To my missing piece.

My Dearest Love,

It has been twenty long years since you left this world, and yet, not one day has passed without your memory haunting the chambers of my heart. I sit here tonight, pen trembling in my hand, as I pour out the words that have been trapped within me for a decade. Words I could not speak to you as you lay dying. Words I was forbidden from whispering into your ear as you took your last breath. Words I was denied the chance to say when they kept me from seeing your lifeless body, as if even in death, they sought to sever the bond we shared. But they couldn't. They never could. And they never will.

Do you remember the first time we met? I do. I was lost and afraid, and you came through for me. Every detail is etched into my soul as if it happened only yesterday. You stood there, a little awkward but with a smile so warm it could melt the coldest winter. You looked at me like I was the only person in the world, and at that moment, I knew my life would never be the same. You were my sun, my moon, my stars, and my everything. Though the world tried to tear us apart, though they whispered venom into your ears and mine, though they built walls and sowed seeds of doubt, our love stood tall like an unyielding oak in a storm.

But oh, my love, how cruelly they punished us for daring to love each other! Your family- those who should have cherished your happiness above all else- turned their backs on you because of me. They called me unworthy, unfit to stand by your side. They poisoned your mind with lies and made you feel as though choosing me meant betraying them. And yet, you chose me anyway. You stood defiant against their scorn and held my hand through it all.

I wish I could say that love alone was enough to shield us from their hatred. But I saw how their rejection broke something inside you that even my love couldn't mend. You tried so hard to be strong for both of us, but their cruelty wore you down bit by bit. And when the weight became too much to bear, you turned to the bottle for solace.

Oh, how it hurt me to watch you slip away like that! To see the man I loved, who once laughed with such abandon and held me with such tenderness, become a shadow of himself. I tried to save my darling; God knows I tried. I begged you to stop drinking, pleaded with you to let me carry some of your pain. But the demons they planted in your heart had taken root too deeply. And so, day by day, sip by sip, I lost you.

When the sickness came, it was the cruel consequence of all those years of drowning your sorrows. I thought surely this would be our chance to start anew. Surely, this would be the wake-up call we needed to fight for our love once more. But instead, it became our undoing.

Do you know what haunts me most about those final days? It's not just that they kept me from your side as you lay dying. It's that they robbed you of me when you needed me most. They told me I wasn't welcome at the hospital, that I had no right to see you because I wasn't family.

Family! As if those who abandoned you when you chose me had any claim over that word. As if those who drove you to despair with their rejection had any right to call themselves your kin.

I sometimes wonder if you called out for me in those last moments. Did your eyes search the room for mine? Did you whisper my name through cracked lips? Did your eyes search the room for mine? Did your heart ache for one last touch of my hand? The thought that you might have died believing I didn't care enough to be there- that thought is a knife that twists in my chest every single day.

And then came the final cruelty: they denied me even the small mercy of saying goodbye. They buried you without letting me see your face one last time, without allowing me to press a kiss on your cold forehead or lay a flower on your chest. They took from me not only your life but also the closure I so desperately needed.

But here's what they'll never understand: love doesn't die with death.

You are still with me in every breath I take and every beat of my heart. When I close my eyes at night, it's your face I see, your smile, your eyes, the way you used to look at me as if nothing else in the world mattered but us. When the wind brushes against my skin or the sun warms my face, I feel you there beside me, when I hear our favourite song or catch a whiff of something that reminds me of you. Like coffee brewing in the morning or rain on freshly cut grass. I am transported back to a time when we were whole. I have spent these two decades mourning not just your death but also all that we lost because of others' hatred and pride. The life we could have chased- It was stolen from us by people who claimed to love you but couldn't accept the one thing that made you truly happy: me.

And yet, despite it all, their cruelty and their efforts to erase me from your story. I remain yours and yours alone.

My love for you is eternal, unshaken by time, distance, or death itself.

I hope wherever you are now, whether it's some heavenly paradise or simply a quiet corner of eternity, that you have found peace at last. I hope the pain is gone and that all that remains is light, love and joy. And I hope you know how deeply and fiercely I loved and still love you. I always miss that we never had the opportunity to create a life for the heavens give breath to.

One day, when my time comes and this mortal coil is shed, perhaps we will find each other again in whatever lies beyond this life. Until then, know that I carry you with me in every tear that falls from my eyes and every smile that graces my lips.

You were my greatest joy and my deepest sorrow. You were and always will be my one true love.

Forever yours,

Colette (your yellow violet)