Loving Myself Was Harder Than I Thought

They tell you to love yourself like it’s simple.

“Just love yourself.”

“Put yourself first.”

“You can’t love others until you love you.”

The phrases sound empowering, even easy. But no one talks about how hard it actually is to look at yourself—your wounds, your past, your reflection—and decide you are worthy of love.

No one warned me that loving myself would feel more like unlearning than becoming. That it would mean sitting with discomfort, digging up buried shame, and choosing to stay with myself even when I wanted to run.

Loving myself wasn’t soft and graceful. It was messy. And it took time.

Where the Struggle Began

I didn’t wake up one day disliking myself. It happened slowly, over years.

It happened through every comparison I made online.

Through every time I prioritized someone else’s opinion over my own.

Through every “almost” love that didn’t choose me back.

Through every internalized belief that I was too loud, too quiet, too emotional, too much.

Self-rejection isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it looks like people-pleasing, perfectionism, or never letting yourself rest. I didn’t even realize how much of me I was abandoning in order to feel "enough."

The Myth of Instant Self-Love

We see self-love sold in perfectly filtered photos and affirmations written in cursive. We’re told to treat ourselves, take bubble baths, post confident selfies.

And while those things can help—they’re not the whole picture.

For me, real self-love began where comfort ended.

It began when I confronted the parts of me, I usually avoided.

The part that felt like a failure.

The part that didn’t meet society’s beauty standards.

The part that still hurt from old wounds I pretended didn’t matter.

Loving myself meant staying present with my inner critic—and not letting her win.

Learning to Be on My Own Side

At some point, I realized: if I keep waiting to feel perfect to love myself, I never will.

So, I started small.

I began noticing my thoughts, gently redirecting the harsh ones.

I apologized to myself for the years I spent doubting and diminishing my worth.

I spoke to myself like I would to someone I loved—not someone I was constantly trying to fix.

Loving myself wasn’t a grand declaration. It was quiet, repeated decisions to be on my own team—especially when I didn’t feel lovable.

What Made It So Hard

It wasn’t just the external messages that made self-love difficult—it was the internal wiring.

I had been taught to tie my value to how productive I was, how helpful I was, how “good” I could be in other people’s eyes. Unraveling that conditioning took time. And courage.

Because loving yourself also means:

Letting go of who you thought you had to be

Disappointing people who benefited from your self-neglect

Reclaiming your voice in rooms that preferred your silence

Self-love, I’ve found, often requires radical honesty and boundary-setting. And those things? They can be terrifying.

The Breakthrough Moments

It didn’t happen overnight. But there were moments—quiet, unexpected ones—when I realized something had shifted.

Like when I looked in the mirror and didn’t wince.

Or when I rested without guilt.

Or when I ended a relationship that made me feel small.

Or when I forgave myself for not knowing better in the past.

These were not dramatic events. They were sacred. They were mine. And they were proof that loving myself was working—even if it was still in progress.

How I Love Myself Now

I still have hard days. Days where the old voice creeps back in. But now, I catch it. I don’t let it take over.

Now, I love myself by:

Being gentle with my healing timeline

Letting myself say no without explanation

Choosing rest without apology

Showing up for my dreams even when doubt whispers louder

Creating space where I don’t have to earn my existence

I don’t wait to “feel” worthy. I decide I am. Daily.

You Don’t Have to Wait, Either

If you’re struggling to love yourself, please know this:

You are not broken because it’s hard.

You are not failing because you don’t feel confident yet.

You are not behind for still unlearning the lies you were told.

Self-love is not a destination. It’s a practice. Some days you’ll feel full of it, others you’ll feel like a beginner. That’s okay. The love is in the trying.

The more you stay with yourself, the more you build trust. And over time, that trust becomes love—not because you’re perfect, but because you’re real.

Final Thoughts: A Love Worth Fighting For

Loving yourself isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before the world told you who to be.

It’s the most sacred relationship you’ll ever have—and the only one guaranteed to last a lifetime.

So, if it feels hard right now, keep going. If it feels slow, that’s okay. If it feels painful, let that pain be proof of how deeply you’re learning to care.

Because loving yourself may be hard—but it’s also the most powerful thing you’ll ever do.

And you are worth every moment of it.