Memories: 8 August 2025

8 August 2025

8:15 am I wake up, feeling like hell. The My lungs are aching. It’s a murky rainy morning. Dirty grey skies. Sullen like my chest. Day 12 of sickness. Far out! But I heard little Beau singing lustily in his cage. A happy Beau! So I might as well be happy too. In sickness or in health. It’s a choice.

For the second night in a row, somewhere around 4 am I had a “vision” of being on a lateral field of dimensionality. A sea of blackness washed over my body as I lay in bed. A soul transfer. I wasn’t afraid but wondered if I had actually died and been brought back again.

So I expect some rather strange events or moods to arise in my consciousness in the coming days or weeks. I have been “upgraded”. Someone wants me here. Fights for me daily (and nightly). Frankly it’s exhausting. But I haven’t any say in the matter.

I am cast back to Earth each morning. That first conscious breath upon awakening feels arduous but defiant. Mama T ain’t who she used to be. Too much ghastly horror in recent months but….I will overcome. I always do. It just takes a bit of recalibrating after an illness like this one, which has affected my upper respiratory tract, my oesophagus and stomach (no appetite, eating feels precarious!)

It’s how I know I am in danger. When the fuck have I ever had difficulty enjoying food? That actually scares me more than my papery whispy wheezy lungs. I have never had issues with eating before.

Anyway, here I go…another day in paradise/planet hellscape according to my moods or whatever life throws at my feet.

Surprise me! :-)

8 August 2024

7:51 am feeling less obliterated as I only had to pee 4 times last night. An improvement. Gahhh. But getting better. Thank the gods and my own indomitable will. Chest less congested too. Adjusting to new cpap device. Onwards and upwards, Babies 🙂

…

It was the best of times…it was the worst of times…it was the war between two departments of the same telephony company, one of which needed canceling and wanting to bill me $468 for the new modem (that didn’t work!)

Then there were constant reassurances that I did not need to return the modem (WTF?!) then at the end of an hour of negotiations between both departments they tell me I better return it anyway, just to be sure I don’t get billed for it but if I don’t the fee will be waived.

It went around in circles until I wondered if this was a circus or a dementia test or an alien invasion psychological operative game and if after all is said and done the hoomans really are all dead?!

So I snapped and said “our realities are not in alignment and if your reality does not align with my reality then someone is going to go insane and it won’t be me!” to which they giggled and replied that the call was being recorded and monitored and they agree that everything is above board and all is being monitored and handled etc etc.

Anyway, upshot is…I get cheaper nbn, the 5g modem “extortion racket” is cancelled (they failed to tell me there would be a $468 fee for the modem!) which is why the nbn rep went into bat for me (lovely girl!) The modem will be returned tomorrow by me, so I can put an end to this entire insane debacle.

Alls well that ends well…am I right?! Nervously I await the next meshugass. If I have any more nonsense then I will have to involve the ombudsman.

Today I also received two parking fine infringements for the night of 19th July 2024 which seem utterly bogus but that is also being disputed by me. To the tune of $644 @ $322 each.

So today has been a very strange day indeed. Hold onto my horses, Honeys …Mustang Kwe will be riding through with Boudiccea at her back. Bejaysus.

8 August 2023

https://youtu.be/HZBUpEfMEZw

“Defy Death No More”.

8 August 2022

…

FFS that Crush song is running through my head again. “Let’s not overanalyze, don’t go too deep with it, Baby!”

Is that the message?! Go away, cryptic trickster spirits. Mama T ain’t got no time for bullshit!

…

Today has been lovely but intensely spiritual! I spent the evening making apple pie filling then making apple pies in my pie maker.

Halfway through doing that, I had some intense connections that led to inspirations. Hmmm. So on went music and Bobo and I snuggled while I ate my pies, drank tea and as sang along to rock songs. I also did a few loads of washing then hung them out in the crisp, cold night air.

The moon was half full so the backyard was brightly lit. Spirit was telling me some strange epiphanies and I burst out laughing but I can’t quite remember what it was now. Hopefully I remember later, as it was hilarious.

Anyway I feel the hunkering salivating psychic vampirising black dog got chased away this evening. It’s so good to feel this good again, after the past week of oppression that was starting to ooze and seep and seethe like lava under a brittle mantle crust. Move along…nothing to see here.

Something is shifting. Hallelujah. I was seriously considering black salting my entire property! Now I may not need to 🙂

…

Lmao!!! I just got told “You need to wash your damn car” I reply “Yeah…I know, it’s very dirty! It’s on the agenda soon!” (I also need to buy new wiper blades ffs!)

The energy practically yells back at me “Thou shalt not sully God’s name!” I nod…but it’s not my fault that Mazda (Ahura! of the Zoroastrian gods!) sold me a chariot of the gods after my long evil protracted will dispute battle…with a number plate called Ein Sof!

I mean, just because I was humiliated in Kabbalah classes by that fat putrid festy old man and his unworthy (now dead) henchman does Kabbalah need to be another torture device?!

