I have a fear of running, so what?

All of us have at least one fear that seems completely irrational. Something that when we confide in someone about it, we often follow with "I know silly, right?" or "I know it's stupid" or "I know I shouldn't be but...". The 'I knows' that follows our fear that is completely valid yet, so many of us feel like they are invalid when we share.

Recently I realized I have a fear that I didn't think anyone would ever relate to. Something that sounded so out of left field yet explained so much of what I've been feeling lately will I struggle to take ahold of my mental and physical health. It took hearing someone else share what we may call a "silly" fear for me to decide to share my own.

Running.

I'm scared of running. I'm not saying I never run because I do. In all actuality, I run quite often - when I hear a scary noise, when I need to catch up to my dog or when I'm running late. But these types of running aren't what I mean when I say I'm scared of running.

I'm scared of getting on the treadmill with the intention to run or getting dressed to go outside with the sole purpose of running. Running miles.

This isn't an average fear where I shake or break out in a sweat over the idea of facing the fear. Then again, what is average? Who am I to decide the average reaction we have to fears? If we all have different fears then we all would have different reactions to those fears, right? So what I will say is it's not the average reaction I have to fears.

Perhaps it's truly not the act of running itself that scares me but the fear of what my body will do in reaction to running. Yet, it's running that brings this out in me.

So for now, to keep it simple, I'm sticking with that this is my fear and just as quickly as I took acceptance of the fear, I'm also going to face it.

Starting today, I will set out with the intention to run. Run for as long as I can without worrying about the duration or time as that really isn't the point of this exercise. The point is taking hold of this fear.

Some questions I'll leave for my future self:

Do you still have a fear of running? Is running something you incorporate and look forward to in your day? Did facing the fear of running solve for more than just that?

I hope that by facing the fear and perhaps conquering it, I won't just have a new hobby but that my fear can turn into a coping measure for other things in my life. I like the idea our fears could be lotus flowers, something beautiful coming from something dark and murky.

Yet, if nothing comes from it except for the fact I can stay I can and I did face it, that will be enough. Even if I run for less than a quarter of a mile - even if I only run for 10 seconds - it will be enough for me. Enough that I can look back at and say I at least tried and gave it my all. Success shouldn't be measured by if we became an expert on it. As long as I am proud of it, that is all that matter but, I will go into this hoping for a lotus flower and won't be hard on myself if it's just a clear dot in the murky water.

With that, I'll ask you this, what is your fear? Are you willing to try and face it?