Coronavirus - An Opportunity to Self Reflect?
Doing an Inner Deep Dive
For the first time in a very loooong time, I am sitting quietly, alone, in my condo (that comes with a mortgage payment I now can't afford), in a state of desperation as a bar/lounge owner that is now shut down in the hopes of flattening the curve of the rate of infection of the brand new Coronavirus. A cascade of panic grips me, and I am going down the rabbit hole of OMFG, how am I going to pay the mountain of bills that had already piled up? I was already skating on thin financial ice, and this... This is going to push me over the edge to insolvency. And my beloved staff...How can I help them get through this? Why wasn't I smarter about these things? Didn't I do this for a living in my prior life? Where did all my financial skills go?? Why didn't I save more, why did I run for office, why did I buy the condo? Why why why? So much guilt and SMH moments, so many should haves and could haves... I've been torturing myself since the shutdown and we are only two days into the ban. There is three more weeks to go. Three weeks is a long time for a business with very small margins to get through. And that's if the virus is contained after these three weeks...
After wallowing in seemingly endless self pity, I finally squeezed out the last bit of despair (I think). And realized, hey, let's take things one step at a time. Let's be the spectator of the movie of my so called life. It's an interesting exercise taking myself out of myself. Worrying never ever ever in the history of the world ever helped anyone. And let's take stock of where you (meaning I) come from. Remember that your parents, god bless their precious souls, survived two wars, met starvation first hand, saw their friends and family killed and they are here to tell the story. This, by comparison, is a walk in the park. First things first. Let's get this virus contained and then we can pick up the pieces.
Out of habit, I looked at my schedule to see what I had on deck. I had a pretty full schedule of City Council duties and meetings along with bar events to host, organize and shifts to work. All of them canceled or postponed. I have to admit that a part of me is very relieved to not have a schedule. It has been such a frenzy since I signed on to run for city council (last summer), on top of being a single mom (with a 12 and a 10 year old with very active schedules) and running a business (and yes, don't forget the Oops I did it Again Mr. Enlightenment I was distracted by as well - see other article). I don't think I stopped to breathe or take inner inventory in a while.
I take a deep breath. Channel all the readings and videos I was exposed to the last year (Abraham Hicks, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Tufti the Priestess, Reality Transurfing Techniques, Carolyn Myss, etc.), assume the lotus position, close my eyes and focus on breathing and just watch the parade of thoughts go through my mind. Ah, there goes the shame of not having structured my business finances better, there goes the "maybe I should have waited to run for office", there goes the worry of having to possibly shut down the bar, there goes the intense fear of failure, there goes the shame I have to face and on and on the endless parade of negative thoughts went. But while the parade is proceeding, I notice where I hold all the stress and try and remember when was the last time I scanned my body and was in touch with how I was feeling? I notice that I hold stress in my stomach, fear on my shoulders, the worry shows up in between my brows (remind me to make an appointment for botox), and one by one, I relieve the contraction and knots in my body. And let her breathe. A novel thought bubbles up. What if, for shits and giggles, I was nice to her?? What if we tried some positive energy that I read and preach about so much? What if all the Law of Attraction stuff actually works? See chart below, emotions may actually have their own frequency. If you're a Nikola Tesla fan like I am, you know what the father of electricity said, "if you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration":
Looking at the chart above, the lowest frequency is, yup, where I've been setting up shop most of my life. Shame and Guilt. The highest vibrating ones? Love, Joy and Peace. And look, neutrality is ok too! Courage and Willingness to Accept! This is like a roadmap to Peace and for those willing, to Enlightenment.
So, for today at least, for maybe a minute (which is a minute more than I thought had time for), let's take a breath. Let's use this time of needed isolation to look within, let's release the fear/worry for a minute, and think of all the things that we are still lucky enough to have (I for one am grateful for my health and the health of my loved ones). Let's be bold and dare to dream BIG and audaciously, and create the world we want to come back to when this crisis is over. And if it turns out that my business is done for good at the end of this ban, I am no longer afraid of that. I am the most grateful for the opportunity to have built my dream, the people I had the pleasure and honor to serve, meet and work with, my staff who became my family, and the incredibly humbling experience it all was.
About the Creator
Tufti the Empress
Believer of taking leaps of faith, dip your toe outside your comfort zone. Composer of ones own reality. Student of inner wisdom, being authentic. Living with Love, Gratitude, Belly Laughs.
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Oops I did it Again...
