Grieve and Grow

"But what is grief, if not love persevering?"

This is my favorite line from the Disney+ series, WandaVision. Before watching it for the first time, I have never had my own definition of grief or I could never fully describe it. Now, I can. I can somehow relate to Wanda in the scene because she had been going through so much, and when she said "I'm just so tired," - I felt that and I cried so much. This scene is a really emotional one and it taught me to become comfortable with talking about how I feel. If you're an introvert, there must be some way that you could let out your thoughts and express yourself. I hope you have someone to listen to you because it will definitely, hopefully, make you feel better.

Grief is a weird thing, and not in a bad way.

It is unique for each individual. You may not experience it in the same way as everyone else, but that's okay. One moment you're crying your eyes out and screaming like a baby. You feel the excruciating pain of knowing you’ll never see them again. Your chest literally hurts. It hurts, but you let it. You endure it.

Next thing you know, you're just staring at the wall. There's nothing in your mind. It's just.... blank. Complete emptiness.

Your friends call to check on you. They leave you dozens of voice messages that you don't bother listening to. Your boss sends you an email sending his condolences. You realize it’s almost time to go back to work. Then you'll feel like everything is normal again, because it has to be. But you're always wondering. It never stops.

The process is never easy.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You can be drowning in shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, or unbearable sadness -- subsequently, or all at once. All of these may occur because of the reality that grief is a natural response to the loss of someone's life.

Funerals are even harder.

There's that awkward feeling whenever someone tells you "I'm so sorry for your loss," or "We're here for you." It's awkward because you have to fake a smile and show some gratitude, when all you want to do is lie down on your bed and cry. You have no appetite or even the slightest regard for how you look. It's so hard that you have to show strength that you don't even have.

To grieve is to know pain like no other. It means to understand what the "ten" feels like when the doctor asks you to "rate your pain on a scale of one to ten." It is to live in a nightmare.

The truth of the matter is; grief makes us human. It makes us who we are and transforms us into who we should be. It makes us feel. As what Vision said in that scene, "it can't always be sorrow, can it?" Life goes on, we should too.

We all need to grieve. I needed to grieve.

As I'm typing all of this down in hopes to inspire or connect with you, my readers, I've realized that all of what necessary. I grieved for the person I once was, the life I was once living, and of course, the people I've lost. I learned to let it all go even though it was hard. In the end, life turned out to be okay. I carry the memories with me now and I know nothing but gratefulness. It was definitely not easy, but I do hope you'll get here too.