Do You have a Support Network?

Life is harder when you’re on your own.

Human beings are social creatures, and we usually feel better when we have support from a strong social network around us. For most people, it’s our families that hold us together like glue.

How many times have you heard your friends talking about their families?

It’s constant right? And yeah, it’s nice to hear, but I admit, it makes me jealous. Sometimes, I get upset.

I’ve never had a strong family behind me that I could turn to when I hit all the red lights. I’ve never had strong role models in my life to help me when I needed advice.

If you have suffered from abuse or trauma, it’s common to be isolated.

Life is harder when the going gets tough for trauma survivors because we simply don’t have that fundamental support.

If your faucet breaks and you need a plumber, it might cost you two months rent to fix it. But for someone with a big family, there might be a plumber relative who would fix that faucet for free.

Life is full of those little bumps and going at it alone is sure to have more road blocks than others.

I’ve heard the old saying that It takes a village to raise a child. I agree with that statement, but I think it doesn’t stop when you grow up.

An adult needs a strong social network through all of life’s peaks and troughs or successes and downfalls — whatever you choose to call them.

I can give you three examples when I’ve felt that something was missing from my life.

When I was in my final year of my teaching degree, I struggled when everyone else had their families to lean on. They got help with money, rides, meals, laundry and groceries — you name it, they got it.

I had to work through college while studying. I felt every single day.

When I got married to my husband, there was nobody on my side of the room apart from a few friends who sat there out of compassion.

After I had my first son, I was sick for a long time due to the nature of the birth. I missed having someone there to support me when I struggled to move around the house, while my husband was at work.

Dare I say it… I needed a mom during these times. But I’ve never had one, and yet in those moments I needed that void to be filled.

I’m sure many of you are missing something from your life even though it’s hard to put your finger on what it is.

Something is missing. You feel a void.

It is much harder to succeed at achieving a goal all alone, but when you get help and support along the way, it is much more manageable.

Part of healing from trauma is being willing to accept help from others. This is something most survivors struggle with because part of the damage from trauma, is that we do not trust anyone to be there for us.

Trauma survivors learn that trusting people opens us up to price tags or conditions of some sort. It’s even more difficult to recognize that we need help and to ask for it.

Are you good at asking for help when you need it?

I know I am not very good at asking for help, but I also know that I am one of those people who will bend over backwards for anyone who needs my help. Isn’t that weird?

Well, accepting help, and offering help, are two very different things. As a trauma survivor, I recognize hurt so much quicker than others because I am hyper-aware of people around me.

It can be overwhelming at times.

Reaching out

When life isn’t going so well, it is important to reach out to people you trust, like friends and of course family, if you have them.

Being alone only serves to drown an individual into depression because there is no anchor to tether you to safety or compass to show you the way out of the jungle of self-annihilation. You have no soundboard to pour those horrible thoughts into. It is a downward path to rock bottom.

Reaching out to friends and family not only feels good, but it also helps you to regulate your emotions back into control.

Sometimes, all you need is a change of scene, and then try to relax. You don’t even need to talk, just being around someone can be enough.

In the past, when I was completely alone, I signed up for every class I could afford, and volunteered at a community center to meet people. I have some awesome memories of the people I met, but it took time to forge new friendships, and even longer to gain trust.

Nowadays, I have my family and a network of friends around me. I don’t know how often I have crossed the street to my friend’s house and sat in her kitchen with a coffee, watching her do laundry while our kids run around our feet. I mean, who does that?

Well, my friends and I do it all the time. Just being in someone else’s house can help if you are having a bad day. I still remember those old days when I was alone in the world and the comparison is like night and day. My life is way easier now.

Make sure to choose the people you turn to who’s got your back. You will find out soon enough if someone is not trustworthy, and it’s not a nice feeling to be betrayed in your hour of need.

There are those times when you need more help than just sitting in someone’s kitchen or having a catch-up cup of coffee with a friend in the city.

This is when you need to tell your friend you need their undivided attention to listen, or for them to understand you have a problem or situation you need their advice.

For these conversations, only privacy can help. A frank discussion between two people alleviates what is on your mind without interruptions from the outside world.

Let someone else take care of the kids for an hour and go somewhere private. Sometimes, these conversations are so difficult you might just need a shoulder to cry on. Boy have I been there plenty of times. Whatever you need at that moment is the right thing to do.

I have come a long way in my healing journey by opening up to trust people about my past. If I can do it, so can you.

I feel much better after sharing my hurt and pain with trusted people. I wrote my memoir (The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds) of my childhood Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Offenders-Daughter-Story-Survival-Against-ebook/dp/B0BBSV97VF/ref=

I wrote it to help other survivors know that it is okay to have a life after trauma, and to live it well.

Remember that you are not alone in the world. Use the people around you who make you feel better, and let them know what your struggles are. The people who love you will want to know and help you thrive.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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Here are a few links to my articles:

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Are You Dealing With Burnout?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-dealing-with-burnout-374f774141b4