Okay, okay… I will find a car wash soon. Please don’t smite me or spite me. Hashem! Genug already!

….

Thanks for the inspiration, my angels…having the best time singing karaoke with my dog! 🙂

We sang “Werewolves of London”. I tried to get him to howl with me but the little buggar only does that for cops!

But he snuggled in while Mama T howled. So I forgive him!

8 August 2021

8 August 2020

Feeling unwell again today. It’s interminable. I hope it’s not Terminal. But smoky ends of burnt out days makes The Tanya maudlin and crave the man she loves like a drug.

I had to smack that down by taking the dog and bird for a walk then rush back to the loo. Gahhh.

Now weak and besotted with my coagulated duct taped heart and quivering digestive system.

To be frank... I can’t go on like this much longer ...but that has been my swan song for 55 years. So that means...I actually can and will, if only by my own willpower alone.

8 August 2019

I had a little burst of energy so went out and dug a hole (nearly blacked out from my recalcitrant lungs that hate any physical labour involving bending down or over!) but persevered albeit slowly with lots of intentional breathing as my heart felt like it might explode in my chest and I was seeing stars.

But... Mama T planted that dwarf lemon that is full of flowers (but will probably drop most of them from the shock of being moved into the ground) and deserves to put down long safe roots deep into the earth. I hope it thrives where I put it next to the guava tree. That is, I hope guavas and lemons are not sworn enemies.

I also planted out my dahlia bulbs that did nothing last year as they don’t enjoy being in pots either. So I hope to get some pleasant surprise come late spring or summer.

Tomorrow I will plant a pomegranate somewhere as that one is also struggling in the pot. It grew from a seed from the one in the garden so it might do better once I plant it out.

I have watered everything in and am now back inside to rest some more.

…

8 August 2018

Magical bright blessed day! Finally out of bed. Washed my hair in the laundry tub. (Quicker, as I did not feel like a shower!)

I can feel the resurgent openings and spiraling epiphanies from the Lions gate. Let’s hope it brings us all our deepest most heartfelt desires (with harm to none!). A little disclaimer there.

I don’t want the crumbs from another’s silvery tongued plate nor to be rent asunder by the forked tongued plunder. Let what is truly meant to be for my highest good and greatest bliss and truest love come to me in freedom of choice. With blessing and abundance and loving kindness. Amen

…

I just had a bad attack of indigestion. I won’t go into details (ew!) but the pain is incredible. I was praying not to die!

Anyway, waiting for the next wave of agony as it can take a while to ease. Sipping warm water with bicarbonate and hoping it settles soon.

8 August 2017

I am very grateful for my friend Jarrod who knows me fully and completely. His loyalty is unquestioned. He knows what my buttons are and what not to push (lol) but he knows what makes me tick and what I am passionately insanely obsessed about.

He has listened to me tell and retell painful stories of my life many times and never judged me harshfully or lost faith in my ability to grow and heal and get up again.

Every woman (and man) should have such a brave and beautiful friend. He knows me better than even my daughters.

He supported me through a gruelling divorce, deaths of several of my parents and a few too many relationship breakups and various breakdowns.

He is a truly Good Man. A genuinely loving man and if G-d had ever sent me an angel then Jarrod was him.

I love you, my friend. :-)

…

8 August 2016

Today I woke up happy, in spite of my exhaustion. It was lovely to see Ashleigh and Chloe last night. We Skyped Crystal together. It was just like old times.

I have had a much nicer week last week, emotionally. Hopefully the last shreds of old skin are leaving me for my springtime renewal! Squeezing out of an old paradigm and into a new one is always turbulent. But what butterflies must fly!

Surrounded by love and caring and beautiful friends. Just wonderful.

…

Today I received a book in the mail from a woman author named Joan Beveridge whom I met recently at the dog park.

It is called "Iliif's secrets". She sent me title cards to share with anyone who might be interested in purchasing and reading it.

I am very honoured she blessed me with her book. It was a nice surprise to find her book in my letter box!

…

Awesome. My swan song. Reminds me of a time when things were OK. But they never were so I had to rebuild and conquer my own abusers’ paradigm. And dance out my pain. To live free again.

No man, no cry but lots of love from fellow kindred spirits. Mud in their eye and death mask smiles plastered with makeup and limitless betrayals. But I see all and say a little prayer, for I have wiped myself clean of envious foul bespittled automatic responsive automatons. Soulless fucks. But soooooo pretty!

Today the sun shines on a new day. I am light and love and wildness. Unchain my heart, my mind is an explorer, a guardian of yet uncovered truths. Lie to me, so you can then die to me.

I fear you not. Greater, stronger, mightier have fallen in my wake. I don't look back in anger. I have other hearts to unfurl into the winds of change and to watch blossom in the full raiment of their beauty.

You cannot thrive on stolen lifetimes. Make yours great but do not sublimate. Envy will rot your brain like advanced syphilis while those you waste your precious lifeforce on, continue to shine, in spite of your dark arrows of degradation.

