Memories: 9 August 2025

9 August 2025

9 August 2024

7:22 am. Awake. A better night. Only got up twice. (Around 2 am then again at dawn). Pretty good especially after wrangling with two Optus reps like two giant serpents flying around my head and the distress of those two parking infringement notices from the same day. Farrrrkkkk.

I got to thinking upon awakening how July was such an astonishing month (except for the evil of the two parking fines from 19 July).

I started cpap on 4 July. Another healing modality that will take time to adjust to (6-12 months before I will know if it works on me!)

Then the beautiful gift of Juddy putting his guitar into my arms and saying “You’re in the band now, Tanya” on 5th July. Then almost dying again, (so boring!) on the night of 10th/11th July as my lungs shut down during the night with my cpap mask and congestion). (Don’t ask me how I do it?!)

Swiftly followed the very next night by that astonishing fight on 12/13th July with two trolling vicious young women (and me being forgiven my rage and reactivity!) Again confirmation and validation of how much I am loved and protected and included in the Club!

Then the worrying news on 20th July (at the end of the gig, that Juddy needs chemotherapy and has to go into semi retirement). Then we All surfed that vibe and fought off the demons of fear and dis-ease at the “Juddfest” on 25th July which was fucking AMAZING as we poured so much powerful healing positive energy into that space and into our wonderful friend. I was back on Friday for Alter Egos as well on 26th.

Then my sweet romantic declaration after another amazingly powerful love infused night on 2/3 August. Oh my. Mama T was riding high in all her meridians. Grateful and happy and scintillatingly Alive. But she got smited with immune system collapse by Sunday 4th August and then all the weirdness with Optus for the past 4 days and the parking fines yesterday.

So what shall she do? What she always does! Just keep moving through Life by dancing her joy, defiance, freedom and casting off the putrescence and the horror and owning her own inner Light, her inner Boudiccea, her gifts and shining ever brighter the more “they”, the negative ones try to “smite” her.

It’s what I do best. Thrive in the psychedelic dreaming. Casting out the demons of despair, fear and atrophy and just keep dancing. 🙂

We are gonna be okay. All of us. If BCC won’t do the right thing by me, I will pay that $644 off on SPER. It will sting but I will survive.

If men won’t do right by me…I will dance to my own immolation and then some...Babies, and I will haunt your minds and souls for eternity. Those that love me and treat me with kindness shall be always blessed and filled with such joy and light.

We’ve fought to be in each others’ lives for decades. We know our own (and each others!) powers. When we struggle with life’s vicissitudes and cruelties… we Rise and Shine.

We are powerful beyond all mortal ken. We continuously choose Life…and Love. We are Amazing magickal Souls. We are Guides, Protectors, Spirit Warriors, Muses and Wayshowers. Friends, Lovers, Countrymen. Humans in perfected pristine powerful potency. I honour you.

Thank you for your deep healing wise Love. Even the young Optus lass “Erika” who did not want to see Mama T ripped off and sold off or whatever that recent snakepit wrangling was about. She wanted me safe. A sweetness.

She fought hard and I grew ever more confused. Eventually I said in a tiny worn out voice “I hope I can trust you both”. It was chilling. Me, moving out of full functioning into a broken down childlike state. Mama T/The Tanya/Miss Five knows how epically fucking untrustworthy globalist corporations or other meritocracies can be!

Trust. Is a gift I do not hand over easily. It has to be earned, often on the ground zero of some horrific ignoble event so I can see with my own eyes who really loves me…or if not love…is doing right by me.

Hence the extremely weird but astonishing and lovely events of the past month. Showing me true hearts and minds. May I always merit your deep love, recognition, honour and integrity. Hold the line, Babies. We got this!

9 August 2023

1:11 am. Make a wish. But only if you want to. :-)

…

11:11 am. The angels are busy…I am seen, heard, and protected. Yes I am. It is truly an unmeritorious act to fuck with The Tanya who lives her life with integrity, courage and as much joy as I can muster after the shitfuckery of the last 58 years.

Joy scares the “powers that be”. They want you evacuated out of your own corpus, dead inside, numbed out, dumbed out and compliant and pliable like play doh, so they can control and manipulate you.

They want you dressed in beige or grey, your houses soulless soylent green vessels of grey. They want you vapid and vacuous and unable to critically think for yourself and so immobilised that you can no longer have the gumption to fight for yourself or protect others.

They want you marginalised and isolated and they will slander you to achieve that aim. Be careful what deceptions you subscribe to. It’s all lies or misinformation. It’s how they tricked you into the recent fiasco of four years. Their psychological warfare operations will only intensify. It’s why “they” harassed me out of the casino.

It’s designed to terrify and mortify. Watching them pick us off like fleas on their monkey suit. They don’t realise that fleas, bite back.

