ATM

At this very moment, my brain is exhausted, and my legs are aching from working all night. My toes are cute though…snow white against this chocolate skin…Ooooweee…Any who! Right now due to every ache that I feel, tear that I cry and sense of exhaustion, I can barely focus to even write this let alone every laundry list of things I need to do to reach my goal is just an ATM (At The Moment) feeling.

Now just hear me out. You go to the ATM to withdraw money you deposited? Which I also translate to be “at the moment” feelings. And these feelings are very temporary. Right? No? Yes? Okay follow me here…

I tried to take many shortcuts to withdraw money from ATMs that I never deposited. I was going in circles trying to retrieve money from very ATM I had come across. But I had not done the work on myself to begin to withdraw a penny. Insanity, right?! So, I had to go back home and begin to do the work to deposit my money or what I like to call shadow work deposits, root work, conquering and controlling my demons /lower self. I NEEDED MY CASH DAMN IT!! So, I gently, patiently, fiercely, and sternly dealt with me. It took me a few years to complete my healing & growth (depositing money). Was it easy? HELL NO! It hurt like nothing I have ever felt before. I realized I was in a fight for my life. Plenty of nights I cried myself to sleep or did not sleep at all. There were spells of times that I had to remove people that I absolutely loved out of my life. There were moments I felt like I had lost my mind or was on the verge of losing my mind. Spiritually speaking, I did. I thank the Universe for sending me the few people to help me along the way.

Here I am today, tonight, this rising to tell you that I made it back in the line to withdraw my money from the ATM. On my drive there I thought about everything I had grown from and how I have finally found peace and balance within myself. AND SHE SMILED AT HERSELF IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR FOR I WAS PLEASED! No looking back now!

Finally, here I am in the line waiting my turn to use my debit card. This line here! Let me tell you, it will not only test your patience and it will test your will power. This is the time to implement everything you did your shadow work on. Just when you think things are supposed to get easier, they get a little more uncomfortable. Yes, I say a little because I have been through war before this. Remember I was fighting for my sanity, I was fighting for my life. This line is just full of small battles to test the shadow work I had done. This line determines if I really have money in the bank or if I was faking it again. RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT I’M EATING THIS! Is It WORTH IT?! YES, every ache, pain and battle I fight is worth standing in line waiting to withdraw my cash from the ATM.

I have withdrawn my cash, now it is time for the ultimate test. What To Do With The Cash? I told myself that I would reinvest what I withdrew. I decided I am taking my life to the next level there is no stopping here!!! Being able to withdraw what I deposited is the best feeling ever! I feel free and at peace. Now it is time to reinvest and triple up my deposits.

TO BE CONTINUED 2021