Envy, guilt and shame. Wasteful wanton excesses that entrap your soul in the filth and grime when all inside of you, you eradicated your own beauty and power.

My schadenfreude turns to abject pity. I will not stand by for your final disintegration. Only you can stop the rot. Turn blotting cancerous hate into love so you can grow into and up inside yourself, to finally take your place amongst the stars.

8 August 2015

All my dogs brought me back into balance and taught me how to keep it real and keep it simple.

…

I have four of the mofos. This afternoon (I woke up at 4 pm) I sat outside in my garden, surrounded by hens, one rooster and 4 cats. I closed my eyes and thanked G-d (even though I am not talking to Him/her/or it!) for the serenity, the beautiful remains of the day and my animals.

I overheard some people walking past my house say "Ohh, look at that lady with all her cats and chooks". Yes! My neighbours are all envious of me. They think I have an easy life. They have no fricking idea! But just for one hour of one day I had it made. Lots of love in Sacred Space.

This is how you build a life. On the gravel rash of the old one. Taking the good in each and every day and absorbing it until your head and mind swell with ebullience (not an aneurism...not yet...) Besides, I don't pop my cork for every man I see, or my clogs :-(. Still clog-hopping!

Last night I danced myself to exhaustion. I looked splendid, if I say so myself. I intimidate the average aussie male just by showing up, looking glamorous. Hahaha! I don't care. I am enjoying my Freedom Dance.

8 August 2014

2.25 am. I have been a very good house person. I have vacuumed and mopped all the floors. They were filthy and even I couldn't take it anymore lol. Now the only thing left is to scrub the bath as I cleaned the bathroom yesterday but not the bath for some weird reason. The house smells so fresh with clean floors.

I also bought a beautiful lilium at Bunnings today. It's been a long time since I bought myself flowers and this one had lots of buds. Looking forward to the first one opening tomorrow.

This evening I watered the front garden, cleaned out the pond filters and topped up the ponds. I also burnt more twigs and leaves. Epic! I am so happy with myself that I got so much done!

I even wired up the new pond light as I finally exchanged the bodgy one that kept blowing out bulbs. Yayy! It looks lovely. Let's hope this one isn't a faulty pain in the arse.

My garden looks tidy. My ponds are thriving... Spring will be spawning time. I better get the 44 gallon drum ready soon.

…

It's 12 months since Bella walked over the Rainbow Bridge. My beautiful soulmate. Never forgotten and the love still burns bright between us. G-d bless you, little New World Leader. You were my only sunshine.

…

Knackered. I expended all my energy last night in cleaning the house. Off to GP for a script. More money down the drain. Grrr. Got $40 left for the fortnight. Sick of poverty. Sick of struggling. Sick of being sick. Sick of fighting for every scrap of my life like a beaten cur.

Time to rise and shine. Looking forward to Shauna's birthday drinks tonight. I will rest more when I get back from the doctor so I can kick up my heels tonight.

…

…

Back from quack. I bought comfort food. ;-). Now sitting in the afternoon sun eating yoghurt and morello cherries as I know the comfort food was a very bad idea. Especially as I am almost broke. Insanity is such a blessing.

So I gave some yoghurt to Socks who was delighted, and to Tabitha and Elvira who were also rather chuffed chooks. I fed the goldfish who were also thrilled. I have let Frieda and her chick out to play.

Everything Zen at Sacred Space even if I am slightly out of my head. I am gonna rock out tonight Babies!

…

8 August 2012

I spent the day with Crystal pricing, evaluating beds. The lies the salespeople had the gall to tell us was very bemusing but I now know what I am hoping to purchase soonish!

…

Completely knackered, exhausted, drained and just plain tired. Phew. I had a long walk today, which I undertook by choice but my bones in my feet and legs still ached horribly from last Friday when I danced in my high heeled boots and had a great time but ohhhh, the recovery is very very slow! So off to bed early for me tonight!

8 August 2011

Mine enemies have thrown up slanderous evidence to support their bogus Will, and I am distraught but must wait 2 more weeks of this ridiculous debacle without end. Oh G-d, please shame, humiliate my enemies as you have done in times past for your humble servant, and let this ugliness be finally put to rest, so I can move forward in my life plans! Amen. I am sooo tired of constant attacks from people who don't even know me!

8 August 2010

I overdid it in the garden today, doing some more digging. I also wirebrushed my outdoor wrought iron furniture so I can buy new paint for it on Tuesday and make it all look new again.

Boy, was that a task! I thought the drill would do it all in an hour...4 hours later and I was still scrubbing away and I only did half of one chair. Exhausted now!

I really need to pace myself as Crystal is moving house on Thursday which means I will be schlepping boxes and furniture for her and driving a rented Ute. OYYYY! I hope I don't burnout before Thursday as it will be an almighty task. (I really really hate moving house, it's a killer both emotionally and physically but I'm glad to help out my favourite girl).

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons