Eternelle Glo®

I used to swear by supplement influencers.

They were all over TikTok back in the day. All those hot young influencers swore by its skin-preserving, line-softening, muscle-building, butt-tightening benefits.

I know. Because I was one of them.

At my peak, I had a following of thousands. Whenever there was a new product on the market, I'd snap it up and host a live event for everyone to to watch me try it. It was my brand, my niche, my purpose.

One day I got a DM from a Doctor Hilary Zachariah from the University of Arkansas. Apparently they're big on natural supplements in AR.

She had this new product called Eternelle Glo®.

Doctor Hilary told me it 'improved chromosomal stabilization' and 'increased longevity'. (I had to check she didn't mean erections.)

"It's been through trials," she said. "Just awaiting FDA approval."

Would I like to demo it?

The first public demonstration of a brand new supplement? My followers will lap this shit up!

And even better: it was so pretty. The bottle of softgels came in the mail: perfect, squishy bubbles of purple-pink liquid. How could I refuse?

*

I had more than 5k viewers when I popped the first pill. I described the effects in real time. The texture on my tongue, the hardness as I swallowed it. Within minutes I was getting comments:

you are shining!! 😊

You look radiant 🌞😎

Over the following hours, I detailed my blood pressure, pulse, fatigue, mental clarity, metabolism, bowel movements... My literal gut feelings. Nothing was too personal.

After the livestream ended, I washed for bed. In the mirror I could tell my skin was still glowing. I posted a couple of quick bedtime selfies then called it a night.

Over the following days, my body felt alive. My cells went into overdrive. My hair was lustrous. My pores were clear. My skin was smooth and radiant.

Look, I know what you're thinking...

This is gonna turn into some Demi Moore/Substance gorefest as my skin boils and I turn into a pile of meat.

That isn't what happened.

*

On March 8th 2027 the first nukes landed in Warsaw.

Russia had invaded Poland. Apparently they've done this before.

NATO resisted for a few months, but they never really slowed the combined Russia-US-CCP Axis of Liberation.

I'd been online, doing a live review of the new Eternelle Glo® Limited Edition with NAD+ when suddenly my stream stats halved. Every viewer east of Berlin and west of Moscow dropped off.

It took a few hours for the news to be confirmed by the MSM.

A few hours after that, the major internet routers were taken out by a global cyber-response which no one would ever have the resources to pinpoint.

But I knew I'd be OK.

I had a pantry loaded with powdered greens, collagen peptides, adaptogenic mushrooms, all sterile and shelf-stable and direct from the manufacturers. I had decades-worth of trial packs of vacuum-sealed spirulina and bone broth powder.

Even after the mains water got cut off, I knew I could hydrate enough from what I learned during my urine-recycling phase in the 2010s.

*

The following weeks were a parade of global disasters. News from some countries only arrived in person. Some countries we still haven't heard from. (Sorry New Zealand, you're not on any map now...)

But I felt alone. I hadn't seen my neighbours for weeks. It became clear they were all succumbing to a strange sickness, either radiation or something in the noxious London air.

I knew I had to get out. There was a wellness retreat in Kent where I'd done a crystal reiki workshop a few years earlier. I knew it was a safe space.

I packed my stuff and hit the road.

Sure enough, two dozen women were already there. Most of them had found their Feminine Wealth Embodiment course unexpectedly extended.

They all knew me because they followed my channel. And I saw immediately why we had all survived. We all glowed.

To be precise: Eternelle Glo'd.

They were all using the supplement I had shared with the world. Whatever was in it had protected us.

*

Our little community grew. Models and influencers, homeopaths, tantrists, vegans, we were the only ones left walking the Earth.

Years of meditation and mindfulness had inured us to the mental challenges of post-civilization. Years of water fasting and starvation diets had trained us for scarcity.

We knew how to cleanse the toxins from our bodies. Dry brushing and micro-needling are great for surface isotopes. We kept our insides in check with activated charcoal capsules, glycerol neti pot rinses, ipecac purges and caffeine enemas.

We adapted our workshops to the new realities. Gasmask breathwork keeps out the anxiety and the isotopes. Quantum biofield energy healing protects us from the solar energy penetrating the collapsing ionosphere.

Among our number were specialists in fungi – one of the few edible cultivars which survived because their mycelium live underground. Tinctures made of truffles and root vegetable were like condensed superfoods. Witchcraft and bushcraft became core survival skills.

And it turned out that all fashion after the crash was upcycled cottagecore.

*

One day we spotted a hot air balloon on the horizon. As it descended into the paddock, I recognised the face of the pilot immediately.

For the last year I had known her as 'Doctor Hilary Zachariah'. But today she told us her real name: Gwyneth.

She knew she wouldn't be taken seriously with her real name. But she'd been right all along.

She explained that Eternelle toughened our mitochondria. The telomere tips of our chromosomes, which break and fray as we all get older, had been turned into the genetic equivalent of reinforced steel.

We were, to all intents and purposes, immortal – barring major physical trauma.

*

Now, for me, the key thing is to keep spreading the message.

TikTok and Insta and BlueSky are all gone. But I have real platforms now, made of planks and crates.

Some days, I catch myself in the mirror, crossing my heels and jutting my hip for the perfect profile. Because I know there's others out there, potential viewers, potential followers.

Everyone needs something to subscribe to.

Everyone needs someone to tell them about their supplements.

Because trust me: I've tried them and they work.