satire

Workplace satire, comedy, and all things satirical in the Journal corporate culture digital space.

Working Hell to Five
There were a couple of perks when it came to working for the Corporate Headquarters of Hell, in Dio’s opinion. First being, it was always extremely warm inside of the office building. No matter what the weather may be like outside, inside of the office was always heated to a cozy 80 degrees Fahrenheit. This was extremely to Dio’s liking, as his favorite feature about himself was undoubtedly his legs, and 80 degrees was the perfect temperature for wearing shorts. Secondly, (some other demons might have this listed as a negative), was that Dolly Parton’s hit song “9-5” constantly played on repeat in the background over the corporate intercom. Personally, Dio found it extremely invigorating to listen about “climbing the corporate ladder” and “fighting the man” while slowly plunking away at his emails. It was during Dolly’s refrain of “I swear sometimes that man is out to get me” one morning that Dio received an email from his upper manager, Belphagor, marked URGENT: JOB PENDING. Seeing as the last time he had checked, Dio did have a job and it was with the Plague Division (under the Chaos Branch of Hell), he found the title of the email to be extremely unnerving.
By Kat5 years ago in Journal
Terms of Service
“Thea, Ansen, Bracken! I’ve got another one that needs your help!” Darcy Coles clicked and hung up the speakerphone at her desk. TalkBox Media Group owned the entire third floor of a reclaimed lumber house between Seattle and Portland. Urban hipster meets forest chic was on-brand for them. Darcy was training as their first full-time tech support staff and it was a challenging first day.
By Horace Wheatley5 years ago in Journal
Headlines, Yes...But--
Once upon a time, many moons ago, I took a Journalism class. Yes, I did. It’s true. It was taught by Bill Duncan at Green River High School, if you care. He taught me a lot, but one lesson has stood out in my memory all these years, and it was all about the importance of a good headline. (Credit where credit is due–Thanks, Mr. Duncan!)
By Paula Shablo5 years ago in Journal
6 reasons why it sucks to be a writer
My, oh my, why couldn’t I be an accountant? or a banker? … or a freaking lawyer? My last 3 posts on Vocal are all about how thanks to falling in love, becoming an immigrant and COVID-19 I re-discovered myself as a writer. However, I'd say that for a long time I was afraid to even call myself one because I was too scared of what people will think. Why? Let's be honest, being a writer or any kind of artist doesn't necessarily mean that you have a job. It just means that for some unknown reason you love sharing your mind and soul with the rest of the world and hope to get money from it.
By Martyna Dearing5 years ago in Journal
Vocal Virgin
So this is it. This is my chance to get things out of my brain and ultimately, infecting yours instead. You're welcome. I do not have a genre. I write what comes to mind. Sometimes I journal. Sometimes I create short stories. My short stories might be created for a young audience or a mature audience. It just depends on my mood. I also will write in first-person viewpoint and third person. So you can’t really take me too seriously. It could be a total work of fiction even though I am using “I” and “me”.
By Kat MayKnow5 years ago in Journal
Jim
Every prolific story starts with some words. Every story of any kind starts with words in fact. One day three letters of the alphabet, I, J and M congregated together in a bureaucratic board meeting to deliberate on something very important. That important thing was the following question.
By Caleb Mitchell5 years ago in Journal
Content Spew from a Disillusioned Twenty-Something
Some background. I’m Steven. Hello. I graduated this past May from Susquehanna University with a degree in Creative Writing and Theatre Studies, into a decimated job market and $20k in debt. As my degree might hint at, I write. Plays, mostly. Some essays. Some short stories. The beginnings of novels. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the job market right now, I fear my degrees in the creative field might not be as lucrative as I led myself to believe.
By Steven Christopher McKnight5 years ago in Journal
Need to Boost Your Sales Numbers? Introducing: Unclench, the Corporate Workshop
Hey, corporate losers! Does your sales team have a chronic stick up its collective butt? Are you losing leads because your team is full of ugly creeps?
By Eve Berkovich6 years ago in Journal
Suggestions For a Better Workplace and Worldwide Corporate Community
Want your creative juices to flow through your workplace like the blood through a corporate behemoth (or the river of slime flowing under NYC in Ghostbusters 2)? Well, I have a slew of handy pointers to lob at you like so many grenades of efficiency and guidance. Before I begin, know this: My first two points are for the Elite members of society, so normal people should just skip these suggestions. That's right, scroll past them...nothing to see here, folks!
By Wade Wainio6 years ago in Journal
A Whole New Roach
So, I have already mentioned that I work for a hotel in my first published story, "Work Related Stress". Having said that, if you have already read it then you know I am not in the most comfortable position.
By Must Love Dogs 6 years ago in Journal
Walmart Owners Offer Employees 3% Discount On “Dumpster Diving Classes”
“Times are tough. Everybody knows that. I mean I think I heard that somewhere or something.” Ronnie Walton, one of the heirs to the Walmart fortune said Friday at a press conference called by the $130 Billion dollar Waltons, owners of Walmart. The U.S.’s largest employer is set to roll out a new plan to help Walmart employees with their household budgets.
By Diane Randle6 years ago in Journal
Do You Guru? 3 Secrets to Unlock/Reach/Master Etc Etc Etc
EXCLUSIVE OFFER: Only for people that have a social media account (or a pulse). I swear half my emails/messages start with "your photo/video/profile has been chosen/shortlisted/nominated/picked for blah blah blah"... Or I've become eligible to learn some of your "secrets you've learnt" via some all-enlightening epiphany you had one day.
By john harrison7 years ago in Journal