I did it again. Fell hard for a tall, handsome, eloquent, intelligent, athletic and gorgeous man, who made me feel like the center of the universe. This one I thought, was different. He was enlightened! He knew who Abraham Hicks was! He meditated and practiced yoga! He wasn’t afraid to look deep within himself and uncover core wounds! We discussed astral projection! Did he really say he was interested in my curiosity of quantum mechanics? From the moment we met, everything flowed so effortlessly. Our schedules allowed for us to spend incredible amounts of time together. And spend time together we did! Every spare moment we were meeting up. For coffee, for a drink, for a drive. If we had 15 free minutes in the middle of our hectic day, we would spend it together. It was all so magical. The way his beautiful sparkling blue eyes would stare at me. How beautiful he told me he found me. How he would hold me. How affectionate he was wherever we went. How he completely disarmed me by being so comfortable in his own skin. How comfortable he allowed me to feel to just be me, without any of the usual accoutrements of make-up, hair, padded bra, etc., the image I felt I had to put on everyday to feel accepted by society. And did I mention the sex? We made love for hours at a time. Finally, I thought, a man who really knew how to create a safe space for deep intimacy, so we could both let go. The word “love” fell out of our mouths so naturally. He told me I was the one. I told him he was the one. My heart was so full. Finally I thought, the piece de romantic resistance from all these years of kissing frogs...And then...
By Tufti the Empress6 years ago in Humans
“He Kept Going When No One Was Watching — And That Changed Everything”
No one ever noticed the days he almost gave up. There were no messages asking if he was okay. No one wondered why he became quieter. No one asked how much effort it took just to keep going. To the world, he was just another ordinary man. His name was Ayaan. Ayaan’s life didn’t collapse in one dramatic moment. It slowly faded. Missed opportunities. Rejected ideas. Silent disappointments. Every failure was small, but together they became heavy. He had dreams once. Big ones. Dreams that kept him awake at night, imagining a future where his hard work would finally matter. But over time, those dreams began to feel unrealistic—almost embarrassing. People around him seemed to move forward effortlessly. They celebrated promotions, achievements, and milestones. Ayaan watched from the side, smiling politely while feeling invisible. At work, his efforts were ignored. Among friends, his voice faded. At home, expectations weighed heavily on him. Slowly, a dangerous thought settled into his mind: “Maybe I’m not good enough.” That thought followed him everywhere. It followed him on crowded buses. It followed him into sleepless nights. It followed him every time he tried again and failed. One night, after scrolling through endless success stories online, Ayaan closed his phone and stared at the dark ceiling. His chest felt tight, not because of pain—but because of exhaustion. He whispered quietly, “How long do I keep trying?” There was no answer. But that night, Ayaan made a decision—not a loud one, not a confident one. A tired decision. He decided to keep going, even if nothing changed. The next morning felt the same. The same routine. The same doubts. The same fear of wasting his life. But Ayaan showed up anyway. He worked when no one praised him. He studied when no one guided him. He practiced when no one believed in him. Some days, motivation disappeared completely. On those days, discipline took over. He reminded himself: “I don’t need applause. I need progress.” Weeks passed. Nothing dramatic happened. No sudden success. No recognition. No miracle. But something subtle began to shift. Ayaan became calmer under pressure. He learned to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. He stopped comparing his journey to others. The silence that once scared him now became his training ground. Months later, a serious problem appeared at his workplace. It was complicated, risky, and easy to blame on someone else. Most people avoided it. Some pretended it wasn’t their responsibility. Ayaan didn’t announce himself. He didn’t seek attention. He simply started working. Late nights. Mistakes. Corrections. Learning. There were moments he wanted to quit. Moments when fear whispered, “You’re not ready.” But he answered back, “I’ll learn.” Slowly, the problem began to disappear. Not perfectly—but steadily. People noticed, quietly. One afternoon, his manager called him into the office. Ayaan expected criticism. Instead, he heard a question that stunned him: “Where did you learn all this?” Ayaan paused. How could he explain years of silent effort? How could he explain working when no one cared? He simply replied, “I kept going.” That moment didn’t change his life overnight. He didn’t become famous. He didn’t suddenly become successful. But it changed something far more important. His belief in himself. For the first time, Ayaan understood that life doesn’t always reward effort immediately. Sometimes, it watches. It watches who continues without praise. Who improves without recognition. Who grows in silence. Years later, Ayaan looked back at the version of himself who almost quit. The man who felt invisible. The man who thought no one was watching. And he smiled. Because he finally understood the truth: Life was always watching. Not to judge. Not to rush. But to see if he would keep going when it was hardest. The world doesn’t reward those who only work when they’re seen. It rewards those who build strength in silence. And sometimes, the moment that changes everything doesn’t come with applause. It comes quietly. After patience. After effort. After consistency. That is when everything finally begins to change. Final Message Keep going—even when no one is watching. Especially then.
By Inayat khan6 days ago in Motivation
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