Blurred Love Lines: Seeing the Blind Spots In Your Relationship

“You don’t know what you don’t know.”

You must have heard of this phrase several times, but you never really thought much about it. What it suggests is that the things you don’t see have the potential to harm you.

It’s tough when there’s something you don’t know. You just have to live with it because you have no idea about it. Whether it’s about you or your partner, your relationship is always at stake.

You become blind by seeing the things that you only want to see. You’d rather be comforted by the idea that everything in your relationship is fine when in the first place, they are not.

And these are your relationship blind spots.

What You Need to Know About Blind Spots

It’s a crime to ignore your relationship blind spots, at least to you and your partner.

When you don’t give it proper attention, they can ruin your relationship and destroy all the harmony, peace of mind, and esteem you have. The longer this goes on, the higher the risk there is to your partnership.

Relationship blind spots exist because of your biased point of view towards your partner. It becomes easy for you to notice and acknowledge someone’s flaws and mistakes while you can hardly recognize yours.

Blind spots occur unconsciously, widely obstructing your view of what’s right and true. It breeds relationship issues and conflicts and hinders you from having a healthy perspective, affecting your ability to make proper decisions and choices.

The “You” In Your Relationship

How you see things is greatly affected by your experiences and beliefs. It is defined by your defense mechanisms, coping strategies, and communication skills.

All of this plays a big role in how you resolve relationship conflicts and issues. Without this, you’d fail to be a partner to someone.

When this happens, relationship blind spots are the culprit.

How Your Relationship Blind Spots Become Harmful

Old habits die hard.

One thing that’s painful about relationship blind spots is how they cause repetitive argument statements, as they make it easy for you to predict how your conversations would go, especially when you’re fighting.

Eventually, it becomes harder for you to resolve a matter at hand, as you bicker endlessly and refuse to see each other eye to eye. As a result, you end up annoyed with each other and might even fail to reconcile.

In the long run, your conflict resolution will become pointless as you always stick to the same pattern, ending with how you usually begin.

Key Questions About Relationship Blind Spots

Blind spots are the areas wherein you fail to give proper judgment and awareness, compromising your ability to recognize what’s harming your relationship.

For some, failing to see what needs to be changed and improved also counts.

Here are some key questions to give you a better understanding of your blind spots:

1. Am I not my usual self? What have I become?

You can’t answer this question if you’re not willing to take a look at yourself. Even if you think your partner’s to blame for your problems, you’re also partly responsible for it.

Being in a relationship, you and your partner represent each other. You make decisions based on how the other might feel because that’s how it is supposed to be.

It’s a healthy sign when you ask yourself this because it signifies that you’re ready to make yourself a better partner and improve the quality of your partnership altogether.

2. Is my communication style helpful to my partner?

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, stated that a couple's way of arguing tells whether they are likely to remain together or not. For him, this is because of contempt.

Gottman believes that using the same communication style over time increases the chances of a breakup.

So how do you avoid contempt while you communicate?

Avoid feeling disgusted by your partner’s sense of self. Don’t use harsh insults, judgments, and hateful humor. Also, never resort to name-calling. Aside from being childish, it becomes destructive when it gets to your partner’s esteem.

In terms of your body language, avoid casting your partner a dirty look or even rolling your eyes. Simply put, avoid gestures that will offend them in some way.

Have healthier arguments by being sensitive to how your partner feels. This way, you also reduce the chances of breaking up.

3. Did I fail to exercise our relationship boundaries?

Define boundaries to promote a healthy relationship. They pertain to your feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and the choices you make. But over time, it can get blurred.

When this happens, you tend to cross the line when dealing with matters with your partner, considering their opinions and feelings to be faulty and unreasonable compared to yours.

You’re ready to see beyond your blind spots when you ask these questions to yourself. Again, that’s a healthy sign.

For you to successfully do this, identifying your blind spots is the next thing you must know.

Opening Your Eyes: Identifying Your Relationship Blind Spots

Improve the quality of your relationship through these steps:

1. You could be the problem. Before you blame your partner, notice your habits that may have contributed to the issues you’re facing.
2. Accept your fears of making a mistake. After all, these may also be one of the reasons why you’re biased about your partner’s thoughts and feelings.
3. Get a grip on reality through the role you play in the relationship.
4. Learn to choose your battles. Some issues are not as challenging and impactful as others are. Make sure you don’t waste time on the less important ones.
5. Count every little thing. Whether it’s a small habitual fault can still affect your relationship, especially when it’s recurring.
6. Observe proper communication. This is an effective tool in resolving relationship matters.
7. Aim to be non-judgmental. You have a better chance of creating a fulfilling relationship by doing so.
8. Trust your instincts. Don’t hold back when you feel something isn’t right. Take action right away.
9. Turn to your partner. You are in this together, so don’t attempt to resolve these issues on your own.
10. Be rational. When going through situations like this, don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

Never let yourself become a fool. When it comes to love, always think outside of the box. Don’t be blinded by everything you see because sometimes, it’s what you don’t see that’s far more damaging.