Irony
Gillette Scientists Confirm Six Blades is the Best a Man Can Get
In 2003 Schick had shocked the world by inventing and commercializing the first ever four bladed razor, the Quatro. Analysts credit that invention with igniting the razor blade numbers wars. Only three years later, in 2006 Gillette introduced the Fusion, the world's first five-bladed disposable razor. That same year Korean based DORCO released the first ever six blade razor the PACE6. Gillette followed suit soon after with the Mach 6. Many others would join them, and add even more six blade razor options to the market. Back in those heady days, it felt like the number of blades that could be packed into a men's disposable razor would continue to rise for the foreseeable future. Many analysts predicted eight or even ten-bladed or more razors to be available by 2020. But something unusual happened, the blade wars ended at six. For almost two decades now, not a single razor with more than six blades has been commercialized. A few scientists have voiced concerns over the years suggesting that we had reached "peak razor", but they were in the minority until Wednesday when Gillette scientists presented their latest findings which they say show conclusively that we have indeed reached peak razor blade, and there would never be a men's disposable razor with more than six blades. While the technology may be available, the market will not bear the cost. Moreover, the latest data suggests that after years of continuing to increase in coarseness and thickness, men's facial hair has begun to thin and decline overall. Gillette scientist Dr. Timothy Stephens said the following in a prepared statement. "Only a few short months ago myself and my colleagues celebrated a major breakthrough in our decades long quest to develop Planck's razor, the, until then, only theoretical, razor that would shave beard hair to the shortest possible measurable unit of distance from the face. Right now those celebrations are the furthest things from our minds, and our moods have turned to dismay and sadness. Today, the day we all feared for so many years has finally come. We have reached peak razor. In retrospect we probably should have recognized this ten years ago, but our optimistic hearts and minds and love of all things men's shaving related clouded our thinking. It has been almost twenty years since we gave the men of the world the Mach 6, and that will be our last gift to them. Analysis of our latest data on men's facial hair globally has confirmed what we had suspected for some time. The average thickness and coarseness has decreased by almost 15%, and that decline will continue into the far future. There is simply no need for a greater than six bladed razor, and in fact we may see a retrenchment in blade number until much of the world looks like Mexico where there is no market for a razor with more than 3 blades. If current trends continue men's faces will be totally hairless without the need for any razor blades at all by as early as the year 2300. That will be a sad day for the world for sure." With that Dr. Stephens bowed his head, turned and walked away.
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