the motions - so absorbed with work, kids, their social life, bills, etc. - that they forget to take the time to love themselves. We tend to get so caught up in things that don’t make a single difference to anyone but us: the kind of car we drive, the size of our house, what model our phone is. When we all inevitably reach the end of our lives, will any of that really matter? Should we strive to make those insignificant things our legacy or strive for more and dig for something deeper- like our SANITY?

I’ve been the person stuck on “auto-pilot”. I have a passion to spread love to every living being to help them find their peace of mind—even if they find it hard to do that themselves. I do yoga, strength-train, running, and meditate upwards of five times a week. Though the physical transformation is a bonus, the spiritual one has been most important. Taking that time for myself has really driven me to look for my purpose. However, I haven’t always had the most healthy outlets for all the stress that life threw at me. At one point, I was placed on antidepressants. I had zero motivation to do anything because my body felt heavy and weak. When I wasn’t crying, I was asleep. When I was neither crying nor sleeping, I was so riddled with anxiety that I would consistently ruin just about any good day or opportunity I had in front of me. Anxiety made me terrified. I was scared of everything and anything - even things that were so far out of the realm of possibility- that it would make anyone who would listen to me laugh. What if I got sick? What if I made a fool of myself?

My overly anxious and depressed state of mind often led me to make poor decisions for myself and ultimately remain in them for longer than I should have. I allowed myself to accept emotionally abusive relationships, to quit jobs, make poor choices and anxiously over-criticize my mistakes. Looking back, I allowed myself to be in such toxic situations because I genuinely thought I deserved it. I was so out of tune with myself and it made me feel helpless. I got so tired of feeling “sick and tired” and knew it was time to seek help before I allowed myself to slip into a darker place.

Ultimately, therapy is really where I started learning the root causes of my behavior. After a lot of difficult conversations and self-realizations, my therapist asked me to try to find things that made me happy. I quickly turned to fitness because it helped me place my energy into something else other than anxiety and sadness.

I knew I always liked to run. Running made me feel like I was literally running away from my problems, so I started there. Although I am quite aware that my problems will still be waiting for me at the finish line, running was still a chance for me to release my aggression. Running made me reflect, feel present and overall it made me feel better. After each run, I could see progress - little by little.

Eventually, the desire to beat the clock turned into my desire to beat the scale and be happy with my body. I didn’t have a set goal weight in mind or even an ideal figure I wanted - I just knew I wanted better. I turned to a personal trainer. She taught me to eat better and what muscles I should work on. Eating healthy alone boosted my mood and made my body feel nourished. With a little bit of discipline, I was able to mark my workouts on my lovely little personal planner. I created a shopping list filled with lots of awesome plant based foods - which, I promise, won’t be bland if you season it the right way. After getting into a good flow, I found a love for fitness classes. This is where I found yoga and the happiness I find in it. There, I learned to incorporate fitness, peace of mind and mindfulness.

Let’s snap back to the present, shall we? The pandemic.

In mid March, I lost both of my jobs and rightfully so, I FREAKED out.Although I wasn’t necessarily depressed, I was unhappy with my life and my attitude towards the situation. I quickly started looking inside of myself to address how reactive I still was. Oftentimes, If something didn’t go my way, I would DEFINITELY make it known. After some soul searching, I realized, “wow, I am such a brat!” So, I added brattiness to my fix-it list. I also couldn’t rid myself of my excessive worrying. If something worried me, I would talk about it incessantly. My friends, family, coworkers - even the cashier at my local 7-11 would hear about it. Although I’m making an attempt to fix my constant blabbering, I might just have to chalk this one up to my Latin roots and call this one a loss!

All this newfound stress drove me to work out or do yoga every chance I could to help me stay sane. I also started reading self-help books, listening to podcasts and just researching ways to improve myself while still going to therapy. I then dove into meditation. Meditation is how I learned how to be still in my thoughts. There is something about just sitting there and focusing on the “now”. It is a beautiful and calming feeling. Though I wasn’t working, creating a schedule and routine focused around my mental and physical health gave me the peace I needed to continue to grow.

All this soul searching and organization had turned me into a full blown yogi - and now I’m even training to be an instructor! I have also gone back to work at one of my old jobs, thankfully! I still have my daily planner which reminds me of everything I have to do to hold myself accountable. My day starts by meditation to wake up, then a journal entry for my manifestations, intentions and things I’m grateful for while drinking my MudWtr (a GREAT replacement for coffee, by the way) that’s packed with nutrients that give you energy, reduce inflammation, and boost your mood. Then, I either take a yoga class or do some strength training or running before I head to work. While I’m there (and even when I’m not), I try to express love and gratitude in everything I do throughout my day. Scheduling everything out keeps me on track and allows me to incorporate other things into my schedule such as Reiki. Reiki is a healing technique which is based on energy transfer from the healer to the client through their hands. The belief is that disease can be caused by stored emotions. I have found it helps release my unexposed emotions and aligns my energy. Reiki helps me heal.

At the end of the day, I come home tired, yet happy and fulfilled. Though my schedule may seem full, I can check off every single thing in my lovely little planner with a smile on my face, knowing that each task completed was done with love and intent. To me, finding my place on this earth and gaining clarity is everything. But it doesn’t stop there. My mission is to spread the things I have learned to those around me so they too can gain clarity. Hopefully, I can make a difference to others by sharing the love I have for myself, my peace of mind, and my future. THAT is truly my motivation.