Leaving my dream job...

Since I was a child, I always wanted to dance. I loved to dance. My primary activity with young friends was singing and dancing and performing and putting on shows for them. Literally.

When I got to my teenage years, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for three hours on the weekend and choreograph and dance and practice all what I'd been learning in my dance classes - in my mind I was already a professional dancer and teacher. 16 Years going onto 17. Where was I? Well it's funny you ask. You won't believe it when I say, I was living in a small rural Canadian town called Labrador city, located in Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada. Nah, I don't think you get it. My family and I were the only brown family from South Africa, and the only brown kids (aside from another boy & girl), in our majority white high school. Not that it matters, but I'm giving as much biased and subjective context, so do what you will with it.

Anyways, that's who I was and where I was. I was absolutely passionate about it and watched dance any video I could, and then freestyle my own creation.

Flash forward...2015. We move to the capital of canada - Ottawa. Its new, still getting used to the dance scene. My self esteem was really low at this time. I switched out of a vegetarian based diet and started eating meat again, and not exercising as much - under perhaps some kind of stress. I gained weight, my skin broke out, 10x times worse than when i was in high school. So you can understand why I didn't exactly feel good about myself. So I hesitated going out in public as often.

So that's why I danced in my bedroom. (more on this through the page). I danced to escape, to create. Sometimes now I'd hit a little weed, and I'm gone, transported to another world.

My relationship with dance throughout my university years, were quite on and off, but i still keep the relationship going.

During covid, I was home. and I didn't dance as much, as I would have liked. It was a pause era.

2022. i'm living in an apartment with my partner and i am working part-time and he was full-time. How that worked out, I never understood but it somehow did for 2 more years after that!

I was in the transition of looking for other jobs, because the part-time restaurant one wasn't cutting and here you can read about why it took my 5 years to quit.

I finally relentlessly applied and landed my dream professional dance job with latin & ballroom global dance organization.

And that's where we are today. It's been nearly 5 years i've been working with this organization, 10 years in the same city. And not to say I am not grateful for the knowledge, the push, the struggles..but mostly the love for teaching and watching students grow before your eyes. The christmas cards they give you and writing long essays detailing how much you've impacted they're self esteem...

And then there are moments where you feel left out, but you keep your head down, show up do the work, do the work well and move up with experience....

And now it's time to move. to my dream city. TORONTO.

(before opinions and thoughts start filtering through, I'm letting you know now, I'm simply not interested in hearing negatives (like "its too expensive"...etc etc.

Yawn. You've already bored me.

I believe in myself to do it. Is it going to be easy? I'm not expecting that either. But I know I got it. And it's time.

Something I forgot to mention, alongside becoming a professional dancer, part of that vision was to live in a apartment in my dream city by myself. I'm about to turn 29, isn't it time?

...

I've spent my young adult life, in this city, I am about to say goodbye to. The long study sessions in Morisset Library, sometimes that would turn into nap sessions, with an alarm to wake me up.

The quick smoking sessions on my work break when things were slow at the restaurant...especially in the winter. Nothing satisfies me more, than a cigarette on a cold and gloomy day. Man that felt like a character on its own.

The relationship that i chose to be in and learned more about myself than if I hadn't been in one, and watched someone evolve into who they set out to be or envisioned for the future.

The late night bus rides into downtown, and stumbling out of bars at 2am in the morning then wondering if you should do it again.

The rite of passage as you start hooking up and learning about sexuality - i was blessed in that I was taking a human sexuality class in university so i was not afraid to explore and do it with education backing me up.

My relationship with substance, on and off, hot and cold. inhales and exhales.

Teaching wedding couples how to dance watching students grow their skills.

Family chats around the kitchen table with drinks and food sprawled across the granite top, music playing on the tv, the vibes, vibing. Mum asking, "Who wants to do karaoke?", she asks excitedly. We siblings make eye contact with each other and roll our eyes, and I'll flatly and excitedly say, "I'll do it..". Dad is enjoying his drink on the couch, checking his soccer stats and latest news updates. Snow is falling, and you are all dressed in christmas sweaters. You're off for two weeks from work.

....

So I'm letting go of a lot. Idk, it seems like it's time. I'm stacking my money, doing my research, working as much as I can. But also, showing up for myself in the best way i can. Moving my body. Reading and building my neurons and ideas and ways of thinking (because I heard that's what reading does, instead of doom scrolling, lmao). Drinking water. Eating properly.

Now, not to say that I won't hit some weed once in a while - I won't say no and I will enjoy it, but in turn, making sure I continue to take care of me...as I prepare for this next stage in my life. Leaving my dream job to move to my dream city.

Why not go after your dreams?

With gratitude,

Priya