I Stayed; Look at Me Now

I was 21 when I first found what I thought was unconditional love. Over the next few years it became clear to me that I was being loved conditionally, and things in my life would never be the same.

My entire life I saw my two loving parents fight, ridicule and degrade one another. I decided in my teens that I would never be in "that kind" of a relationship with someone. I branded myself as a hopeless romantic then searched for my prince charming, yes, even at 14-years-old.

I spent countless nights throughout my teens feeling as though I would never be enough for someone. My first love came to be at 16, a boy in my French class. I definitely didn't know what I was getting into and had just begun to become a woman.

He and I went back and forth with one another; fighting and breaking up then back together. Looking back now, it was completely unhealthy, but I was desperate to have a long-term love. We both graduated High School and immediately moved in together. The same thing kept happening, though, back and forth, back and forth.

Then, at 19-years-old, I found out I was pregnant. I was a baby having a baby. I knew I was too immature and had not yet grown into the woman I needed to be for my daughter. He and I decided to get married while I was pregnant, but reality sank in after I birthed our daughter.

Quickly, we went down hill as a married couple. We both knew we weren't meant for one another. He saw other people and so did I.....that's where my story really began.

I met someone who showed me that love was real and true. I felt as though I walked on air every time he entered a room. We dated while I was going through a divorce at 21-years-old. He was my rock, in the beginning.

I had my very own apartment and I let him move in with me. Soon, I realized how big of a mistake it was.

-There are so many moving parts throughout this point in my life, and I don't think they will be allowed on this site, but I can share a few touch points. -

He would anger easily, rage would consume his entire body and it would be taken out on me. At this point, my family was ashamed that I had a one-year-old and getting divorced, so I was the black sheep. My parents disowned me and all I had was him.

I wasn't allowed to see my daughter but every few weekends, supervised by my mother who would eventually tell me that she could not make our visits. So I fought, in court, for the right to see my daughter.

The more I fought to see my daughter and gain custody, the more angered my boyfriend became. He took everything out on me, physically and mentally. I stayed.

Then, only three months into our damaged relationship, I found out I was pregnant again. I was devastated and desperately wanted to leave. I realized that I had no one to turn to. My family wouldn't talk to me and I had let my boyfriend isolate me from all of my friends. I stayed.

I did everything in my power to protect myself and my unborn child from him. Somehow, I won custody of my daughter and I protected her, too. My family came around after I won. So I stayed close to them.

I moved four houses down from my parents and reconnected, without notice to my boyfriend, with my friends. Everyone knew what was going on with us. Everyone hated him, but I chose to "stick it out" for the sake of our son. I tried hard; I did everything in my power to make him see that he had a family in front of him; I talked until I was blue in the face. Nothing worked, but I stayed.

My family and I grew close; I found myself at my parents' house every day. I gave birth to my son at 35 weeks, he was healthy and I still tried to stay for our child, so I put my boyfriend's last name on the birth certificate. (One of my biggest regrets)

A few short months later, my dad passed away completely unexpected. I was devastated and broken-hearted. So I turned to my boyfriend, it felt like he was finally on the right path until he wasn't. He went back to his old-self. I thought fatherhood wood change him, but it didn't.

Even though my family had disowned me for so long, I was extremely close to my father. He begged me everyday to leave my boyfriend and that he would be sure I was never hurt again, before I lost him. I took his death terrible, but I had children so I took initiative to enroll myself in Grief Counseling.

At first, my boyfriend came with me, until my counselor found the root of my extended grief. MY BOYFRIEND. I knew I couldn't leave because he made threats all the time about me and my children. I knew it would take time for me to let go of what I thought was love.

With the help of my counselor and the help of my two very best friends, a total of 10 months later, the plan was executed. I had enough of the threats, the physical pain, the mental games....I WAS DONE.

He tried to take away my spirit and would say awful things, but filed to have custody of our son. I filed for a restraining and protective order. He would tell me that he had so much pull within the system that I would never see my son again. Well, he was wrong. I won custody, I was awarded a protective order, and I survived him.

A piece of paper never stopped him and time and time again, I would report it. I was told that it was a civil matter and no help could be provided, so he kept tormenting me. I moved on. I chose my kids and myself. Karma came for him later. (Too explicit to share)

Fast forward to today. I am 28-years-old, I have two beautiful and healthy children and two step-daughters that I absolutely adore. I WAS a victim of a volatile relationship, but I SURVIVED when so many men and women don't. I am married to the love of my life, who lifts me up when I am down, who doesn't control who I can be friends with or my family; who encourages me to be the best I can.

He is everything I ever wanted in a partner and more. I will spend the rest of my days with him. But this story isn't strictly about love, it's about overcoming and becoming stronger.

So, I'm here to say that through all the crud life has thrown at me; I am an established legal writer and paralegal, along with continuously growing into an entrepreneur. I have started several businesses that have failed, but I will not be put to rest. I can look in the mirror each day and be reminded of how my life could have ended many years ago. My scars are now my ambition and motivation to continue to be the best that I can.

All of my children make me be the best mom I can be and my husband guides us through our life, together. I live every day to the fullest that it can be and I have many people in my corner.

Don't ever feel that you aren't enough for someone or for yourself. Don't ever give up on your life and when you feel down, ask for help. Without my people, I would not have accomplished so much. Obstacles are temporary and life is too short for what ifs; don't be a victim, be a survivor!