satire
Workplace satire, comedy, and all things satirical in the Journal corporate culture digital space.
Stop Hiring Like This Isn't A Talent Crisis
How do they hire thee? Let us count the ways. Reeling from the double-barrelled aftershocks of the global health crisis (which is still ongoing, but we're all supposed to quietly ignore it apparently) and the long-overdue Great Resignation, businesses today are hurrying to fill positions from fry-cooks to financial advisors.
By Tony White4 years ago in Journal
Writing Challenge
Author's Preface: You know I love you Vocal.media. I kid because I love. Because I love to make you face up to the terrible example you have set for all writers and lovers of free expression with your awful censorship policies. And because I love to point out how your publishing "rules" are ridiculous and absurd, and how your writing challenges are totally bereft of creativity or originality. But also because I love. lol!
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
8 Lessons from a 3-Figure Writer
It’s already tomorrow somewhere in the world. Maybe that’s why the future feels like it is already here. Do you have questions about the future? Who doesn’t, right? The future is big and scary and always seemingly just out of reach. Then suddenly before you know it you are there, and it’s the present and then not a shortest measurable moment of time later it’s the past already. WTF? That sure was fast. But the future is still out there staring you in the face, laughing at you, calling you a big baby and asking you what’s taking so long. F-you future is what I always say.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
How Long Does it Take to Shave a Mouse?
When you are a nerd like myself, you have a whole bunch of (more accurately 1 or 2) nerd friends. Occasionally these nerd friends hit you up for advice, or ideas, or just to say hello, or to update you on all the nerdy things they have been up to since the last time you nerded out together. Sometimes these nerd contacts take a form that borders on the bizarre. Case in point the latest missive I received by text message from my nerd micro/macro biologist friend Sam (not her real name). Sam works in some sort of high(ish) level biosecurity position somewhere and for some entity that she refuses to elaborate on no matter how hard I push. Keep in mind I had not heard a peep from Sam in close to a year. Not one single phone call, or email, or text message. Complete and total silence for 1 full year. Until today when, out of the blue, I received the following message “Do you have any idea how long it might take to shave 30 mice?” Short answer, no. Also the long answer.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
Why I Stayed In My Run of the Mill Science Job and Wrote This Article
Why I Left My Big Fancy Tech Job and Wrote a Book - I love Silicon Valley, but it’s deeply flawed Several years ago, I was sitting in the audience at a big science conference learning about some new approach for detecting foodborne pathogens. The speaker gave a really nice presentation and I found the entire talk fascinating. The whole conference was filled with wonderful discussions, new technologies, and I had a really great three days.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
What do you do?
Here we go. INT. RESTAURANT. LIVERPOOL. EVENING. KATE (27) leans on the brass bar. She raises her leg and holds her ankle, gently rotating it. She places her foot back on the floor but remains on her toes. She dusts her hand on her apron. There is a cold, wet gravy stain. KATE (dry heave) (deep sigh) Oh, that is just great Kate grabs a napkin and wipes the apron and hand. EMILY (20) walks towards Kate, her feet turned out pounding the tiled floored with some authority. KATE (continued) (muttered) and it's on my shirt. EMILY That's one good thing about the waistcoat, it doesn't stain the white. She pulls at the grey, faux tweed article of tired clothing and then nudges Kate's elbow. EMILY (continued) You need to stop leaning? KATE (dull, sarcastic) Yes, head waitress. EMILY We need you to come in earlier tomorrow. KATE I can't, I'm freelancing. EMILY Oh right, yes. I forgot. Emily adjusts her position, she tilts her head. Her voice adjusts in pitch. Raised higher than normal. EMILY (continued) Right, and what is it that you do again? KATE I'm a picture researcher. (Tired) I work in... EMILY (Sharp) Never heard of it. Well what time can you get in for?
By Kate Finnerty4 years ago in Journal
Vocal Writing Challenges
About this challenge Welcome to Vocal's Summer Fiction Series Let's Be Honest Edition! This series is comprised of eight short fiction Challenges ranging in length from one week to eight weeks long. If you know why the word "Challenges" was capitalized in the previous sentence, you definitely should enter. If not, congratulations you are like 99.9% of the writers on this site, and 99.99% of the general population. Bonus points if you know why we wrote out "from one week to eight weeks long" instead of just saying "from one to eight weeks long" like most writing schmucks without a degree in English from an accredited 4 year college would. Each prompt is inspired by a different book from a traditional (upper middle class white suburban) summer reading list (but not summer school, only dummies or troublemakers had to go to summer school), full of the classics (yawn) that so many of us (who work as part of the editorial and/or reviewing/censorship staff here at Vocal.media) read and reread throughout childhood and adolescence to prepare for the school year ahead, or to makeup for the fact that we did not read them during the previous school year when they were actually assigned. We'll start with childhood classics like Matilda and Charlotte's Web, and work our way up through those (upper middle class white suburban) high school staples like Catcher in the Rye and The Bluest Eye. It’s a little nostalgia, a whole lot of creativity, and a crap ton of shitty writing.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
