Create the view inside of you

I remember many things from my childhood. I can honestly say that not everything was entirely bad either. The bad things did however greatly overshadow the positive things. The good and bad that has happened has brought me to meet so many kinds of people. A diverse group to say the least within all of my thirty-four years; I know that I am also nowhere near done with lessons and so therefore I anticipate that I will in fact meet many more kinds of people before I go to sleep for good.

The people I have met so far, who have been gracious enough to share their stories about their own childhoods have made me so grateful. Not because horrible things should ever happen to any of us as children. A time in life where we are supposed to be protected the most, but those stories of the things that others survived, have given me such an insight and although it may not have been intended it also gave me the fire in my soul that I have today. The want to not only protect those that I can but also to hold the ones responsible for doing the most damage. The ones who prey on our trust and our innocence. They all also helped me feel like less of a freak. I was finally not the only one who went through the rough. There were other families with their own dysfunctions. Many, many more than I ever realized. I remember looking at seemingly happy families who went about in the public, and I remember thinking that they all looked so happy and so normal. I thought when I was younger and watching them, about how incredibly lucky they were to not have my realities. Little did I know that there were some families and quite a lot of them, that lived my reality but also worse ones than I had. My thoughts were the farthest thing from the truth, and I did not know it until I was much older and had chances to see all of that with my own eyes through the experiences I had.

I am not happy that the facts of things are what they are, rather, I am saddened by it to great depths. Yet I still remain grateful because it was all I saw and all the stories that were shared with me that opened my mind and took me out of the victim mindset ultimately.

I cannot put into words how hard it is to live from that mindset position. It is by far one of the hardest spots I have ever been in. Nothing grows from there. It is lonely. Often very dark. All that comes from that place is a continued cycle of pain, trauma and defeat. The worst part is that many times it is the place we decide to unpack and live because it is easier than facing the ugliness. That is a trick however, a trick to keep us in a mode of being, where we then ourselves often become like the ones we swore we would never be anything like. That is when the snowball effect happens, where we begin to damage the relationships and bonds with the things and people that are in reality the best for us. We traumatize our own children. We isolate ourselves in an attempt to protect our hearts. We become so desperate to protect whatever we have left in our yard so to speak, and we close out the healthy things that need to flow in to help us truly heal and prosper growth.

To be completely clear, I do believe that everyone's feelings are absolutely valid and beyond that it is normal, especially in some of the abusive dynamics that we can find ourselves involved in. However, if we cannot properly learn how to dissect those feelings, we will never be able to locate the root of them.

For a moment, imagine that you have a big garden. You begin putting all kinds of pretty flowers, or maybe even some herbs and food plants in there and you get it looking truly beautiful and lively and full of color! Then what do you do? Do you walk away and leave it to grow on its own with no help? I am willing to bet that most of us might have the inclination to maintain it, right? Regularly weeding that garden, harvesting the fruits of it. Perhaps even adding things to the soil some of us, to help the plants grow better. Making sure that all the plants had the right amount of watering happening so nothing died!

That is the same kind of energy we must remember to keep when it comes to our mind. In many ways it is similar to that garden you envisioned creating. Weeds must be pulled out by the roots, so then do our negative thoughts and beliefs to avoid our good things being invaded and taken over, otherwise our growth of the good and beautiful and positive things will be stunted and there will be no room for the necessary expansion. Not one of us is too far on this journey to stop and weed their garden, known as the mind. What an awesome truth! My advice to you, is do not be afraid to do the hard work. Nothing worth having at all comes easily so delete that thought now and get to weeding! You will thank yourself for it all when you begin to reap all the beautiful and major benefits!