It’s a deliberate soul death which they will need to amplify to your actual physical death as well.

Death comes to us all eventually…but this seeding of despair and soulless carrion feeding atrophy will bring no human any good.

Wear colour! Stand in your own Light! Stare down the oppressors! They are few…we are many!

Arise and shine. Hold True. Steer a steady course.

When your Death comes, let it be after a life fulfilled and decent and loving and glorious. When you enter in peace, let it be because you rode through life courageously and danced, sang, played, created and gifted fruits of life-affirming wisdom, but also kindness and sweetness.

The rest is a giant freak show and a cosplay.

…

1:11 pm. Here we go again. My angels are driving home the synchronicities. Be alert and aware. Something is shifting. (Beyond my dog’s awful death and the viciousness at the casino!) I am being shown that they are with me.

“‘Never drive/fly faster than your angels’. Remain humble. Knowing the higher dimensions are guarding you and surrounding you in love: morning, noon and night”.

Yeah great. But that does not give me back my beautiful dog. I have to wait to join him in the next dimension. And by then he may have evolved to another corner of the cosmos.

“Fear not Tanya. Your love will help him find you, anywhere, in any form”.

Aight! Real love is precious. It’s price is far beyond rubies. He is mine and I am his, my scrappy little boy dog and all my other beloved pets/friends/lovers who passed over. He will be surrounded by all that love.

I need fear nothing and no one.

…

11:27 pm Today has been an extraordinary day. I left my psychiatrist’s office and driving out of his car park, entering Kessels Road, a huge truck without any warning, moved into my lane almost slamming into me. He indicated after he had already manoeuvred the truck into my lane. I literally could have died. I hit the brakes and he pulled in front of me. I was so furious but also shocked.

I drove to Garden City, had a late lunch. Looked around the shops there. Then the unusual thing was, I was exiting The Reject Shop and a most unusual man wearing a big leather western hat and a cream colour sleeveless cotton tunic that said “Om” on it, walked right up to me and said he loved my necklaces, especially the one with the tree of life and the skulls.

He also admired the Egyptian one and the pendant I had made a few months ago. I had layered the three necklaces together. I was also wearing my “Deify” t shirt and my beautiful purple silk sari wrapover skirt.

The man named Cedric and I got talking and he invited me back to his home nearby. (Actually he asked for a lift home then offered to make me a cup of tea). We had walked around Garden City together and he seemed safe. So very uncharacteristically, I went to his home at a caravan park nearby in Holmead Street.

He was a perfect gentleman. He made me peppermint tea and had bought me a Turkish delight chocolate which I shared with him to go with our tea. He was a priest in the Native American religion (Cherokee) although he is white Australian. He showed me lots of photos of him wearing Native American regalia that he made himself from buckskins and sinew.

He also said he was interested in bush tucker (aboriginal wild foods) and he goes gold prospecting but as he doesn’t have a car or drive he is limited to travelling for that.

I told him I’d be interested in gold panning but just for a day trip somewhere as I don’t do camping.

We hung out for hours. Mainly because he kept bringing more albums and books out to show me all his spiritual stuff which was interesting. He said he rarely meets anyone that is on the same page as him. I told him it was all very interesting.

I finally left his place around 8:30 pm. I was exhausted. But it was nice to make a new friend and I told him I have trauma issues and going to his home was completely out of character for me. But I guess after being kicked out of my dance space on Saturday, losing my beautiful soulmate, my dog Beauregard, then this afternoon almost being crushed by a speeding arsehole truck driver then after meeting this kind man, I felt I had nothing much left to lose!

Cedric wants me to meet him at the Mt Gravatt markets on Sunday morning. I took his phone number. I will think about it.

He also wanted me to come with him tomorrow to look at the op shops in Stones Corner and Mt Gravatt. But I have Ratih coming to clean tomorrow and frankly I didn’t want to be too amenable.

Crystal and Jarrod went to Mt Tambourine today. Crystal invited me only an hour before I was due for my psych appointment. So I could not go. Hmmm.

9 August 2022

The “Ein Sof” chariot of The Tanya and her belligerent Angels…is Clean!

…

So I was talking to Lyn on the phone, telling her how spirit or an Angel was “yelling” at me last night to wash my car. I said “Why are they worried about that so much? The car paint has all crazed and is damaged…like…what’s the point and all the pressure?”

She replied that it’s because they want to see me taking care of all the small things as well as the big curve balls they throw my way. They want to build a trusting relationship that when they tell me things I will act on their instructions in perfect faith that it’s for my highest good!

She reminded of the many years when mediums would tell me of their frustration (the angels and spirits!) because I literally could not “hear” them. I said “No, because I was too traumatised and macked out on psych meds to barely think in full sentences, never mind take instructions from unseen entities”.

