Happy Birthday, Gloria!

Note: Later in the story, you’ll see italicized text in parentheses — this shows what Gloria is thinking inside her mind.

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Getting Ready for the Birthday Party

“Gloria, it’s already 10:30 and everybody will start arriving for your birthday.”

“Oh yes, I better get dressed. I just hope the church girls don’t bring a chocolate mousse cake again.”

“You seemed to enjoy it last year, Gloria.”

“Oh, I did, Debbie. But my dear, it made my poo very mushy, and it took forever for me to wipe clean.”

“Well, that’s not good. How about your yellow blouse? You want to wear that one?”

“Yes, the yellow is good. It might need to be ironed.”

“Oh, okay. Well, while I’m ironing your blouse, you can brush your teeth.”

“My teeth... You know, they seem to have grown a pair of legs and walked away. I can’t find them anywhere.”

“Did you look under your pillow, Gloria?”

“That’s the first place I looked. If they don’t turn up soon, I’m canceling the party and blaming it on a dental emergency.”

“Gloria, what are you holding in your hand?”

“My hand?”

“Yes, your left hand,” Debbie pointed.

“My teeth! Oh, my goodness.”

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The Church Girls Arrive

“That yellow blouse looks good on you, Gloria. It complements your complexion very well.”

“Thank you, Debbie. The yellow was a good suggestion.”

The doorbell rings in the background.

“Let me get settled here in my favorite chair before you let the girls in.”

It took Gloria a minute to get comfortable in her plush recliner.

“Okay, I’m ready, Debbie. Let ’em in.”

Debbie opened the front door to four smiling faces.

“Welcome, welcome, come on in. Gloria is back here in her TV room,” Debbie guided them.

“Lollie, Trudie, Rose, Dee—you can set the food and gifts on the table over there. Come on in, have a seat.”

“You look great, Gloria. That yellow makes you look sunny.”

“Well, thank you, Trudie. I feel great.”

“We brought you a beautiful birthday cake,” Trudie said gleefully.

“Oh, that is so nice of you.”

“Yes, we brought your favorite chocolate mousse cake. You seemed to love it last year.”

“Oh yes, I was loving it for days.” (And days and days) Gloria quickly turned to Debbie and whispered, “I hope we have extra toilet paper and wipes.”

Rose stepped forward. “And we brought you some nice gifts to celebrate your 93rd.”

“Thank you. I am so blessed to have such thoughtful friends.”

“You’re the oldest person in the church,” Lollie said, then quickly hushed herself. “Urgh, well… since John Trenton died.” (Poor Lollie, she’s always been socially awkward.)

“That’s okay, Lollie. I’m alright with being 93. I see it as an accomplishment.”

Debbie interjected, “Okay, girls, don’t we have a birthday party to get going?”

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The Birthday Cake

Trudie took the birthday cake out of its box as the girls oohed and ahhed over the pretty red roses made of frosting atop the luscious chocolate cake.

“How pretty,” Gloria commented. (But not so pretty for my stomach.)

Trudie placed a row of nine birthday candles on the cake, then a row of three. With the cake now sitting on a TV tray in front of Gloria, Lollie lit the candles as the girls sang Happy Birthday to her.

Gloria made a wish and successfully blew out all twelve candles.

“I’ll take just a smidgen, Trudie. The stomach’s been acting up lately,” Gloria said.

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The Gifts

Dee came forward with her gift first.

“This is so exciting,” Gloria said as she took hold of the gift. “Such a small box. But big things come in small boxes.”

“I bought you some rubber finger protectors to wear while you do your gardening and craft projects,” Dee said, pointing at the box. “They’re ribbed for enhanced grip. I got you extra large because I know you’ve been dealing with swelling in your hands.”

“But Dee, sweetheart… these are not rubber finger protectors. They’re rubbers.”

“Huh?” Dee looked confused as the girls tried their best not to laugh.

“They’re condoms, sweetie,” Gloria said with a slight chuckle.

“Oh yes! Jim and I have been looking at condos, and we found a nice one in Leisure World,” Dee replied naively.

“Never mind, sweetie. Thank you for the lovely gift.” (I guess I’ll give these to my great-grandson for his 21st birthday.)

“Especially for you,” Trudie said, handing her gift to Gloria.

“This is beautifully wrapped, Trudie. You have such a talent for gift wrapping—I almost don’t want to open it.”

“Open it. You’ll love it!”

Gloria carefully unwrapped the gift. “Trudie, that is beautiful. A pink glass hummingbird feeder. I love it. Thank you.”

“What is this—such a small teeny box?” Gloria asked as Rose handed her the next gift.

Gloria held the small wooden box in her hand, which had the name Brilliant Earth etched on top. “Such a beautiful wooden box. Let’s see what’s inside... Oh, Rose, you shouldn’t have! They are so beautiful. Rose-shaped earrings.”

“Yes,” Rose explained, “they’re 18-carat white gold with beautifully encrusted diamonds.”

“But darling, these are for pierced ears. My ears are not pierced.”

“Well, that’s the second part of the gift,” Rose said. “My granddaughter will be stopping by next week to pierce your ears.”

“Oh, I think not, Rose. Nobody’s going to stab my earlobes with a needle.”

(I’ll be using these earrings as expensive decorative thumbtacks on my bulletin board.)

Lollie proudly handed Gloria her gift, which was in a large brown paper bag stapled at the top.

“You’re going to love this gift, Gloria!”

Gloria carefully tore open the brown bag and pulled out a pair of blue jeans. She held them up and took a good look.“Hip huggers… They’re hip-hugger bell bottoms! Lollie, sweets, my hips stopped huggin’ a long time ago. All they do now is wiggle, jiggle, and slop.”

(I knew I shouldn’t have regifted these pants to her last year for Christmas. Oh well… I’ll just re-regift them back to her again for her birthday next month. She won’t even remember.)

“Well Gloria you wore hip huggers so well back in the day.”

“Oh honey, those days are long gone.” Gloria quipped.

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Gloria’s Birthday Speech

“Ladies, before we call an end to this gala birthday party, I want to say a few words.

“As you all know, I grew up with some very questionable characters in my family. The odds of me making it were slim. But I did survive—though not without hurt. Sometimes my outlook is rough. But in the end, I always come around. All glory to God.”

(This birthday party with the mousse cake and horrible gifts brought me sadness. I wanted to cry and feel pity for myself.)

“That is why my friends mean so much to me in my adult life. Today, the four of you brought gifts and a cake with the sole purpose of celebrating my life. I wanted to cry. Not tears of pity, but tears of joy.

“It wasn’t the cake or the gifts that brought me tears (believe me, they did bring me tears—but that’s a story for another time) but it was your dedication in friendship, the sincerity in your hugs, and when Lollie gave me a kiss on the cheek, I just knew… that right here, right now, you are my friends and my family.

“I love each one of you dearly—Rose, Lollie, Dee, and Trudie.

Oh, and we can’t forget Debbie, my wonderful caregiver.

Thank you, my sisters, for a beautiful birthday celebration.”

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With Love, RHC🎁