Living In a Harsh World
Growing up dumb and poor with bad mental health
I remember thinking to myself in middle school that I'd end up dead before I was 18. I was wrong, Obviously. However having that mindset made me lazy, I didn't try at anything. I didn't have good grades or a lot of friends because I genuinely thought that I wouldn't make it into adulthood, so what was the point in trying?
Fast forward to my 18th birthday. Ungraduated, jobless, and no plans for the future. I have basically been winging my life since the day I was born so it wasn't a giant obstacle but it was very inconvenient to have no purpose. Luckily I did have a bigger head start than other people my age, I was in a pretty bad car accident when I was 13. I ended up getting a decent amount of money from that accident since my arm has a plate of metal holding it together now. I then thought that was my way out of my rut, I could finish school and go to college with that money! But no, I actually spent most of it on my family, and since we grew up poor I wanted to spoil them. So now I don't have a head start anymore, what do I do? If I'm completely honest with you I still don't know.
I grew up wanting to be a Robotic Engineer, I've always found the way technology works fascinating and growing up I would take apart electronics around the house and put them back together. Every career test I've ever taken told me to be an Engineer (which if you knew me is odd, I seem dumb) and I loved that no matter what test I took it told me to be one. But now I'm 20, broke, living on my own, and jobless because my car is messed up. It's no big deal but now I'm scared and anxious about the future when before I didn't care (quick tip "it is what it is" attitude helps). I don't know how I'll manage to finish school and get into Engineering anytime soon but I know I can do it. Why? Because I push myself the furthest I can go with anything. If I go on a run and I start to cramp I'll push myself harder. I know what I can handle.
Honestly when life gets me down I usually try to remind myself how bad life can really be. About 13 years ago my Mom became addicted to Heroin (she's been clean a year now though!). My entire childhood was stolen by my Mom's addiction. I don't blame her she went through some pretty harsh shit herself. But looking back on it helps remind me how strong and powerful I am. If I could handle my moms addiction and alcoholism while I was still in elementary school then I sure as hell can handle anything else the world tries to chuck at me. So when life is feeling difficult or you feel stuck I find that looking back at the harder times can be extremely helpful. And if you're going through the hardest part now looking towards your future is the best you can do for yourself.
When it comes to mental health I'm no expert. I'm always in a consistent cycle of self hatred and sadness. My self hatred fuels me it helps me gaslight myself into doing better, but it also eats away at my soul day by day slowly crushing me with is weight until I'm flattened down into nothing. But there's almost never a reason to hate yourself sometimes you just do. But don't. Fuel yourself with the joys of life instead, the way the birds sing in the morning and the crickets chirp at night. How the sky shifts colors at the rise and fall of the sun. How the stars look and how the wind feels on a summer night. When I find myself motivated by these instead I'm happier. Life isn't about big accomplishments or wealth, I've found life is more about love. Just loving everything. Loving that deep breath of fresh air as you walk outside, or the warmth of the blanket you just took out of the drier. Life is simple, there's no reason behind it. We live to die so we might as well love in-between and make the most of it. Forgiveness and Kindness is the key to a happy heart. Who cares if loving and helping people makes you happy and then that makes you selfish. Be selfish. Don't be flattened by life get filled with it. Let it lift you up to the stars where you belong.
As my life keeps trotting on I'll continue to write advice for people like me and I'll continue my story. My worst fear is becoming my parents, lets steer clear of it together.
About the Creator
Poptart
One mentally unstable person sharing her stories and attempting to help others:)
Keep reading
More stories from Poptart and writers in Motivation and other communities.
“He Kept Going When No One Was Watching — And That Changed Everything”
No one ever noticed the days he almost gave up. There were no messages asking if he was okay. No one wondered why he became quieter. No one asked how much effort it took just to keep going. To the world, he was just another ordinary man. His name was Ayaan. Ayaan’s life didn’t collapse in one dramatic moment. It slowly faded. Missed opportunities. Rejected ideas. Silent disappointments. Every failure was small, but together they became heavy. He had dreams once. Big ones. Dreams that kept him awake at night, imagining a future where his hard work would finally matter. But over time, those dreams began to feel unrealistic—almost embarrassing. People around him seemed to move forward effortlessly. They celebrated promotions, achievements, and milestones. Ayaan watched from the side, smiling politely while feeling invisible. At work, his efforts were ignored. Among friends, his voice faded. At home, expectations weighed heavily on him. Slowly, a dangerous thought settled into his mind: “Maybe I’m not good enough.” That thought followed him everywhere. It followed him on crowded buses. It followed him into sleepless nights. It followed him every time he tried again and failed. One night, after scrolling through endless success stories online, Ayaan closed his phone and stared at the dark ceiling. His chest felt tight, not because of pain—but because of exhaustion. He whispered quietly, “How long do I keep trying?” There was no answer. But that night, Ayaan made a decision—not a loud one, not a confident one. A tired decision. He decided to keep going, even if nothing changed. The next morning felt the same. The same routine. The same doubts. The same fear of wasting his life. But Ayaan showed up anyway. He worked when no one praised him. He studied when no one guided him. He practiced when no one believed in him. Some days, motivation disappeared completely. On those days, discipline took over. He reminded himself: “I don’t need applause. I need progress.” Weeks passed. Nothing dramatic happened. No sudden success. No recognition. No miracle. But something subtle began to shift. Ayaan became calmer under pressure. He learned to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. He stopped comparing his journey to others. The silence that once scared him now became his training ground. Months later, a serious problem appeared at his workplace. It was complicated, risky, and easy to blame on someone else. Most people avoided it. Some pretended it wasn’t their responsibility. Ayaan didn’t announce himself. He didn’t seek attention. He simply started working. Late nights. Mistakes. Corrections. Learning. There were moments he wanted to quit. Moments when fear whispered, “You’re not ready.” But he answered back, “I’ll learn.” Slowly, the problem began to disappear. Not perfectly—but steadily. People noticed, quietly. One afternoon, his manager called him into the office. Ayaan expected criticism. Instead, he heard a question that stunned him: “Where did you learn all this?” Ayaan paused. How could he explain years of silent effort? How could he explain working when no one cared? He simply replied, “I kept going.” That moment didn’t change his life overnight. He didn’t become famous. He didn’t suddenly become successful. But it changed something far more important. His belief in himself. For the first time, Ayaan understood that life doesn’t always reward effort immediately. Sometimes, it watches. It watches who continues without praise. Who improves without recognition. Who grows in silence. Years later, Ayaan looked back at the version of himself who almost quit. The man who felt invisible. The man who thought no one was watching. And he smiled. Because he finally understood the truth: Life was always watching. Not to judge. Not to rush. But to see if he would keep going when it was hardest. The world doesn’t reward those who only work when they’re seen. It rewards those who build strength in silence. And sometimes, the moment that changes everything doesn’t come with applause. It comes quietly. After patience. After effort. After consistency. That is when everything finally begins to change. Final Message Keep going—even when no one is watching. Especially then.
By Inayat khan5 days ago in Motivation
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.