In fact I shut it down for a very long time after my first real bout of clairvoyance seeped through the psych meds fog and I had a vision while davening in shule and advised my Rabbi that he would be maligned and betrayed by his own peers at a Moetzah meeting and he became so weirded out and hostile after that vision coming true only a few weeks later, that he barely spoke to me again, so ended our friendship.

Which hurt! It still hurts. That vision was gifted to me for his protection and if he was too stupid or arrogant to see that then…psy sighs…not my circus, not my monkeys.

So I shut it all down…to my own detriment.

Now when my angels treat me like a servile automaton and ORDER me to wash my car it fills me with suspicion. But I myself said in my own video only yesterday that it does not bode well to trivialise or ignore or dishonour the Angels!

So today the car gets washed! I will follow ONLY the orders of the Most High. The rest can whistle Dixie in a small corner of hell somewhere!

Lol!

…

FFS that Crush song is running through my head again. “Let’s not overanalyze don’t go too deep with it baby!”

Is that the message?! Go away cryptic trickster spirits. Mama T ain’t got no time for bullshit!

9 August 2021

9 August 2020

I pulled out my old Royal Doulton and other chipped and cracked cheap bowls. Replaced it with my mother’s German China which I finally dragged out of storage.

I had a funny turn after putting it in my cupboard. But waste not, want not. It’s perfectly good China and not as scratched as my stuff which has been in daily use for 30 years!

It blew my mind how my mother’s energy can still swamp me though. I ate a piece of toast with Brie, thinking the funny turn was hunger. But no…I still feel a bit faint.

But I am sick of clutter and unused china lying around. So this is a huge change for me to actually use the old stuff from Mum that I have had here for 12 years. (I was waiting for Godot and my stuff to get worn out). So today is the day...use it or lose it!

I am moving the antique china cabinet into the lounge too. (Decluttering my beleaguered bedroom!)

…

…

Watching 9/11 : 102 minutes that changed America. Harrowing. I started having hysterical Conversions ie seizures after 9/11 as I had already been fighting my own domestic terrorism orchestrated by the Gisela/Buck/ Terry/David/Gila franchise with no support from police or government.

Seeing 9/11 catalysed me into finally moving the hell away from my mother’s house in Loganlea and going into hiding. But not far enough. Never mind... I am safer now.

Enjoying my government housing commission home that so many scorn (fuck them!) and my mother and my own remaining trinkets!

Pity I don’t have extra cash flow but all Good. I have existed on barely enough for decades. I am alive when so many are not. I get a million chances to improve my life when many had their lives snuffed out that day. Also the many terrorist attacks and wars and skirmishes that followed that awful day.

Hell, I don’t even know why I am alive. It’s nothing short of miraculous and a tad astounding given how many men (manipulated by my own mother!) actively tried to kill me.

So here I am: sei gesund. Even in a time of plague. It’s incomprehensible: this strange strange epoch and my weird life!

…

9 August 2018

9 August 2017

Just twisted my back by bending over too quickly to pick something up off the floor. Ridiculous!

On a brighter note, it is a gorgeous day and my hair still looks good after Kylie's efforts yesterday!

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Had to go back to bed. In a lot of pain. Took 2 panadols. Grrrr. Another waste of a beautiful day. My body hates me! I woke up feeling ok, bent over the sink "snap". It's a bit scary.

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On Monday when Jarrod visited I decided to burn a lock of my mother's hair that I had kept precious (sentimental fool!) in a trinket box for the past 7 years and 5 months.

The hair lock had been foisted upon me by that awful Morton Bay Nursing Care unit. They had insisted I keep it as a souvenir of my dead mother.

Anyway I pulled out my incense burning pot and lit a match to the beautiful shiny and rather healthy looking silver lock of hair that was bound prettily with a maroon ribbon.

Well can you imagine my horror when the hair did not singe and disintegrate like natural Hair but melted?! Fucking melted like nylon or plastic. It smelt like burning hair so some real hair must have been amongst it but when it melted, it melted into the shape of a 1920's German cartoon character my mother had been fond of. I showed it to Jarrod. The molten thing looked like a black cat!

Not. Even.My.Mother's. Hair. I feel cheated and made a fool of, by that awful dementia unit. They must have kept a wig for that purpose of gifting family with locks of dead relatives' hair. Utterly ghastly!

We buried the charred remains of the wiglet under Mum's memorial chair. It seemed the right place to put it.

Now I just wish she would move on into the Light and leave me alone.

…

9 August 2016

4 hours sleep. Now wide awake but exhausted. The sunrise is red! Sailors warning! Time to dive back under the doona and meld my subconscious back into the ether. Dream a little dream of me, for me and rest my brain!

