How to Deliver Bad News: "Just Don't Get Upset."

All of us have had to report bad news at some point. Some talked about a failed exam, others about a broken car, and others about an apartment flooded by neighbors. No one likes to find out unpleasant information, but it is much worse to be a messenger who brought bad news. Even if you are not to blame for what happened, you can still be blamed. We tell you how to behave in this situation.

Choose the appropriate place and time

Of course, there is no ideal time to report bad news, but try not to do it while standing in line at the store or on your birthday. The best place for such a conversation is a quiet, peaceful place, for example, a cafe or a park, where no one can interfere with you. If you are forced to convey unpleasant information to a colleague, do it in your office or in the meeting room. It is quite possible that the news implies a subsequent discussion — in this case, allocate more time for the conversation to listen to the interlocutor or answer his questions.

Report the news in person

Yes, sometimes a news report is urgent, and there is no opportunity to meet in person (for example, if you are in another city). But in any other situation, try to tell the person about what happened, face to face. Informing about the dismissal via email and breaking up via SMS is a bad idea. So you show disrespect to the person and his feelings. We agree that it can be incredibly difficult to tell sad news, but do not try to take responsibility and abstract yourself from other people’s emotions in this way.

Prepare for the conversation

If you understand that the conversation is going to be difficult, write down in a notebook the main points that need to be discussed. You can even rehearse several times to be less nervous during the conversation. Of course, it’s not worth reading out the prepared speech on a piece of paper, but the conversation plan will definitely come in handy — it will help to foresee possible difficulties. Keep calm, but don’t speak in a dry and formal tone. Indifference and coldness are the worst thing you can offer to the interlocutor.

Suggest an alternative

When you break the bad news, think about how you can continue the conversation. It is not necessary to voice negative information, and then leave the person alone with his thoughts. Suggest an alternative outcome of the conversation, in which there may be a solution to the problem. For example, you tell a friend that you are both being evicted from the apartment, but at the same time you add that you have another housing option. Unfortunately, not in all situations it is possible to offer a solution, but it is worth ending the conversation on a positive note.

Do not pour water

All these phrases like “Just don’t be nervous”, “Sit down, we need to talk”, “Please don’t get upset” only inflame the situation. The longer you delay, the more the interlocutor winds himself up. Reporting bad news is like correcting a dislocation: you need to act quickly and clearly. It’s not about dumbfounding a person right from the doorstep and leaving without even waiting for a response. Say hello politely, express regret and move on to the topic of conversation. Let any mitigating information and words of support follow later, when everything is voiced and accepted for reflection.

Speak softly, but honestly

Hiding the unpleasant truth is a bad idea. Amy Morin, a practicing psychotherapist and clinical social worker, believes that excessive gentleness and pity in conversation will only harm. For example, if you dismiss an employee, then you should not say that it is not his fault, that he is an excellent specialist and copes with his job perfectly. Then why are you firing him? Try to explain delicately what is the reason for such a decision and where the employee made a mistake. He should understand why he is losing his job, and not think out himself what his actions led to such an outcome.

Researchers Alan Manning of Brigham Young University and Nicole Amar of the University of South Alabama say that when it comes to bad news, most people prefer directness and frankness. This helps them to tune in to a serious mood and better perceive what has been said. Excessive softness can lead to the fact that the interlocutor suspects something is wrong, starts to get nervous and worry. Why bring it to this?

Empathize

After a person hears the bad news, he will need support. But please note that empathy must be appropriate and natural, otherwise there will be no positive effect from it. For example, if a person’s apartment has burned down, it is unlikely that the phrase “Nothing, you’ll buy a new one!” will calm him down. Also, an attempt to joke and cheer up the interlocutor will be unsuccessful. At such moments, a person needs help and support. Perhaps you can offer him temporary housing or financial assistance. But even if you do not have a solution to the problem, a caring tone and sincere participation will help reduce the degree of tension.

Motivate to ask questions

It will be possible to clarify the crisis situation only if you understand the details and make a plan of action. Therefore, if the interlocutor has questions during the conversation, do not shy away from them, but answer clearly. Moreover, if you want to help a person cope with a problem, motivate him to ask questions, demonstrate your participation. It will be useful for company managers to introduce the tradition of open doors. For example, in KFC, any employee can go to the office of the immediate supervisor and share their thoughts and experiences on this or that occasion. This helps to develop effective solutions.

Control yourself

The Journal of Experimental Psychology: General published an article saying that we have a great dislike for people who report bad news — even if they are simple messengers who have nothing to do with the problem. The “messenger” who brings unexpected news gets especially hard.

That is why it is not at all surprising that a hail of criticism and anger falls on us when we report bad news. In this situation, you need to try not to take claims at your own expense and stay calm. Understand that the interlocutor’s reaction is rather impulsive, so you should not answer too rudely and sharply. Gently and delicately point out to the person that he is making a mistake, accusing you of all mortal sins, and there is no fault of yours in what happened. After the degree of tension decreases, continue the conversation.

Provide the facts

If the interlocutor overreacts emotionally to the news, make sure that he finds out all the information that is at your disposal. Explain why this happened, who initiated the event, and so on. Of course, it all depends on the specific case and topic, but do not try to hide important facts if they can change the interlocutor’s attitude to the situation. He must see the big picture and draw conclusions that will be useful to him in the future. If you find yourself “between two fires”, do not take sides, try to maintain a neutral position.