I have been more fatigued than ever since last August when I decided to experiment with death (tipped over the edge by systemic abuse). It was a horrible 4 months of 2015 and this year, another horrid 4 months fighting off a bad asthma/bronchitis which I am yet to fully recover from.

But here I am, a survivor and an almost (on weekends!) Thriver. New tentative spiritual growth. Reaching onwards and upwards like a gnarly old tree, bits of my essence struck by lightning so burnt and broken off but from desolation, beautiful things grow.

Older, wiser but still aware of how much I have to overcome but impressed with how far I have come in this highway to hellish heavens, stretching myself into the sunshine of my eternity. Blossoming.

…

I am sick with allergies. Stuffy runny nose. Again! Fuck it!

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We, the Beau and I, have been to the dog park. He behaved badly. Made De Mama fetch the ball (funny twisted guy!) then started attacking new puppies. So I took him home.

He tried to kill Tabitha who I found in shock but not too badly injured so I wrapped her in a towel and gave her honey, cuddled her then set her in her nest. She recovered quickly.

He got to her while I was distracted watering the front garden. The 3 new hens peck at his face so he mostly leaves them alone but my other 3 are lovers not fighters. I will have to get organised soon.

I spent the lovely weather of the afternoon, cleaning out the filters in the fishponds and topping them up. I also filled up the water reservoir in my car and gave it a hosing. I must give it a proper wash soon. Also a service.

Today I organised a direct debit with Qld Transport to pay my rego 3 monthly. It comes out on 25th August so I will have to budget carefully next Tuesday so there are enough funds in my account. But it will be a relief to not have to rely on friends to advance me the rego money then pay them back 2 months later when my pension advance comes through. I hate being a burden.

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Another power outage. Averaging one every 2 or 3 nights. Shitty Energex and their power board up the street that makes a huge bang and scares the neighbourhood plus my dog!

9 August 2015

Hormones!!!! Banana Muffins in the oven (mysteriously the mix only makes 5 but it is a 6-cup tin). Even more mysteriously is that I now care about that shit! G-d help me!

Orange poppy seed cake about to be made! Then I will eat cake and sleep until my hair appointment tomorrow.

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Penny is very smoochy tonight. This is because it is cold. I held her in my arms and said "Penny, do ya love Mum?" She turned her head to face me, stared into my soul and commenced an almost sarcastic purr. Yup! She loves me. For my body heat.

…

Last night I rocked out. All night long. I was esctatic in my frenzy. I witnessed a tiny Asian lady, my age, get kicked up the arse twice, by some feral fat festy Aussie male that had tried to pester me (I had ignored the creep). So he took his rage and sexual frustration out on someone tiny. My blood boiled over. If he had done that to me I would have bashed him!

I told security. They threw him out. Vile man! I spoke to the lady. I said "Never let a man do that to you again. Any man, anywhere. If they get away with treating you like that, they think they can do that to every other woman!" She nodded, thanked me for telling security.

It made me even angrier that although she was upset about being kicked, she was scared to tell security herself. She was lucky that I eye-witnessed her assault and that I reported it.

Apart from that vileness, I had a lovely time dancing with my lovely ladies, and some nice men. Although one showed up and was flirting with me which pissed me off as his wife is in Romania. He is a Kiwi. I said "Don't flirt!" He laughed. He said, “I just love dancing”.

Nah uh fool. He was flirting. When I left at 4 am he was working the asian ladies. But that was ok as the lady he was working on is savvy and she shot me a look. She had already observed my discomfort with him gaslighting me.

I like him. He is fun to dance with. But he is not trustworthy. Phew! Lucky escape! Mind you I hit him with a hammer. I made sure my friends knew he is married.

He said "You dobbed on me!" I said "Yup, damn straight I did!" As if I am going to let him seduce women I like and dance with every weekend, while he pretends he is single! What a shithead!

Now if they know he is married and one of them still goes for it, that is by choice. They would know the situation is muddy.

I just hate how some people lie and use and abuse their way through life and expect to be protected. Especially men who use the fact we are both NZers as some kind of cover-my-back-I-am-a-countryman bullshit scenario.

My loyalty is to myself. Then other women. Sociopathic men will never have my loyalty or respect. Cunt tree men included.

…

Meanwhile apropo of No Thing (Shakespearean english for vagina ) I am still single and probably will be until I die.

It is not so bad. The more I dance and the more evil shenanigans disguised as drunken revelry to mask really shitty behaviours, the more content I am to be alone.

My life is awesome! :-)

9 August 2014

5.10 am Home safe after an awesome night celebrating Shauna's birthday! Woot! Footsore, exhausted but happy.

9 August 2013

Watching Vikings. Loving it (and them lol).

9 August 2010

If I work hard one day, I sleep for the next 2 or 3 days. It's nice to have energy and accomplish what I need to do but do I have to pay for it for days after? Oy!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons